"Update" NYC

Liar Liar

New Year. Clean Slate. Endless possibilities. Resolutions. All sound familiar? Of course, it does because for most, that is what the New Year represents. It represents a chance for us to start all over again with 365 days to make a difference in our lives. Anything from losing weight to starting a brand-new career, we all have the capabilities of achieving anything we want. However, when it comes to love that can be just a bit trickier.

January 1st tends to be the day where mostly everyone is hungover from their New Year’s Eve’s festivities and I’m certain that everyone is also dreading going back to work after having several days off for the holiday break. I was no exception on the first day of the New Year, except I wasn’t too upset about going back to work and I was excited that the next day, January 2nd, I was starting the New Year off with a brand-new date!

I had been chatting with this guy since December but with the holidays it was hard to schedule a time for us to meet, so we agreed that we’d meet right after the New Year. The city was going through an intense winter blast and since we both lived in the same area we settled on a wine bar that is across the street from my apartment to avoid having to travel in the frigid temperatures.

During our chats in December he told me he was twenty-eight years old, which I thought for my age (I’m turning forty this year) I thought was a bit young for me. However, he did tell me that he was a doctor and he did seem to have this life in order, at least via text. So, that was a big reason as to why I agreed to meet him in the first place, he had a career and appeared to have his life in order.

At the wine bar, I opted to sit at the bar rather than get us a table. Something told me that this would be more of a date at a bar rather than some romantic even spent ordering appetizers and bottles of wine at a table. As I sat at the bar, five minutes turned into twenty and at the twenty-minute mark, he sent a text to me saying he was almost at the bar. I was highly annoyed that he had me waiting almost a half hour without any message saying that he was running late.
He finally enters the wine bar and I’m instantly not attracted to him. He was losing his hair and not that it bothers me about someone but in the photos that he shared, he did have hair in them. I decided to make the most of this situation but once again I was instantly turned off when he didn’t even apologize for being late but started off with, “I’m just someone that is always late. Some people like it and some don’t.” To which I responded, “I’m one of those people that don’t.” A bit of an awkward pause and then I suggested we at least get one glass of wine.

We did the normal first date questions of, “Where are you from?” “How long have you lived in the city?” and then came the topic of jobs. He asked me specifics about what I do for a living and I explained to him what it is that I do. I then asked, “You mentioned you are a doctor…what type of medicine do you practice?” His response was, “Oh, I’m not really a doctor. Rather, I’m a forensic autopsy technician.” I wasn’t sure if he was a liar at that moment but I was thrown off by the occupation. This dude was not doing a good job of selling himself to me. Showing up late, not having the proper hair on his head that he showcased and now not being a doctor but rather someone that works on dead people. In my dating career, I had already gone on a date with a funeral director that picked me up in a hearse, so I wasn’t looking forward to adding this to the roster.

I wasn’t sure how to turn this date around but I went the route of asking him if he had any travel plans set for the New Year. He said, “I want to go by myself to Antarctica for they have this place where I can witness an autopsy on a killer whale.” Ok. So, I could ask how the weather is and somehow this was guy was going to find a way to interject the word “autopsy” into the conversation.
It was my last attempt to salvage this date and so I asked him if he had any siblings. I told him about mine and how my nieces mean the world to me. I said I really enjoy children and his response was, “Sometimes I have to cut open little children that are found in dumpsters.” That was it. I was done. He could tell that I was pissed off and he said, “I’m sorry but I’m obsessed with death. Everyone is either born in two ways. C-Section or vaginal but everyone dies so differently and I’m fascinated by death.” As he was talking, I motioned the “check please” sign to our waiter, paid for my glass and walked away.

As I walked across the street back to my apartment, with looking behind me to make sure Mr. Autopsy wasn’t following me, I understood why he lied on his profile. How on earth do you make his occupation sexy? When I went to bed that night, I told myself that this wasn’t the tone we were going to set for 2018.
Over the next couple of weeks into the New Year, I focused on finessing my book, spending quality time with friends and finalizing plans for my fortieth birthday. However, I did begin to talk with a new guy that messaged me and I thought this guy was certainly better suited for me.

Date Number Two described himself as forty-two, six-foot-two, single and lives in the city and rather close to me as well. Again, we had been chatting for weeks but our schedules were rather difficult to settle in on a date so we decided to play things by ear.

It was this past weekend and on Friday was a birthday party for a good friend of mine and our entire group had a rather late night, so my Saturday was a slow one but still I managed to be productive. I was chatting with Date Number Two on Saturday where he told me that he will be traveling for work a great deal coming up and that hopefully, we can finally meet. I wasn’t feeling my best on Saturday so I told him to contact me on Sunday and see what our schedules look like.
Yesterday, was my typical Sunday spent taking a spin class, writing and watching football (yes, I really enjoy football). He messaged me as the Patriots had just won (sigh). He said, “Well since they won, how about we go to Rise bar and commiserate together?” It was the perfect message, I was in the mood for a beer so I agreed. I told him to give me thirty minutes and I’d meet him at the bar.
I arrived at the bar and he was sitting down with a seat reserved for me. Before he even stood up, I noticed that this man did NOT look like he was forty-two years old. Then he stood up to greet me and this man was also NOT six-foot-two, he was more like five-foot-ten. Two strikes on this date and I hadn’t even sat down yet. Yet, I told myself, I refuse to let this be the tone of 2018.

He was drinking white wine and I opted for a beer. I sat in silence thinking to myself how am I going to politely say what I really wanted to say and that was, “Liar Liar.” He started off by saying, “I can tell you are not pleased, can I ask why?” Perfect. There was my in to tell this man what I really thought. I said, “Well, for starters, you are not the height you mentioned in your profile. Secondly, I don’t want to assume, but while we are at it, I don’t think you’re forty-two either.” I didn’t apologize for calling him out but I was rather annoyed that he lied to me. I get that everyone will tell a white-lie here and there but to lie about your appearance knowing that one day you will meet this person is baffling to me.

“Would you have said yes to meeting me if I was honest with you?” Is what he asked me and I responded with, “No. But that was my choice to decide and now I am here. Let’s just finish this drink and we can move on.” He agreed and that was when he decided to let his truth out. He doesn’t live in the city full time but lives in Princeton, New Jersey in a house that he and his former husband used to live in. His husband passed away four years ago. He went onto explain that it’s been hard meeting friends and is now ready to start dating. He also told me that he’s a grandpa now to kids that his husband had in a previous marriage and that is why he keeps the house in New Jersey but is retiring in two years and will sell the house. Him unloading all his life on me went on for awhile and after my annoyance of his lying settled down, I knew what he needed was a friend not a boyfriend. I nodded, I smiled and showed compassion to his situation.

After my beer and his two glasses of white wine, I told him that I wanted to get home for I had work the next day. He asked if he could see me again, for he wanted to take me to New Jersey so he could build me a fire and cook for me. I declined the invitation and wished him the best of luck. Before I left he asked me, “What would you do if you were me?” I said, “Stop lying.” I walked around the corner to my apartment and I knew why my date lied to me. I get it. What I don’t get is what does the person that lies thinks will happen in the end?

All lies catch up to us in one form or another. While some lies can be harmless others can cause a major ripple effect on others we care about. I guess the best thing we can do is be mindful and above all else…truthful.

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