For most of us out there, we let our emotions steer our choices in life while others use a more logical approach to life. It’s always challenging to find a balance between your emotions and your logic when making important decisions for yourself. Whether you are a logical person or someone that thinks with their heart the common thing we have with these decisions is our ability to have any kind of emotions that come from the inside out.
On Monday of last week, I was at my desk working when I got a call from a number I didn’t recognize but I knew that it was coming from a local New York area code. I answered it and it was an agency claiming that I owed them a certain amount of money from a credit card I opened last year. Instantly, I knew that it was related to my identity theft case from last year and I began to tell them what had happened to me. I wasn’t expecting the response from the other person on the phone when they told me that they aren’t concerned about my identity theft but that they want their money and they will be coming to my apartment or my place of employment the next day between the hours of 3-5 p.m. to serve me papers and that I better be obtaining proper identification when they arrive. My emotions ran from anger to terrified because I was exhausted with fighting this battle with trying to regain my identity back. I told them that they can come for me whenever they’d like and the reason I was comfortable with saying that was because they had no idea where I worked and are under the assumption that I live in Brooklyn since that is where my identity was stolen.
Unfortunately, with that phone call came another message that I wasn’t anticipating on receiving. My family contacted me and said that my grandmother, whom I’m very close with, suffered a minor heart attack and was in the hospital. Once again, my emotions got the best of me and it went from sadness to nervousness because in my mind there is a small piece of me that feels my grandmother still has a long journey ahead of her. By the time that Monday had ended, I was beyond the point of exhaustion.
The following day, the guy from D.C. that I had been on a few dates with asked me to go to the movies with him later on that evening. I figured after everything that I had been through on Monday; a movie was the perfect distraction from my reality. Throughout the work day, I admit that I was on edge because I was nervous that at any point the people that threatened to serve me papers was going to appear either at my job or my apartment. I decided to tell my office building to not let anyone in the building if they asked for me and thankfully they agreed to my request. Before I left, I was telling a coworker of mine about my identity theft situation and she suggested that I Google the local phone number that called me, I had no idea you could Google a phone number and when I did, it turns out that the number was associated with fraud. I reported the incident to the police and it is now being investigated.
After I left work that day, I went to the gym before I needed to meet the guy from D.C. for our movie date. When I got out of the gym, I noticed I had a text message from Mr. D. and I read the message and he was telling me that he heard from my coworker about what happened with my identity theft and he said that if anything else like that happens to please contact him and he would help any way he can. I responded back and thanked him for his message and also mentioned that my grandmother was sick. I was surprised at his response for he said that he would offer to pay for a plane ticket for me to visit my grandmother in Arizona. I declined the offer but his generous offer was something I wasn’t anticipating. We messaged back and forth for awhile and when I asked him how he was doing, he wrote back that he wasn’t doing so well and was having really negative thoughts. Mr. D. normally does not share that kind of information about himself and I could tell he was severely depressed. I suggested that we meet later on in the week to talk and he said that would be perfect. It was now time for me to rush out of my apartment and meet my movie date in Time Square. As I walked to the movie theatre I realized that I was rather drained from all the events that happened in the past 24 hours. Also, on my walk, I told myself that I would not be spending the night with D.C. guy because I was simply too emotionally drained and probably wouldn’t be the best company to be around. As we sat there watching the movie, Madea’s Halloween movie, I let everything go for two hours and it was nice.
By the time Thursday rolled around, I was feeling much better about everything because no one showed up to serve me papers and I never heard from the fraud people again. The guy from D.C. messaged me during the day to see how I was doing and suggested I come by his apartment that evening to watch a movie and stay the night. It was pouring down rain that night and it was the perfect evening to stay inside and keep out of the nasty weather. As we sat on his couch watching a movie, something inside me said this might be the night that we take things to the next level. I wasn’t sure if he was in that same mindset but I figured it was worth a try. After the movie, we got ready for bed and I knew that it was now or never to try this with him.
