"Update" NYC

Thankful Heart

What does it mean to be thankful? Does it need to be given with gifts? Does it need to be shown with endless affection? Does it only need to be said on special holidays? Like the way people mourn, I feel that we all show our thankfulness in many ways and at different times. Regardless of how you are thankful, I just hope that we show it, not just for ourselves but for the world.

Seeing that this is the Monday right after the Thanksgiving holiday, I know that many are walking around in a fog. Getting ready to go back to work after being off for a few days, stumbling to find a cup of coffee that will hopefully jolt them back to their work mode. However, I know a few people out there that are without jobs now and would give anything to get a steady paycheck again. So, even though we are having a tough time going back to work, I guess we should all be thankful that we have one.

Like most, I was very thankful for the Thanksgiving holiday. I was looking forward to having a few days off and being surrounded by friends. It was the week prior to Thanksgiving that made me so thankful for where my life is, that I knew I wasn’t going to take any of my days during the holiday break for granted.

About two and a half weeks ago, I found myself scheduled with two dates with two different men. They were men that I had met before when I was trying my “friends with benefits” phase. I had thought that they all had disappeared since, after a few times of meeting both of them, the communication stopped. However, we all know that they always come back and true to form…they both did, in fact…come back.

It was two Thursday’s ago and the weather in the city had taken a nasty turn. It was our first storm of the year and there is no other way to put it, other than the fact that it was a total shit storm. Snow, rain, and wind were going in every direction, so I figured that my date was going to cancel. To my surprise, he confirmed that we’d be meeting a wine bar that is near both of our apartments.

I arrived first at the wine bar and only waited a few minutes before my date arrived. He arrived not properly dressed for a winter storm at all. No hat, no gloves, just a hoodie, and sneakers. His hair was drenched, and his shoes were also wet. I should also mention that he was coughing up a lung the entire time. After he warmed himself up, the first thing he said to me was, “I hate New York.” He’s only been in New York a few months and comes from Washington D.C.

He went on and on about how dirty the city is, how he doesn’t understand the congestion all the time and he went on and on about the negative aspects regarding the city. I wasn’t saying a word because it was starting to annoy me that he was talking such shit about a city that I love. I kept drinking my wine and he kept going on how he’d love to live anywhere else but in New York. Finally, it was my turn to speak and I said, “So, when do you think you will be leaving?” He laughed and said, “I like you. You’re a spitfire.”

My date began coughing aggressively. He said that he can only have a second glass of wine because he thinks he is coming down with something. I was rather “thankful” that he could only get through another glass because I was wanting to go home, take a hot shower and get under the covers. My date kept trying to touch my leg and even go higher and I kept pushing his hand away. After we settled the bill, he asked if he could walk me home and kiss me. I looked at him as he was putting his fleece jacket on and said, “You have been coughing so much and just told me you might be getting sick. You are not kissing me. I can get home myself.” He looked defeated and given his situation of still wet hair and soaked jeans, I told him he could walk me to my building but he’s not coming up and definitely not kissing me. He agreed.

We walked for two minutes and were at my building. We were literally standing inside my building as people that live in my building passed us by and he asked, “Can I please kiss you?” I shook my head no and he asked, “Well, can I grab your ass?” How did we go from a goodnight kiss to grabbing my ass? I thanked him for the evening and suggested he get going. He said, “Ok. I will ask one more time. Can I kiss you?” I said, “Fine. You can kiss my cheek and that is it!” So much for that, the man took my coat and pushed it down so that the side of my neck was exposed, and he licked my neck. Not in a sensual way but like a cat cleaning themselves.

I pushed him off and said, “Did you just lick me?” He said, “Yeah. Don’t you think that’s hot?” I said no and opened my building door and he shook his head and as he began to walk down some of my stairs onto the street, he slipped on some snow and landed right on his ass. I do not have a soft laugh and I just started laughing so loud. He got up, kind of laughed and began to walk to his apartment. A half hour later he sent me a text message and said, “Well, if people falling down makes you laugh. I fell again on the way home.” I responded back with, “Thanks for that. I laughed again.” That was the last I heard from him.

The next day was Friday and I had a date that I was rather looking forward to. We had already been on a few dates and he knew my situation of wanting to be just friends with benefits. He came with some baggage that I didn’t want to take on and I was clear with that right when we met. So, after about two weeks of scheduling, our date was going to consist of meeting after work for happy hour and going back to my apartment. Plain and simple. No muss and no fuss. That had been the original plan for the past two weeks of our schedule.

I was at work that Friday, the day of the date when I got a text message from him. It was one of the first messages that I had ever gotten in my dating career that was like this one. My date told me that he ended up having sex with someone else a week prior to our date and THAT sexual partner had contacted my date to tell him that he contracted syphilis. My date went on to tell me that he went to the doctor and also had syphilis as well and that he just got the shot in the ass.

My date wanted to be honest with me and tell me his news since our plan for our date was to be intimate. I wasn’t sure how to respond. I figured this guy might need some humor injected into his day since he had just received a shot in the ass. Not to mention, the message he sent me must’ve been embarrassing enough to send. So I just said, “Thank you so much for letting me know. I really do appreciate the honesty and for not subjecting me to anything. However, if you would’ve just waited one more week. You would’ve been with me. Had fun and our fun wouldn’t have required a shot in the ass cheek!” He smiled back and thanked me for being understanding. He asked if I still wanted to meet him and I said, “No. I’m good.” That was the last I heard from him.

In both dates, I was very “thankful” that they played out the way they did. The first date, I was thankful that I never have to see him again and I got to see him fall on his ass after he licked me. And the second date, I was very “thankful” for his honesty and for not jeopardizing my health.

The time after those dates were filled with nothing but wonderful experiences. I got to spend Thanksgiving surrounded by the most fantastic human beings.

Now that the holiday season is in full swing, not sure there is any time left for these zany dates that I get to experience but I do know that I live my life with a Thankful Heart.

I’m thankful for so many things that I would need more than a blog to let the world know. But do know that I’m thankful for all of you. And I leave you with lyrics from a Muppet song as titled, “Thankful Heart”

“With a thankful heart, with an endless joy
With a growing family, every girl and boy
Will be nephew and niece to me (Nephew and niece to me)
Will bring love, hope and peace to me (Love, hope and peace to me)
Yes and every night will end, and every day will start
With a grateful prayer and a thankful heart”


  1. Scott

    I think your attitude toward the guy that told you he had syphilis sounded judgemental. Getting a venereal disease is a risk we all take every single time we have sex. Grow up. I think it took courage for him to tell you the truth. You should be ashamed, not him.

    • Hi Scott, thank you for reading.
      I do appreciate it.

      I work overtime not to judge and therefore I want you to know just a little bit about my humor toward that date.

      Something I didn’t intend to discuss but we met months ago when he discovered and confessed to me that he was HIV positive and wasn’t sure how to share his story.

      Since then, I’ve helped him in developing his story on when he meets other men for intimacy. For I’ve seen other people close to me go through this.

      Yes. It’s a very serious subject but we also worked on putting humor into it.

      He knew I wasn’t judging him when I responded because we’ve already had that foundation on how we communicated.

      He also knows that he needs to be more responsible given his status and how people out there aren’t always telling the truth when they say they might be on Prep or otherwise.

      It was hard to articulate via a short blog on his and I communication but I didn’t and wouldn’t judge him for his actions.

      I even told him how much I appreciated his honesty and courage. But again, we have our way of communicating.

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