"Update" NYC

Lost Connection

Whether its in the form of technology or actual human interaction; staying connected is one of the hardest things to do these days. I find it so ironic because we have all these technological ways of staying connected with texting, emails, Facetime and all this social media that yet when it comes to facing someone face to face often we can feel disconnected, disappointed or even lost.

As Mercury Retrograde began last week (yes, I believe in that stuff), I felt the shit in energy instantly. Communication in my work place became hostile, my phone was acting up and I felt rather disconnected from myself. I was doing my best to not let the negative energy in, but I was in a grumpy mood, so much that my coworkers said I should try to find time to take a day off soon. I took their advice and booked a trip to Boston. Not to see Mr. D. who lives there (that is not happening) but to see my girlfriend who is having her second child in a few weeks.

All throughout this rough week I was having, I somehow managed to stay connected with the nurse that I had been on a few dates with. We were texting pretty much everyday and we had finally scheduled our fourth date for this past Saturday. He had to cancel the previous Saturday due to bites on his ankles. Truth be told, I was wondering if our fourth date was going to be as magical as our second date had been with the boat ride in Central Park and talking endlessly. There was only one way to find out and that was to go on the date.

By the time last Thursday rolled around, I was over it. I was wondering how my mood was going to change. That morning, I was at work when I got a call from my bank asking me if I was purchasing five thousand dollars’ worth of sporting goods in the United Kingdom. Someone had gotten a hold of my debit card and thankfully the charges didn’t go through, but I still had to get a new debit card and sort that mess out.

Hours later, I was having a phone interview with HBO and Vice Media for they wanted my take on the #MeToo movement and potential to be a part of their documentary. Which that topic really gets my blood going, so I was in rare form by the time the interview and the day was over with. Thankfully, I had fun plans to meet a friend of mine to catch up at Bar Bacon, where we ate our feelings.

Our office closes early on Fridays (work permitting) so I was so excited that my work allowed me to leave early. I shopped, got a haircut and worked out. After my workout, I went to this bar called, Swift Hibernian Lounge, it’s an Irish bar. I got there to meet my friend and his roommate happened to be there as well. Our goal that night was to try different bars and as soon as I sat down at the bar; I knew I was in for a fun night.

We stayed at the bar for several drinks and while we were there, we met some actor named: Mac. Don’t know anything else about him other than his wife was at some burlesque class in Brooklyn and he was free for the night. He told us he had to walk his dogs but for all of us to meet at this other bar called, Blue and Gold Tavern. It wasn’t that late and I was going to two different bars that I had never heard of. We arrive at the tavern and it was filled with a funky crowd and I was digging the vibe.

I played pool (I lost) and the drinks were so cheap at this dive bar that none of us had any troubles buying round after round. By the time more friends had joined us, I was rather drunk. However, I don’t know who suggested it because we had lost Mac and my friend’s roommate and now it was just the queens left in a dive bar in the East Village. We thought it was a good idea in our drunken stupor to go to, yet another bar called, 7B. When we got there, we could barely get through our drinks but somehow a bunch of potato chips were at our table and we were devouring them. We all said goodnight, but it was such a perfect way to start the weekend with my good friends, staying connected to them and meeting so many strangers.

The next morning, I woke up only feeling slightly hungover which surprised me. However, I knew I had to pull it together because it was date four with the nurse. I went for a run, cleaned the apartment, did laundry and by the time I finished all of that, I realized I still hadn’t heard from my date with what we were doing.

I decided to reach out to him and an hour later he said he was feeling “sleepy”. I didn’t know what that response meant. Was he canceling again in order to get rest or was he just telling me his current mood. I responded with asking what he wanted to do or if he had anything planned. He didn’t. Sigh. It was up to me to take control, so I suggested a movie since that was what we were supposed to the last time before his ankles got bitten (by the way I still have no idea what sort of bites these were), I chose to stay disconnected from that topic.

