In our journey we like to call, “life”, we will create certain expectations that we hold upon ourselves and others. These certain expectations can lead to disappointment and if we are very lucky an expectation can lead us to happiness. Naturally, once our expectations are met, we will want more. We will “expect” the hard efforts that we put in will in return give us all that we’ve been “expecting.” However, at what point do we tell ourselves to stop “expecting” these great things in life to happen to us and accept what we are given?
I haven’t written the blog in three weeks mainly due to all that was going on in my life. Three weeks ago, my friends and I spent a long weekend in Fire Island, the weekend after that was my birthday weekend and this past weekend was a weekend that not only exceeded my expectations but made me accept all that I have been given in life this far.
After I returned back from Fire Island three weeks ago, I was not only physically exhausted but I was anticipating a very low key birthday weekend. I was turning a year that wasn’t very monumental and I had just spent several days with my very close friends that I felt like we had already exhausted my birthday celebrations. However, being the amazing people that they are, two Saturday’s ago, they threw me and my friend a birthday party on top of his rooftop that has an amazing view of the city. It was a great evening and while I expected to get home at a descent hour, that evening I didn’t get home till almost five a.m.
My office crush was all prepared to attend my birthday celebrations that weekend but unfortunately, his father got sick and he booked an emergency flight back to Seattle to spend the weekend with his father. Little did I know what was about to happen when I arrived at the office the following Monday. We ran into each other in the hallway at the office when he told me about his weekend with his father and I told him about my birthday celebrations. I could tell he wanted to tell me something else but all he could say was, “I don’t think your birthday is over yet.” I wasn’t sure what he meant but I continued on with my day. As the day progressed, I thought I might get flowers or a package was going to be delivered, that was the only thing I was expecting. Instead, I get called into an unscheduled meeting that afternoon and when I walked in there were all my coworkers that put together a birthday party for me. They decorated the entire conference room in pink (my favorite color). Pink cups, plates, forks and spoons. I walked in completely surprised and my office crush put a pink tiara on my head. I looked around and there were posters put up of all my favorite celebrities and I was completely touched. They sang to me and I noticed that people even baked for me and someone even bought me a cake from Magnolia Bakery.
What I also noticed was that there was six bottles of champagne. The six bottles I recognized weren’t exactly cheap and I asked someone who actually brought these because this seemed to me that it was out of budget for an office party. I was told that my office crush bought all six bottles and didn’t ask for any money in return. As the party began to slow down, it was just him and I for a few moments and I took that time to thank him for the bottles and for even attending. He went on to tell me that this party had been planned for weeks and he was involved every step of the way. He went on to also tell me that he had planned to take me to a Broadway show but wasn’t sure if I would like it. After we all cleaned up the conference room, he and I decided to go to Chelsea to our old familiar bar, The Tippler. As we sat at the bar with our favorite bartender we began to talk like we always do and I took that time to apologize for not attending his birthday back in July. We only stayed for two drinks and over those drinks we began to plan our weekend at his beach house in Long Island. The weekend we agreed upon would be this past weekend for the beach house would be empty and more relaxing.
After that night, for the following two weeks I “expected” him to cancel our beach trip. Even on the Friday before the Labor Day weekend, he and I went for lunch and during that lunch, I was waiting for the other shoe to drop…and it never did. When we came back to the office last Tuesday after the holiday weekend, I was, once again, expecting him to tell me that he had just been to the beach house with his friends and didn’t see the need to go back the following weekend. Instead, he told me how excited he was for the weekend ahead. I was relieved to a certain extent but also felt my negative side out-weighing my positive way of thinking. Last Thursday, we had met after work to finalize our list of things that we needed to get for the weekend and we hugged goodbye. We agreed that I would pick him up at the office the next morning around 11 because I had taken the day off.
