"Update" NYC

Same Old, Same Old

It’s very easy to get into the same old routine. A lot of us get up every Monday morning, get ready for work, and sit at our desk counting down the seconds, minutes and days till Friday. All so we can do it all over again. We are all guilty of it. Some of us are in a position to shake things up and some have to provide for their families which doesn’t allow them the liberty to throw caution to the wind. However, there will be certain events, moments and realizations where we are hands are forced and we must make a change.

It’s been a month since my last entry and in those weeks since I last wrote; so much has happened. I’ve never really been one to live my life in the “same old, same old”. I actually embrace change and like to shake things up. However, the first half of this year hasn’t allowed me much liberty to do so. Ever since the loss of my friend back in February, this year has certainly taken a toll on me. Once we had the memorial back in May, I knew that I had to redirect the energy and start making things happen.

So, a few of my friends and I went to Las Vegas for Memorial Weekend to celebrate my friends’ fortieth birthday. In those three days that we were there, I managed to win twenty dollars on a Wonder Woman slot machine, see Janet Jackson in concert and ride in a helicopter from Las Vegas to the Grand Canyon. During that trip, I noticed that I was finally starting to feel like my “same old” self again but I also knew that I had changed. I was different on the inside on how I viewed certain events and moments. Thankfully, that change was for the positive. I hadn’t felt that light in several months. I was so grateful that the trip happened when it did.

We landed back in New York from Las Vegas on Memorial Day. I was ready to be back in the city, I actually enjoyed unpacking my suitcase because, now more than ever, I was ready to start a new chapter. That new chapter being, is that in the midst of all the sadness over the past several months, I also started to look for a new job. After a few weeks of job hunting, I accepted a new job and started the Tuesday right after Memorial Day.

A little less than three weeks into the new job and I feel rather comfortable. Is it my dream job? No. Am I grateful for a new chapter? Hell yes. This new job also, couldn’t have come at a better time with where I am in my mindset. Out with the old and in with the new.

Now that I was feeling “lighter” in life and the new job was under way. It was now time to get back into the dating game. I knew that I had to get back into the land of the dating and there was no time like the present. So, about a week ago, I dusted off the dating applications and started to take a peek at what was out there. Turns out, the dating applications are the “same old, same old”. People not taking it seriously, only wanting to hook up and completely leaving a conversation the minute you want to know more about them other than what they want to do in bed. I was beginning to get frustrated when I began chatting with an age appropriate guy. He was 45, worked in finance, lived in my area and we were exchanging friendly messages when he asked to meet for a drink last Friday.

I hadn’t been on a date in a very long time, it’s like riding a bike. However, even the most graceful bike rider can fall off from time to time. I met my date last Friday. He was already waiting at the bar for me since he was coming straight from work. I told myself that if the date went well that I’d suggest going to get dinner and if the date went bad; I had my friends ready to send the emergency text message to get me out.

I walked inside and he was waiting right at the door when I walked in. The first thing he said to me was, “Wow, you’re better in person.” However, he came so close to my face that I felt his breath on my face and let me say, he was not fresh. I thanked him for the compliment and he got a table while I went to the bar to get my drink. I had already decided that based on appearance and breath that this was going to be a one drink minimum date but when I sat down, I wasn’t prepared for how things were going to turn out.

We did the standard first date song and dance. Talked about jobs, how long we lived in the city and what area we live in. Once we finished with the pleasantries, the date took a turn. We are both on our second drinks and he said, “I do have something to share with you.” A sentence you never want to hear on a first date. I was expecting him to tell me that his job is moving him to a different state or that he’s on a gluten free diet. Instead he said, “I’m married.”

He went into detail how he married this man in order for his husband to get his papers. They met several years ago and that while they lived together as a married couple, the husband has a boyfriend and that boyfriend sometimes sleeps in their apartment. The married couple share a bed but are not intimate with each other (they haven’t been in years). As my date went on and on about his husband and their unique living situation, I could see in his eyes that he actually is in love with his husband.

After he was done telling me his story, he asked me if I wanted to grab a bite to eat and I declined. Right around the time of me declining the dinner invitation; I got the emergency text message from my friend. Our waiter came around and asked us if we wanted another round, my date wanted another one but I said that I needed to go for a friend needed me. Before I left, I gave my date my observation of him possibly still having feelings for his husband. He sat there and didn’t speak. Finally he said, “Yes. I do love him. It’s hard seeing him with someone else and I’m out here trying to move on.” I told him that I could tell he has a big heart for he did get married in an effort to have his husband stay in America. But that his life will most likely remain the same unless he changes things and speaks from his heart. I hugged him goodbye, met up with friends at a bar and told them all about what had happened.

The next day, I woke up and ready for the weekend. I already knew I had fun plans to see my friends for dinner and drinks at night but while I was shopping I got a text message that I wasn’t expecting at all. I was waiting on the subway platform when I felt my phone vibrate and there it was…Mr. D.

I hadn’t had any communication with him since last November when he pulled another one of his stunts on me and I vowed that now that I’m forty; I will not play these games anymore. I didn’t even open the message right away. Last year, the year before and they year before that. If I had received a text message from Mr. D. my heart would’ve skipped a beat and I would’ve also responded right away. Instead, I noticed that I didn’t have that reaction that I normally had when he came back into my life. I got off the subway at Union Square and decided that it was time to see what he wrote. However, along my subway ride, he sent another two messages. I stood there in the middle of all the Union Square protesters and read all three messages. It was asking me how I was doing, that he misses me and if he can be in my life again. Lastly, he sent a photo of a pair of shorts that he knew I hated when he wore them but told me that he kept them because it makes him smile. I didn’t respond. I haven’t responded and I won’t respond.
Mr. D. is still living the “same old, same old” life and repeating his patterns and I’m simply not that person anymore.

So, here we are. It’s a Monday, most of us are sitting at our desks counting down the seconds, minutes and days till Friday where we can start the “same old, same old” again. It’s amazing how even a little change can make a difference. So, rather than live the “same old, same old” let’s all take this week to take that “same old” life and make a new one!

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