All Systems Down
Let’s face it. We live in a world where all systems are a go each day. From the time we wake up till the time we put head to pillow. It is non-stop all the time and when you live in a city that never sleeps, chances are you are going at an even faster pace than most. We rely on vacations to rejuvenate ourselves, but the reality is, we tend to need a vacation from the vacation we just were on. It’s very rare these days that you hear of someone just “resting” because there is always something that needs to get done. But what happens when your very own system that you work rather hard on maintaining starts to shut down on you?
Over the past eight weeks, I have had the unfortunate experience of having four people pass away in my life. That alone is enough to make anyone want to wave their white flag and retreat back to home base and take a moment to breathe, relax and process. However, time was not allowing me to do so. I had responsibilities to myself, my friends, my family and over the past eight weeks, I admit that I haven’t been taking care of myself the way I normally do.
Two Monday’s ago, my week started off like everyone else’s. I got up, showered, went to work but something was “off” with my body. I discovered that I was having a hard time gripping even my cup of coffee and I was having a hard time forming sentences…but I pushed through. The following day, my body was getting worse, but I went to work and finalized a friend of mine’s apartment that had passed recently. It was tough and while I was emotional about it, I didn’t think that what was happening to my body had anything to do with my body’s reaction. Wednesday, I worked again and took a meeting after work with a former co-worker to discuss the potential of me coming back to my previous agency. She had mentioned that I didn’t look like I was doing so well, and the reality was that I wasn’t. By the time Thursday presented itself, I could barely walk because my leg muscles were in spasm, I barely had a voice and my speech was really causing me frustration. I had drinks with a friend at the Waverly Inn and he noticed that I wasn’t my best and suggested I go to Urgent Care. I promised him by the end of the evening that I would go.
On Friday morning, my day started off like everyone else’s. I got up, showered, went to work but by the time I was at my nine-a.m. meeting, the room had gone black and I fainted. I was put in an Uber and headed to Urgent Care in Tribeca. On my way, I messaged another friend of mine to inform him what was going on. I didn’t tell anyone else because I didn’t want anyone worrying about me. I knew I was fine, but I wasn’t. You don’t faint at a conference table if you are fine.
Turns out that given the amount of stress that I’ve been under and taking on way too much that my nerve system was shutting down. I was there for about an hour, explained to the doctor all that has been happening in my life and I remember him looking at me with disbelief. He prescribed me some antibiotics and recommended to me that I go to this wellness-spa place that has therapeutic water exercises and to not do a single thing over the weekend. You would think that after that happened to me, that I would’ve taken the rest of the day off but I haven’t taken a day off since mid-March when I had to rush to Arizona to take care of my dying grandmother (she is now in hospice). Technically, that really wasn’t a day off given the circumstances, but I haven’t been resting. So, after the Urgent Care visit, I went back to work to finish out the day.
I went home that evening, told my parents what happened and told my friends that I’d be out of commission the entire weekend. I didn’t tell them the full details because I did’t want anyone worrying but I knew that I needed to listen to my body.
The next morning on Saturday, I got up, had coffee and moved very slowly. I showered and decided to walk over the wellness-center and got there by eleven-a.m. It was me and bunch of elderly people moving very slowly in the ninety-five-degree pool. I spent over three hours there and I could instantly feel like my body was reacting very well not only to the medicine but to the water. For the rest of the weekend, I took it easy.
This past week, I focused on my mental state. I took the medicine like I should. I didn’t workout and I did my best to be in bed at an early hour. Toward the end of this last week, I was able to see some friends for dinners and whatnot and I told them face to face what had happened. Naturally, they were annoyed that I didn’t tell them what I was going through, but I felt I was doing the right thing because everyone I know has been going through so damn much.
Just yesterday, I met up with a friend and we had brunch. It was my first brunch that I had this year and I could tell that she was sad. She was sad about a mutual friend of ours that had passed. She let out all the pain that she had, and I was just glad that I was there to catch the tears. Toward the end of the brunch, I told her that starting this upcoming week, I’m all about getting back to being happy and that she should try it for herself as well.
I woke up this morning and I was smiling. Even though it was a Monday just like always but there was something different. Maybe because today is going to be a warm day, maybe it was because my body is starting to feel like it’s old self again or maybe it was because I got to see some friends this past weekend or a combination of it all. What I do know was that I’m very grateful for this state that I’m in.
I have a lot of people out there to thank for their love and support. I’m a very fortunate person and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t my blessings.
Let’s face it. We live in a world where all systems are a go each and every single day. From the time we wake up till the time we put head to pillow. However, we are only given one system and that system we are one-hundred percent responsible for. How we treat our system is what we get back. I learned a valuable lesson that yes…life will continue to throw some crazy ass shit our way and sometimes it will happen all at once. When these things do occur, it’s perfectly o.k. to step away, breathe, reboot, recharge and do whatever it takes to ensure that our systems do not shut down.
I know that this year has started off rather tough for so many and all I can say to this is that I hope all of you out there are treating your systems the best way you can and that I hope you all have a wonderful week ahead.
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