He thought seeing a movie was a great idea and I told him to meet me at the twenty-third street theater at four. It was one of those very intense humid days in the city and the idea of seeing a movie in an air-conditioned theater sounded amazing. I know he wanted to see, Mamma Mia 2, so that is what I suggested, and he seemed happy. I just knew that I was going to have to grin and bare the movie since that is not something I wanted to see.

Before I met my date, I was texting with some friends of mine and they were grilling me about what number of dates this was, if he was a good kisser and as I was answering them; I realized that it was date four and I hadn’t even held his hand much less kiss the man. Not that I’m a slut but by date four, I would’ve at least known if the man was a good kisser or not. I was seriously hoping that the date I was about to go on that I would find out the answer to my question.

When he arrived at the theater, I realized that I hadn’t seen him in two weeks and when I did; I felt nothing. In fact, I felt disconnected. I chalked it up to the fact that I was a little tired from my night before and was hungry for I hadn’t eaten that day. He got the movie tickets, I got the snacks and I started to feel more relaxed.

Once the movie started, I thought for sure he was going to hold my hand but I didn’t even get an accidental bump to my elbow much less any hand holding. After the painful movie, it was only around six-thirty and he asked what I wanted to do. He is always talking about liking this bar called, Gym, and so I suggested that. Not that I needed alcohol but figured a beer could at least bring some life back to this date. He said, “I’m not in the mood to drink today. Hope that’s ok.”

It was more than ok and so I suggested we go for a walk on the Highline. That is a place that can always strike up conversation and its great people watching as well. We walked and most of it was spent in silent, so much for my theory of conversations happening on this walk. As we were finishing our walk, he suggested we go to dinner. I was shocked that he wanted to go to dinner since I was bored out of my mind and I was certain that he was going to pull the excuse of needing to walk his dogs in order to get off this boring ass date.

He asked me what I was in the mood for, I wasn’t very hungry, but I know that any Mexican restaurant seats you down quickly, you get your chips and salsa and tacos all within the hour. So, I suggested we walk to eighth avenue and find a place that has available seating. We sat down, ordered and for a second I thought he was going to order a margarita but instead we both opted to stick with water. All I wanted to do was finish this meal, contact my friends to meet up so we can have a post-date meeting.

After we settled the bill, it was only eight-thirty and he was already sleepy. I offered to walk him to his subway stop and to my surprise he asked me what I was doing next Sunday. I was floored that he wanted to see me again after the snooze-fest that we were on. I told him that I’d need to check my calendar and I’d let him know. I also didn’t want to fully write him off just yet. I wanted to sleep on things and be sure I was making the right choice. However, if only one date out of four was good, the chance of the fifth date being a success wasn’t looking that great.

We hugged goodbye and when I got off the subway, I instantly sent a message to my friend to meet me at the, Ninth Avenue Saloon, to give him the details on my less than successful evening. As I waited at the bar for my friend to arrive, my date sent a message saying he had a lovely time, as usual and that he really wanted to kiss me, but he had taco breath. What the hell? Did I just read that message? I just sent a smiley face back to him. I didn’t know what else to say, I just felt so disconnected from the entire experience. I had just a couple of drinks with my friend and went home to sleep on a Saturday night by eleven.

Yesterday, I woke up, went to spin class and when I was done with a clear mind; I knew that I was done with the nurse. I sent him a message that said it was nice meeting him and I wished him the best. Many hours later, after I shopped and after I took myself to another movie, he responded. First he sent me a picture of a lamp? Then he said he was shocked by my message but was doing his best to respect my feelings and didn’t want to get too attached because…get this…he might be moving since New York isn’t agreeing with him. That was the first time I heard about him moving. It was clear that we both were disconnected with each other. He did ask if I was still free on Sunday for he’d like to do something as friends. I felt guilty and agreed to it.

When we lose connection with something or someone, it can be frustrating, disappointing and even challenging. In a time where staying connected is so important we must always remember that it doesn’t take a smartphone, a selfie or a post to know that the only connection that is important is what’s in your heart.

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