"Update" NYC

Giving it a Chance

When we were children our parents often tried to get us to do things that we didn’t like. We refused to eat our vegetables and didn’t want to go to bed at a certain time. We didn’t know at the time but what they were doing for us was for the better. They knew that vegetables were needed to make us stronger and getting rest was beneficial for school the next day. Yet, as kids, we didn’t know that. All we knew was that we weren’t getting our way and refused to giving things a chance. Now, as adults, we have free reign to do whatever we want-whenever we want and there are still moments in our lives where we simply must give things a chance that just might benefit us in the long run.

The last time I wrote, I was still on the fence with what to do with the guy I had been on several dates with…The Ex-Cop. Each date had been wonderful, polite, romantic even. Yet, there was “something” that was blocking me from allowing myself to want to move forward. I knew that I should give him a chance because he is a good guy, has manners, is a family man and would treat me that way I deserve to be treated. After our last date, I wanted to force myself to think about what exactly it is that is stopping me from allowing this man into my life.

My reasons weren’t because of attraction because I am attracted but it was bigger than that. It was because he got to live a life that I had hoped would one day happen for me. He was married and he has children. Seeing that we are seventeen years apart in age, I wasn’t sure he would even want to discuss children and seeing that he’s only been out of the closet since this past December, I also knew he had a lot of life to live. So, after our last date on Labor Day, I needed some time to myself to think about what I wanted and not be afraid to have a discussion with him the next time we saw each other.

Two Saturday’s ago, my friend who had appendicitis was recovering and asked me to come over to keep him company. Part of that recovery was showing me the city via the water taxi. We took a water taxi on the east side and road it to the Dumbo area in Brooklyn. There we saw how beautiful Brooklyn Heights has always been. It was such a great day and I could tell that my friend really needed to be out and about for his recovery. Afterwards, we went back to his place, talked and I had to leave early because the next day I was going back to a different part of Brooklyn, Park Slope, to meet another friend of mines newborn baby girl.
While I was in Park Slope visiting the baby another friend of mine met us in a park with her nineteen-month-old son whom I adore. While I was there, the Ex-Cop was texting me and asking me if I was having a nice time with all the kids. We had already planned our next date which was for the next day. I told him that I was looking forward to our date and he replied quickly with, “Is it Monday yet?”

I woke up the next day after spending time with the kids feeling like I was coming down with a cold. I know those playgrounds are just one big petri dish but I stocked up on medicine for I knew I couldn’t cancel on my date because the next evening he was leaving for Ireland for a football game with his friends.
For our date, we met for a few drinks before heading to dinner. I told him right off the bat that I was coming down with a cold and he understood. Over dinner he could tell that something was on my mind and so he asked if there was anything wrong. There it was…my time to ask him the question that most would say is far too early to ask but I knew that if I didn’t; I could run the risk of spinning both of our wheels. So, I said, “I know you have children that you love very much and I know that you’ve noticed that I spend a lot of time around children. That being said, I do want children one day. I know that you’ve had them already, you’re older and so I’m wondering if you can see yourself one day having more children?”

I was waiting for him to say that he was shocked at the question or possibly tell me that the question was inappropriate given that we haven’t even slept together yet but instead he told me, “I have noticed you like children which is one of the things I like about you. I love getting to know you and spend time with you and I’d like to see where things go. So, I could see myself having more children one day.” He was drinking beer at dinner and I was having tea but it was there that I thought I might need to give things a chance if I could just allow myself to. He walked me home and gave each other a hug since I didn’t want to get him sick before his trip. Since then, he has text me from Ireland and I hope to see him this week when returns.

This past Friday, I was out with my friend dancing at the bar, Industry. It was one of those nights where we both needed to let our hair down after the first full work-week since Labor Day. We were doing shots and dancing. While on the dancefloor, I noticed a tall guy that looked very familiar to me. Turns out, he was a guy I went on a few dates with back in January. I went over to him and tapped him on the shoulder and he recognized me instantly. I could tell he was drunk which was odd because from what I remembered back on our dates…he didn’t drink. I wanted to get back to my friend so as I was turning to go back to the dancefloor, he asked me if he could take me out again. He said, that back in January he felt like I wasn’t interested in him so he never contacted me again, which was odd because that’s exactly how I felt about him. We hugged and he said he would contact me the next day to set up a time to meet for dinner.

Yesterday, bright and early, I got a text message from the guy on Friday night asking me if we were still on for that evening. I told him that we are confirmed and that I was looking forward to catching up. It’s funny that he and I live only five blocks away from each other and yet I’ve never seen him around. He wanted to go to Arriba Arriba for some dinner and margaritas. He was waiting for me when I arrived and we got a table outside. We hadn’t seen each other in nine months and so we had to get reacquainted. Over dinner, I re-learned that he works as an accountant, is from the Midwest, has two dogs in Atlanta with his ex-husband and confessed that he really liked me on our dates but wasn’t sure how to pursue me. After dinner, he paid because he said he was appreciative that I accepted another date with him and because that is what gentleman do. I thanked him and said that since the evening was still young that if he wanted to grab a drink across the street that it was my treat. He agreed and once inside, I promptly ordered two whiskey drinks (I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea to go from tequila to whiskey).

As we were seated at the bar, I noticed in the corner of the bar was a guy I had dated a few years ago. That relationship didn’t end well so I wasn’t sure how or if things were going to get uncomfortable. My current date noticed that my focus had shifted and I confessed to him what was happening and he said, “Well, let’s kiss and make him jealous.” I took a big swig of whiskey and we began to make out at the bar and it turns out this date of mine is an excellent kisser. When I finally decided to come up for air, I noticed that my ex-boyfriend had left. It wasn’t a mature act by any means but damn…that kissing was just what I needed. My date and I finished our drinks and that led to the famous question that he asked me, which was, “Want to come back to my place?” No response was needed because I had taken him by the hand and started walking. We got to his place and no words were needed, I didn’t even do my usual routine of excusing myself to the restroom to look inside the medicine cabinet. I didn’t care because all I wanted was to make-out like I was in high school, which was exactly what we did for an hour. I stumbled to find my socks and as I was putting my shoes back on, he asked me out again and I told him that I would let him know once I knew my schedule. As I was walking home, I was glad that I gave him another chance because regardless of the outcome…I was having fun.

This morning, I’ve confirmed that my next date is this upcoming Sunday and I have no idea what to expect. I also am not sure when the Ex-Cop returns from Ireland and what that future holds there either. What I do know is that I’m giving it all a chance and if something turns out for the better than that is great and if not…well…at least I tried.

Taking a chance on someone is a risk but taking a chance on yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself. There will be times that the chance we take doesn’t always turn out in our favor but if you never take a chance than nothing will ever happen. I encourage you all this week to take a chance on yourself!

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