"Update" NYC

Absolute Certainty

Pliny the Elder, was an ancient Roman philosopher who wrote the quote on “certainty” and it goes: “The only certainty is that nothing is certain.”
I love that quote because it’s rather relevant as to where we are today. I think it’s safe to say that the path we created for ourselves isn’t exactly the path that we currently are on. You can make a plan, do your best to stick to it but, life, as we know it, will throw curveballs along the way to keep us on our toes. At times, it will be very hard for us to stay on course but as long as we don’t veer too far off than there should be no reason as to why we can’t accomplish the things we set out for ourselves.

It’s been over a month since my last entry and this entry will most likely be my last for the year before I set out for traveling for the holidays. So, what has happened in the last month? Like most out there, life has been consumed with work, holidays, parties, shopping and finding time to date.

Since my last entry back in November, the guy I was going on a few dates with, left for Australia for work for an entire month. In that month, there was the occasional text message and he came back to New York in the last week of November. When he got back, he spent about a week moving into his new apartment and trying to get that organized before he wanted to see me. I was in no rush to see him, mainly because I still wasn’t sure if there was even a future there for us. So, we ended up meeting for dinner two Friday’s ago. We met at an Italian restaurant where I thought I’d be more excited to see him but when we sat down, I remembered why I was so on the fence about him. It’s because he leans more toward the negative side of most subjects, whereas I, tend to be too optimistic.

As the waiter handed us our menus, he told me, “I can only have one drink tonight because my surgery is in two weeks and I can’t have any alcohol in my system.” I wasn’t disappointed in only having one drink but in my mind, I wanted more to get through the meal. However, we each ordered one glass of wine and I nursed that glass for as long as I could. We spent most of the evening talking about his experience in Australia and how he is prepping for his surgery. A quick refresher on the surgery he is having…he had gastro bypass surgery over a year ago and now his next surgery (which is happening this Wednesday) is to remove the excess skin.

Over the course of the dinner, I noticed that I wasn’t smiling but doing my best to be polite and asked him questions on his surgery and smiled at photos he was showing me of koala bears. Once the bill was settled, I thought for sure he was going to ask me back to his new apartment but instead he said he had a lovely time, wanted to see me again once more before his surgery and that his apartment wasn’t ready for company yet since he had just moved in and boxes were everywhere. We hugged an awkward hug goodbye and I ended up meeting friends later for drinks.

That date was two weeks ago and in that time, I was also texting with a new person I had met. I was hesitant to even be messaging with him since he is twenty-eight years old and my initial instinct was that is too young for me. However, I began to exchange messages with him and seeing that he is a physician, I felt certain that there would be a higher level of maturity given his profession. So, against all my initial instincts, I went along with two weeks’ worth of text messages and I appreciated the messages because never did it lead to it being sexual but rather questions on work, family and things of that nature.

Last week literally started off with a bang when an attempted terrorist attack went off at Port Authority here in Manhattan. Thankfully, no one was severely injured and I managed to avoid that subway stop all together. What I did find nice was when that all happened, the physician reached out to me to see if I was alright. It was there that I told myself to take a chance and ask him out for wine. I asked him out for this past Thursday and he said, “Great!” There it was, a new date, someone brand new and for the first time in a long time…I was excited. I picked a new wine bar in my area and he was thrilled for he had also never tried it. The two days prior to the date, I was busy with work and every night I had a dinner with friends to attend to.

This past Thursday, I suggested we meet at eight in the evening. That would give me enough time to finish work, workout and then to get ready. So, during my work day, I figured I would contact the physician to confirm. I sent the text and I heard nothing for hours and by the time my work day had ended, I still hadn’t heard from him. I still stuck with my plan for after two weeks of deep text messaging, I still felt certain that our plans hadn’t changed. I convinced myself that given his profession that he isn’t always attached to his phone and that he was most likely running around after work like I was in order to make it by eight.

Eight o’clock and I’m sitting at the wine bar. No sign of the physician. No message. No phone call. It was a Thursday evening at a wine bar in Hell’s Kitchen, it was busy. I felt like a fool just sitting there not ordering anything so I ordered a glass of red wine while I waited. By the time I finished my glass, I knew that I had been stood up. I placed the tip on the counter, grabbed my coat and went home. Normally, I would be down on myself for not following my instinct and never even messaging someone young like that but I knew why I did it in the first place. I did it because it was nice to be paid attention to even if it was just via text messages. Someone asking how your day is going, someone wishing you a nice evening or someone telling you how excited they are to meet you. I fell for the lines and I will do it again because regardless of how many times one can be faced with disappointment I know and believe there are still good people out there.

Thankfully, the next day, I already had plans to go to my friend, Feather’s country house. It was just what I needed to be distracted, to be lazy and to not be in the city. For two days, I stayed in sweats, drank, ate and laughed endlessly. When we got back to the city yesterday afternoon, I had plans to go over to the guy’s apartment who is having surgery this week. I felt like I needed to see him one more time before had this intense surgery. He doesn’t have a lot of friends and so I asked who would be taking care of him, if he needed anyone to pick him up from the hospital, etc. He told him he hired a nurse for a week to do all that stuff but was grateful for my offering. I’m sure I would make a terrible nurse given my phobia of all things medical but the offer, I told him, still stands.

He showed me his new apartment that has a terrace, etc. After the tour of his apartment last night, I thought with certainty that he’d want to at least make out but instead he wanted to order chicken. Yup. After not seeing me for over a month he wanted to order take-out chicken instead. So…we ate chicken, watched a movie and after the chicken, after the movie…he was tired. I had no track of time so when I looked at the clock it read: 8:30. I could go down the list of possibilities as to why nothing ever happened between us but I was glad that nothing happened physically between us last night because I’m very certain that there isn’t a romantic future between us. He’s about to go through something very life changing and we simply aren’t on the same page. I wished him a nice holiday, a successful surgery and hopefully he will enjoy his new skin. The fact that I’m saying, “I hope you enjoy your new skin” is something that I never imagined I would be saying in my dating years. I went home and knew that I will most likely never see him again.

Ironically enough, on my way home from the date, I was listening to my music and the song, “Summer Breeze” by Seals and Croft came on. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud like a crazy person. That song was a song that Mr. D. and I would sing to each other all the time. The other ironic part of this story is that today, December 18th, was the last time I ever saw him or spoke to him. It’s been exactly one year today that I ended things with Mr. D. once and for all. Do I think about him? Only from time to time. Do I miss him? Of course. Do I know that we are wrong for each other? With absolute certainty.

Like anything in our lives, jobs, relationships and even health. There are no certainties but only opportunities. Opportunities to be better people, to treat others with the upmost kindness and respect and most importantly to treat ourselves with love, forgiveness and light.

Just a quick note to thank all of you readers from all over the world. Your dedication and support is never taken for granted. I am grateful for each one of you and will do my best to provide you with more stories in 2018! Peace, love and happiness to you all.

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