"Update" NYC

Only Love

It’s been seven weeks since I’ve last written. It’s the longest I have ever gone without writing and it felt strange. I would like to tell you that my time away was due to me falling madly in love with someone new or that I was traveling to someplace gorgeous. Instead, I’ve experienced some of the worse weeks of my life and the pain continues.

This blog is about my dating life and finding that true love. However, this week’s entry will be not about dating but about the power of love.

Five weeks ago, I was woken up at the early hours of the morning to understand that I lost a very close friend of mine in a tragic accident. Anyone that knows me or has ever read this blog before knows that my friendships are my greatest loves. It’s one of my greatest accomplishments that I have these amazing relationships with these amazing people. I am very fortunate and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t acknowledge what a gift it is that I have such friendships.

Over the years, I’ve come across people that are lonely and are depressed because they don’t have anyone in their life. I’ve never felt that emotion because, again, I know how fortunate I am to have such a unique situation to have friendships that have such longevity.

However, when I got that call, my world turned upside down. I have never experienced this sense of tragedy and wasn’t sure what to do next. The amount of adrenaline that runs through your body when you are that shaken is something I cannot put into words. I hope that no one ever has to experience that because it is awful.

I didn’t think it was possible but ever since that tragic day, my friendships took an even deeper connection. It’s the love we have for each other that bonded us over the past several weeks and even when we were tired, we carried each other through it.

Grief is something that I’ve never had to deal with in my life. I’ve been a witness to others grieving and naturally, everyone handles it differently. Some people do all they can to escape reality, some people wallow in the sadness and so on and so forth. During this trying time, all I wanted to do was to make sure everyone else was doing alright. Knowing that everyone else was alright was how I handle my grief. During these sensitive times, what I learned the most is to let everyone grieve the way they need to and to let your loved ones know that you will be there on the other side.

As I was in the midst of dealing with the loss of my friend, I got news that my grandmother took a turn for the worse and is severely sick. It was something that seemed simple and normal but for the past three weeks, she’s been in the hospital. I felt bad that I was unable to be there for my family but my family here in New York needed me and I wasn’t about to abandon them in such trying times.

Just this past Sunday, I wasn’t sure how I was going to get to see my grandmother. The tickets were expensive, the idea of taking time off from work seemed impossible and every excuse was running through my mind. As I was sitting on my couch gearing up to get ready for a baby shower for a coworker that I had planned way before any of this news had happened; I was texting with a good friend of mine about everything that was going on.

Toward the end of the text messages, he mentioned to me something about him having a lot of travel miles. I don’t know how any of that works but before I knew it…I had a ticket to Arizona to see my grandmother and I leave this Thursday. My grandmother and I are very close, she was the first woman to buy me my first pair of Wonder Woman boots at age five (yes, my obsession with Wonder Woman runs that long).

I love my friend for doing this for me and he knows that I would do the same for him.
After the past several weeks, I didn’t know the love I have for my friends could go any deeper. They are my family. My insides. They know me better than even my own flesh and blood. I am amazed at every single one of them. I am honored that they allow me to be a part of their family and I am grateful every single day that we’ve come across each other’s paths.

New York City might be my first love, but the city and I would have a completely different relationship if it weren’t for my family here.

There are so many ways we think we can do to save ourselves. We can shop till our credit cards are maxed out, eat comforting food, have a cocktail or travel to a place that takes our worries away. However, ONLY LOVE can truly save ourselves. The love you have for yourself, the love you have for the people in your life and the love you have for people you haven’t even met yet.
This entry is dedicated to my friend…Panda. Your infectious laugh will forever be in my heart, your smile I will think of when I am down and need to be uplifted and your friendship I will carry with me forever.

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