Living in the real world each and every single day can be a rather exhausting thing to do. That is why there are such things as movies, television programs, music, vacations and all mediums of entertainment to take us away our reality. And when we are taken away for that period of time we forget about our bills, mortgages and jobs, our reality shuts down and we are at peace with the world. Then our fantasy ends and we are thrown back into our day to day lives. What happens when we try to fit our fantasy life into our reality?
For the past two years, I’ve fantasized what my life would be like if Mr. D. ever came to terms with who he actually is. Would we be happy? Would I be happy and would I finally get my happily ever after? Its questions like that that most would classify as living in a “fantasy” world. Because the reality is that when it comes to relationships it’s never like what we see in the movies. I’ve tried for a very long time to bring my fantasy world into my reality and in most cases the situation ends up blowing up in my face.
Last Sunday, I had a date with someone that I had met in Washington D.C. over a year and a half ago. It was a nice date and a date that was filled with conversation, a slight touch and a kiss at my door. Was I shaken to my core the way I see it in the movies? No. Was I glad to be going on a date after all my Mr. D . drama? Absolutely. I knew going in that this date was a stepping stone for me to begin the healing process of finally moving on from Mr. D., which was why I agreed to a second date later on in the week with this new guy.
He was polar opposite compared to Mr. D. (which is a very good thing). He didn’t work in my industry (he’s a lawyer), he was one of the tallest guys I’ve ever gone on a date with (6’4) and had excellent communication skills (unlike Mr. D.). Last Tuesday morning, I woke up not feeling my greatest. I knew I was coming down with a head cold. So, I piled on all my meds because I wanted to feel better for Wednesday, which was the night of my date.
On Wednesday, I got a text message from the new guy saying he was looking forward to having me over. Our date was going to consist of him cooking me dinner and us watching the final presidential debate. I tried to convince myself that I was feeling better all throughout the day, drinking green tea with honey, taking Vitamin C and taking medicine which I don’t really like to take. After work, instead of going to the gym, I went home to try and take a little nap before going over to his apartment where he was making a homemade meal for us.
I woke up from my nap, showered and before I left I thought it would be a good idea to take some cold medicine just so I could feel better. I arrived at his apartment which he is renting till the end of November and which is also a five minute walk from my apartment. When I walked in, there was a beautiful display of brie cheese, apples, walnuts, crackers and a bottle of wine waiting. We sat down and proceeded to eat, drink and catch-up. He could tell that I was sick but in my fantasy world, I convinced myself that I was feeling amazing. Before dinner was even ready, we had polished off one bottle of red wine. Another bottle of red wine was opened and we had a delicious meal of salad with homemade dressing along with homemade marinara sauce, spaghetti and grilled chicken. I couldn’t believe the amount of effort he put into the meal and I was truly grateful. When we stood up from the kitchen table, I felt myself feeling a little woozy, I chalked it up to having too much red wine but I had forgotten that I took two cold medicine pills before I left my apartment. We sat on the couch and got comfortable to watch the debate. Sitting on the couch was the last thing I remembered from the evening.
The next morning, I woke up to an alarm noise that I had never heard of before. When I jumped up out of bed, I screamed because I had no idea where I was. I looked over to my right and there my date was trying to turn off his alarm on his phone. I asked what happened and why I was just in my t-shirt and underwear. He said that the minute we sat down on the couch, I began to say words that didn’t make sense and that I fell asleep on his stomach. He said, I began to fall into a deep sleep but kept repeating the sentence, “Make sure to set the alarm for seven.” While I was asleep, he watched the debate and after it was over, he said I was in no condition to get home, so he picked me up and took me to his bed where he undressed me and tucked me in. He assured me we didn’t do anything sexual and I knew he was telling the truth. I apologized and he laughed and said not to worry and he walked me to his door and asked to see me on Sunday.
As I walked home, the brisk morning air made me feel better and while I didn’t wake up with a hangover, my body knew that it had taken too much medicine. It wasn’t my most romantic date but it certainly wasn’t my worse and I felt more embarrassed than anything. I got ready for work and when I got to my desk, I sent him a text message apologizing again for me passing out. He reassured me that it wasn’t a big deal and he actually had fun even though the only thing I did was eat and pass out on him.
After I felt better about my actions from the night before, I began to focus on work. As my reality world would have it, I was in a meeting with Mr. D. that day and when the meeting was over with, Mr. D. took that opportunity to say to me, “Just so you know, I’m still looking for a keychain for you. I want to find the perfect one because you deserve it and I love nothing more than to see you smile.” My fantasy world wanted me to jump across the table and hug him and thank him for thinking of me like that and it’s those kinds of words that I love to hear. My reality world knew that he is not really looking for a keychain, he just knows that I love all things that are romantic and saying those words to me will keep him in my radar and more than anything it’s a manipulative tactic that he’s been using on me for the past two years.
This past weekend, I went to Feathers’ country house in Pennsylvania and it was just what I needed. We ate, drank, played games and got rest. When I got back home yesterday afternoon, I had only one hour to get ready and meet this new guy for our date. Our date was going to consist of me taking him to one of my favorite wine bar, Lela Bar, which on Sunday’s has a live band that plays jazz. I picked this wine bar because earlier in the week he had expressed his love of jazz and the other reason was because a year ago, Mr. D. and I had gone to this wine bar together and had an amazing experience.
I was running a few minutes late and when I got out of my building; my date was waiting for me. I wasn’t sure if it was the fact that I was running late and a tad frazzled that I wasn’t as excited to see him or was I getting inside my own head at how I was going to this wine bar where I had such a wonderful experience with Mr. D. I decided to push my fantasies aside and focus on my reality. My date and I got on the subway and headed to the West Village. Thankfully, when we arrived at the wine bar, it wasn’t that crowded and we got two seats in the back.
On the date, I found it very hard to have a conversation with him. I felt bad for comparing him to Mr. D. but I was guilty of doing so. I looked around at the bar and all the other couples around us were having conversations, laughing and touching. I was working overtime on trying to find out more about my date. He told me, “You can ask me anything, it’s just that I’m not that good with starting the conversation.” Not exactly the most romantic words you want to hear but I did my best with what I was given. We ordered wine and snacks and listened to the band. After the wine, after the snacks and after the band was done with their set, we decided to head back to his place.
When we got inside his apartment, he went straight for the couch and wanted to cuddle while he watched a movie. As he watched the movie, I did my best to make a move and the best I got was kisses on my forehead and lips but nothing beyond that. He simply wanted to cuddle and when the movie was over with, he said he wanted me to stay the night and I agreed because that was the boldest move he made all evening. When we got into bed, he turned the light off, cuddled me and that was it. I wasn’t sure what was missing but I decided to just focus on the cuddling part and reminded him to set the alarm for seven.
The alarm this morning went off at exactly seven and I bounced up immediately to splash some water on my face and he was a gentleman in the fact that he walked me to his door, hugged me and said he would message me later on today.
We all get caught up in our fantasies, whatever they might be. It’s perfectly ok to dream, to be optimistic and to want something greater in life what is the harder part is trying to fit these dreams and hopes into our reality.
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