I believe that everyone is born into this world with their mission. Our missions very in so many ways. There are people that are brought into this world to give art, to teach, to give peace, to give love, to help in the medical field or to be a financial tycoon. The mission list is endless, which is such an amazing thing.
We will spend our entire lives working on our missions. I guarantee that we will all fail at times in our missions and all we can do is pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and move onward and upward. I consider myself rather lucky because I’ve known, from a very young age, exactly what my mission is. I was brought here to help bring peace and love.
Since my last entry, like all my entries of recent, unfortunate news found its way back into my life. A week after my last entry, I wrote about my uncle who was diagnosed with cancer and was told he would have a few months to live. Unfortunately, he passed away a week later after my last entry. He was someone that since day one of his life, he was a troubled soul. He battled with addictions and constantly made one mistake after another. After he passed away, I wondered what on earth would his mission in life be? I realized that it wasn’t any of my business to wonder what his mission in life was because it was HIS mission and not mine. Instead, I sent out empathy to those he left behind and how life doesn’t always deal us a fair hand. My grandparents are still alive, which means they lost one of their children. I can’t imagine, no matter how old you might be, what the loss of a child does to the soul. My only hope is that peace and love will be put upon them when they are ready to accept it.
In the midst of all of this grief, three weeks ago, I got a random text message from an old coworker. The message was asking me if I was looking for a new job. I wasn’t necessarily happy at my current job and so, I responded with, “What do you have for me?” From there, I was brought in the very next day for an interview that lasted almost two hours. By the time I got back to my current job after the interview, I got a call from the recruiter and he made me an offer. Things were moving way too fast and I wanted to make sure I was making the right choice because I have only been at this current job for only seven months. I told the recruiter, I needed a day to think about it and that I would get back to him the next day. However, I did mention what I wanted regarding title and my worth because what he offered was nice but I knew there was more to be had. I went to bed that night not sure if I was being too aggressive or even if this was the right job for me.
The next day around noon, I got my answer. They offered me the title I wanted and the salary that I was asking for. Is it my dream job? I can already tell you that it’s not but it’s a job that I hope I will do a in. I start the first week in January.
Even though this year has been one of the most challenging and depressing years of my life. I tried my very best to stay connected to my mission. The one thing that kept me going when times were dark this year was that my entire family was coming to New York for Christmas. My nieces, which I’m very close with, my parents, my sister and her husband, my brother and his husband. Even my parents, whom haven’t been here in twenty years were all coming to MY CITY. There is nothing like New York during the Christmas time and to be able to share that with all my family and friends was one of the greatest gifts I have ever received.
This past Tuesday, I was at my spin class and when I got out, I saw there was several missed calls from my sister and a text message that said, “Please call me. It’s urgent.” I called and was standing in my gym’s lobby in my sweaty clothes when I called her back. She was in hysterics and told me that her husband was diagnosed with stage four throat cancer. My heart sank to my feet. I didn’t know if I said the right things to calm her down because I honestly can’t recall a single word I said during that phone conversation. I’m sure I said a lot of words like, “strong” “believe” “hope” “pray” but I couldn’t be certain. My entire memory of that conversation is gone.
I got off the phone with my sister and my mind went to a million places. My nieces, who are only ten and thirteen, the financials that will come with the medical bills, what is it that I could do from New York to make this entire situation be better for my family. I came up with nothing that night. I was dreading going to work the next day because I already knew that I was going to have nothing to give to the world much less my job.
Ever since I got the news, I haven’t seen any of my friends, I spent this past weekend alone. However, I managed to connect with my nieces, talk to them on their level and did my very best to give them hope, peace and love.
By the end of this past weekend, I knew I had to be the one to make the decision about the family visit to New York. When my oldest niece, who is obsessed with New York, told me that she wants to be with her dad during this Christmas; I knew what the right thing to do was for them and that was to cancel New York. It broke my heart into a million pieces but nothing hurt my soul deeper than hearing my niece try and comprehend what cancer is.
I spent all of yesterday with phone calls, text messages, Facetime and every other form of communication on canceling the Christmas trip and ensuring to my entire family that, “I got this and I will fix it.” My only hope is that I come through on my promises. I am strong but I’m also human. So, now the plans have changed and I got the entire family now to go to Colorado to spend this Christmas with my brother-in-law. It was the right thing to do, as painful as it was. That’s the funny thing about doing the right thing…it doesn’t always make us feel good.
Over the course of this year, there was a ton of loss. In both the physical and non-physical aspect. And over the course of this year, I know that I have fallen short on my mission from time to time. Mainly because I was presented with certain life events that I had absolutely no experience in and didn’t know how to handle them.
We are each brought into this world with a mission. Your mission can be anything you want it to be. I hope that those that area reading this, take your missions and do right not only for yourself and loved ones but to the world. Thank you for your constant support and as the holidays approach us…be loved.
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