I did my very best to connect with the D. C. guy but suffice to say, it was in the top five of worse experiences in the bedroom. There was no chemistry whatsoever from my part, I worked double-time to make it happen but let’s just say he came up very small and when we kissed it was like kissing my own hand. I did end up staying the night (mainly because it was still pouring rain outside) and when I woke up the next morning, I told myself that I needed to end things with D. C. guy.
It was going to be the first Friday in eleven weeks where I didn’t have plans and I was rather excited about it. I wanted to recharge my batteries and focus on the weekend ahead but I got a text message from a friend asking me to come with him to happy hour at this bar called, Posh, a bar that none of us had been to in years. I told them that I would only stay for a few and that I would go home afterwards. When I got to the bar, I had to pee really badly but someone was already in there. I knocked on the door a few times because this person was in there longer than five minutes. When the door opened, I was surprised to see D.C. standing in the bathroom doorway. What were the odds of bumping into him at a bar I hadn’t been to in years? I had to laugh at the situation and we said a polite hello to each other and he was with his friends on one side of the bar, while I stayed on the other side with mine. As he was leaving, he told me to have a good weekend and left. As soon as he left, my friends told me that they really didn’t see me with him anyhow. I stuck to my limit and had my few beers and went home where I was in bed by 10:30 on a Friday night.
The next day was spent running a ton of errands and followed by going to my friends’ apartment for some catching-up before heading to his favorite bar, The Eagle. I made sure I got myself home at a descent hour because I was trying my best to save money where I can.
Yesterday, I woke up and started off with a lazy Sunday and Mr. D. sent me a text message asking to meet at 5 that afternoon so we can catch-up. A couple of hours later, I got another text message from him and he said, “Let’s meet at the Strand at 5 p.m.” I had no idea he even knew about this store (which is one of my favorite stores in the city) and when I asked him why he suggested this place; his response was, “Because I know you love books!”
I decided that since it was 75 degrees in October that I would walk from my apartment to Union Square, the walk was going great until about ten minutes before I arrived at the bookstore when a huge thunderstorm swooped in and drenched everyone. Mr. D. arrived right on time, drenched from the rain and we began to look at books, he showed me books he used to read as a kid and I convinced him to buy them and when we walked out, he said, “I can’t believe I just spent 50 dollars on books.”
We ended up at some sports bar where I drank wine and he stuck with his iced tea. Over our conversation, we covered our jobs, our friends and family and finally I turned the conversation to the reason why we were meeting in the first place…his mental state. I could tell that his emotions from the inside changed and was now showing up on his face. I told him that I was there to listen and whatever he tells me will be with no judgement. He spoke for a good half hour about the thoughts he’s been having and I sat there and didn’t say a word. When he was done, I told him that I think he really should go to therapy. He agreed which is a big step for him because he doesn’t like to spend money on anything and regardless of the outcome; this man needs help that I can’t provide him.
We met at 5 o’clock yesterday and before I knew it, hours had passed by and we both decided to call it an evening. When the bill came, I suggested we split it and as we were signing our checks, he said, “Leave a five dollar tip.” I said, “How did you know I was going to ask that?” and he said, “Because you ALWAYS ask what tip to leave. This way, I just beat you to the punch.” I loved that he knows my odd ways and I know his and while I know our future together is slim to none, it was nice that I had someone for a few hours that made me happy, made me smile, made my emotions feel…well…fantastic. I got home and told him that I got home safely and thanked him for the relaxing afternoon. He responded back with, “Thank you! You really are a gem.”
Our emotions play such a big part of how we interact with ourselves and with the world. You can tell when someone is happy or angry just by the look on their faces. Everything that we hold inside eventually comes out for the entire world to witness and all of that is driven by our emotions. Some people have better control of their emotions than others but however you roll the dice…our emotions always come from the inside out.
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