"Update" NYC

Where Have You Been?

It’s been a little over two months since my last entry; the longest I’ve ever gone without writing for the blog. Before we go into all that has transpired over the past couple of months; I would like to thank all the readers out there for their constant emails. Whether you were asking if I was alright or if the blog was being canceled all together and I hope I’ve done my best with responding back to all of you out there. I’m very grateful and appreciative for your concerns and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t know how lucky I am for the readers.

The last time I wrote was after my return from California in which Mr. D. never showed up and I was left three thousand miles to figure out what I was going to do next and thankfully I had friends and family to lean on while I was there.  Since my return from California, I can report that I haven’t communicated with Mr. D. whatsoever.

I do see him five days a week and for that first month after my return, it was hard for him and for me. I was so angry with him that I wanted to throw a heavy stapler in his direction. I know that nothing good ever comes from being angry and so I simply acted as if I wasn’t upset even though every time I saw him whether that was in the hallway, him walking by my desk or even in the bathroom; my heart was broken. By the time the second month of no communication with him, I was doing better with not feeling as if I wanted to cry or yell.

And over that time, there were so many moments that I missed with him. Like attending his best friend’s wedding in Boston or even his birthday (which I was invited by coworkers but I declined). While this time apart from him has been hard, I’ve managed to keep myself rather busy.

While I’ve been away from the blog, several things have occurred…I managed to get a third degree burn on my ankle when trying to help a friend cook (thank you burn unit of Beth Israel for its healed nicely). Aside from that I’ve also managed to see Beyonce in concert, rode roller coasters with friends in Hershey Park, which roller coasters are not for me and met my best friend’s new born baby in Boston (ironically enough that weekend I was visiting, Mr. D. was attending his best friend’s wedding). There was the celebration of PRIDE and of course my usual of visits to Feather’s country house and beach times in Long Island. However, the most important thing that I’ve done in my absence from the blog was I finished editing my first draft of my book. It’s taken over two years to write and took several weeks to edit but the first draft is done and my next step is to find a publisher and once that is done than I will feel like I’ve actually accomplished something with my life.

Seeing that this blog is about my dating life and its adventures that come with dating, I can say that I’ve been on two dates in the past two months. The first month after Mr. D. and I stopped all communication, I was in no mindset to get back out there. However, with much encouragement from my friends, I decided to get back out there. They set-up a Tinder account for me (that app is not for me) and I’ve dusted off the OkCupid account not to mention I’m always out and about in the city. So, there you have it, I was putting myself back out there and I wasn’t sure what exactly was out there after spending so much time and energy waiting for Mr. D. to get his act together.

It was the Friday of Fourth of July weekend and my friends and I decided to do a little happy hour at the bar, Rise, near my apartment. We were all having a good time, me with my pink drinks and my friends with their beers. One of my friends decided to go to the restroom and that left me with my other friend but I did notice a handsome older gentleman looking in my direction. After a few glances back and forth between each other, he finally introduced himself. He introduced himself as, “J.T.” to which I responded with, “What does J.T. stand for?” and he said that doesn’t like to give out that kind of information. I laughed in his face because I thought that was a rather silly response from someone his age.  We began to talk in between me trying to pay attention to my friends and we had exchanged phone numbers along the way. He excused himself and went outside because he said he had to take a call that was coming in. Two seconds later, I felt my phone vibrate and when I looked at it, it was a photo of him, not a nude photo but just of his face. I responded back with, “Handsome” and two seconds later, I get another message from him and this time it was a picture of his penis. From the bar, I could see him standing outside on his phone. I didn’t respond to the photo of his penis because I thought it was tacky that he sent me that in the first place. He came back inside and apologized for being so crude and I brushed it off and continued to talk with him and my friends. He and his friends left the bar and he said he would call me to ask me out on a proper date. I wasn’t sure if I believed him or not but I felt like I was officially back in the dating game.

The next morning, I woke up and there was a message from him asking me out for that night. I haven’t been on a brand new date with guy on a Saturday night in a very long time. I figured that since it was a holiday weekend and I’d be seeing my friends all weekend long that I should give this date a chance. I agreed and he suggested we meet at Rise bar again at 7:30 and from there we can go to dinner.

7:30 and he was waiting for me at the bar when I arrived. We ordered our drinks and sat in the corner so that no one could bother us. It was there that we started talking about all our normal first date topics. Topics like, jobs, where both of us are from, family, friends, etc. After our second drink, he took a turn and while he was asking me normal questions, he began to whisper to me all sorts of dirty things he wanted to do me sexually.  When he first did the whisper thing to me, I asked him to repeat himself and he acted as if he didn’t say anything. I told myself that maybe I’m hearing things and didn’t ask him to repeat himself.

It was time for dinner now and we went to try a new Mexican restaurant just down Ninth Avenue. As we walked the few blocks to the restaurant, I felt myself smiling because it was nice being on a date with a handsome man that was paying attention to me and I told myself to just go with the flow and see where the evening takes me. We got to the restaurant and we were seated in the outside patio where I was placed under the air conditioner. Being the princess that I am, I was too cold and my date asked management to move us and I thought that was what a true gentleman would do.

Drinks were ordered and when the waitress brought them to our table, my date asked the waitress if she would take our picture because it was our first date. I looked at him like he had three heads. First date and we are taking pictures? I wasn’t sure if he was being romantic or was on the bus to crazy town. I agreed to the picture and smiled as I held up my giant margarita that came in a pineapple.

During dinner and drinks, we continued our date and our polite conversation. However, I noticed that my date was beginning his whispering of sexual things to me. He would ask me things like, “How long did you dance for?” And then would whisper something like, “I really want to take you back to my apartment and see you naked.” I asked him point blank if he had some sort of sexual tourettes because he kept this going on for the entire night. Finally, dinner was done, we settled the bill and as we left the restaurant, he grabbed me and kissed me on the busy avenue. He then told me I was really cute and smelled amazing and that he is in the mood for dessert. He suggested we grab some cookies from this bodega and grab a cab back to his place. Maybe it was the margaritas, maybe it was the fact that this man was paying attention to me or maybe I wanted to see how far his sexual turrets was going to go but whatever the reason was…I agreed to go.

We get to his apartment and it looked like a frat house there was empty beer cans, clothes everywhere and I couldn’t imagine what the bathroom was going to look like but I really had to pee. The bathroom was so gross but I didn’t care, I really had to go. When I got out of the bathroom he was already on the couch with a huge bong in front of him. He asked me if I smoked weed and I said no because there was certainly no way I was going to do anything with a guy I just met. We sat on the couch and began making out, I needed a distraction because I was worried about how dirty everything was around me. We came up for air and that is when he took a hit from his bong and when he came around to kiss me, he blew the smoke in my mouth. I began to cough up a storm and asked him for water, thankfully, he had a brand new bottle of water in his fridge for I wouldn’t take water from any of his glasses. I told him not to do that again and we began to make out again and then the smoke he blew in my mouth hit me. I began to laugh and not feel sexy and I could barely keep my head up. I got really sleepy and my legs began to feel like rubber. He suggested we go to his bedroom where we could lay down. I agreed even though I didn’t feel right with sleeping at his place. When he got me to bed, he told me he has to be up early because he is going with this group to a nude beach in my fuzzy state of mind, I knew this guy wasn’t going anywhere in life because I found out that he’s unemployed and only cares about his weed and guys. I told him that we are not having sex and he didn’t like the response and got up and put a towel between us on the bed. He said I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to walk home or take a cab and I ended up falling asleep while he was still doing his sexual tourettes to me.

Around 3 a.m. I noticed he got up and when I looked down the hall, there J.T. was in his glory. I watched him as he was naked walking around his living room, eating cookies, smoking weed and carrying around his laptop that was playing porn. Where the hell was I? Why is this my first date after being in hiding for so long and I noticed that I still wasn’t feeling like myself, so all I did was tell him that it was late and that I was going back to bed. He didn’t care and so I fell back asleep until 7 a.m. when I woke up and grabbed my shoes and snuck out the apartment and did the walk of shame.

On my walk home, I realized that the dating world hadn’t changed much and it didn’t look like they were going to change anytime soon.  I knew I had a date that upcoming Wednesday with a guy that I’ve known for years. We went on a few dates two years ago and then his job transferred him to Los Angeles and now he was coming back to the city for good. He suggested we meet at this cute place called, Kilo, which is also right by my apartment. He sent me a text message earlier on the day or our date to wear shorts because he really likes my legs. I responded back with, “I will see what I can do.”

I was running late and showed up a few minutes late and he was waiting for me. I hadn’t seen him in the two years that he’s been on the west coast and when I arrived, he looked like a totally different person. He had gained a lot of weight, went somewhat bald and was wearing an American Eagle polo at the age of 35. He had just gotten a major promotion and a fat raise from his company and just bought an apartment on the Upper West Side, this guy was making things happen for himself. As I sat there, he didn’t ask me one question about myself and so I sat and listened to him go on about his work, his apartment and everything else that revolved around him. He did all the ordering including the rose wine that we were drinking. Finally he began to complain about New York and how he hated the heat during the summer, the prices, etc. I couldn’t take it anymore and I just said, “Than why did you come back? Was it just for the money?” He said that the money was the only reason he came back. The date lasted a total of fifty minutes and when the bill came, he looked at me and said, “You got this?” I suggested we go half but he said he forget his cards at the office. Now I was stuck with a bill that was close to two hundred dollars and I was sitting across from a sweaty, fat, balding man that was still wearing clothes geared toward college students. I paid and left him there and decided that maybe getting back out into the dating scene isn’t exactly the right time for me. Since that date, there was been no others and there is nothing on the horizon. I’m alright with that because if there are still the dates that consist of guys like this than I’m perfectly content with waiting patiently until something worthy comes along.

This past Friday, my friends and I managed to get out of work early and head to Grand Bank, which is a boat along the Hudson River where you can have drinks with a bunch of preppy people. We had one beer and aside from the motion sickness from the boat that we were feeling, it wasn’t our scene. We decided to go to the bar, The Monster, for a few beers and as we were leaving the bar, I felt my phone vibrate. I pulled my phone out and there it was, a name I hadn’t seen appear on my phone in over two months, Mr. D.

I opened the message and there was no text only a picture. A picture of a street we used to walk down in Boston. A street where we joked with each other that we would live some day and where I’d get my very own washer and dryer and a street that he knows I love and a street he knew I’d have a reaction to. My friends instantly knew that something was wrong by my face. I told them the truth and they wanted to take my phone right away and block his number for good. They asked me why I still have his number and why I just won’t block his number once and for all. I didn’t really have answer because it was such a shock to see his name appear in my phone. I put my phone away and spent the rest of the evening with my friends. I still haven’t responded to Mr. D.’s message and I won’t. I’m not sure what he was trying to do with sending that picture and while I care about what is trying to do; I know that I can’t let myself get involved for the millionth time only to get nothing in return but heartache.

As you can see, there is never a dull moment, how can there be when you live in the greatest city in the world? I promise not to be gone for that long of time again but sometimes we need to take a break, collect our thoughts, recalibrate and get back out into the world and that is where I’ve been.

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