I woke up on Friday morning more excited than I had anticipated. I got up, went to the gym came home, showered, finished up packing and I was doing my last minute packing, I got a text from him that said, “Ready when you are. I’m done with work!” I told him that I still needed another thirty to forty minutes and he was fine with that. I arrived at our office and told him to meet me downstairs, he arrived five minutes later and we were off. We still had another hour or so to kill before our train was leaving out of Penn Station so we took that time to run errands. We first picked up booze and as we were standing in line to pay, the cashier said to my office crush, “You two are going on your honeymoon or something?” We just laughed and didn’t correct the cashier. The next stop was his favorite fast food place, Taco Bell. He ordered a bunch of food and I stuck with two little tacos. After the booze, after the fast food our last stop was to Kmart. We needed a travel speaker for our music and that store was the only place I could think of that would have it. We found the speaker and we were all set with what we needed. As he was paying for the speaker, the cashier really made some rather funny suggestions. She said, “Oh this speaker lights up, I bet you two will have fun in the bedroom with this.” I couldn’t stop laughing and then my office crush also was laughing so hard. She apologized for being presumptuous and continued to say that she assumed since we were traveling together and looked like we got along so well. We took our purchase and left while still laughing.
We caught the 1:14 train on the Long Island Railroad with our stop being Riverhead. My office crush told me that it would a little over two hours to get to the house. I was fine with that, over the trip he said, “I’ve never really traveled with anyone as much as I have with you. It’s always an adventure.” I agreed with him and each time we have traveled together, it not only exceeded my expectations but it was always an adventure. We both opened our books and began reading on the train and then he tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Isn’t it funny how everywhere we go, people assume we are a couple?” I told him, “It is funny but it doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable?” All he could say with a grin was, “Nah.” And we went back to reading.
After almost two hours of riding on the train, we arrive to our stop on the train. The usual plan is to go from the train to a waiting taxi cab to then drive to the beach house. However, seeing that we always have adventures when we travel, this was no exception. My office crush wanted to pick up a few more things from the deli at the train station and as we were there, I dropped a can of soda and it exploded and went all over the place. The entire store was laughing at us and we began laughing so hard that I was crying. We get into a taxi that agreed to wait for us while we were shopping. In the taxi, usually the driver takes them directly to the house, however, this trip the driver decided to pick-up three other people along the way and was taking us all over town. Finally, we told the driver to stop picking-up other customers and take us directly to the beach house. All my office crush could say from the passenger seat was, “Something always happens when we hang out together.”
We turned onto this dirt road and drove for about a half mile and finally we arrived to this bluff that over looked the ocean. He showed me around the property before showing me what the true vision was. We got into our tiny little cottage that had a kitchen table, two mattresses, one nightstand and one bathroom. It was definitely a beach house that had been lived in. The other house that was on the property belonged to this man and wife, an older couple, that rented out the smaller house for the summer to make extra money.
My office crush and I walked over to the bigger house where he introduced me and then asked me to follow him to the outside. When we got outside, there was a little patch of grass that had a few chairs and a hammock that over looked the ocean. We were on this amazing bluff and down below was the beach. He could tell that I was itching to go down to the beach and so we changed our clothes and walked down to the ocean. What I realized after a few seconds was that there was no one on the beach. When I asked him why it was that we were the only ones on the beach, he said, “Because it’s private and it’s going to be just the two of us.” I smiled widely and we began walking along the beach, collecting seashells for me to bring back to the city and finally after an hour and a half of walking the beach, we decided to head back to the house.
We arrived back at the house at around 7 and we toasted to our trip. A couple of hours later we were invited by the older couple for dinner at their house. It was a nice gesture and a good thing since both of us forgot to buy groceries for the weekend. Over dinner, the husband looked at my office crush and said, “You’ve been coming out here for five years, bringing all different girlfriends and I find it funny that your very first private weekend and you bring a queen.” We all laughed so loudly and uncontrollably and even my office crush couldn’t do anything but laugh at the scenario. I helped the wife clean-up dinner once we were done while my office crush and the husband shared stories over glasses of scotch. Once we were done cleaning, the couple wanted to get some rest and we went back to our little house.
At our house, we turned up the music and began dancing around like teenagers and he finally just stopped and said, “I love everything there is about you.” After he said that, he gave me a big hug and kiss on my forehead. It was one of the nicest things I have had someone say to me in a really long time and while all my friends had expectations of us having sex, I was happy that someone outside of my friends and family would say that to me. I quickly did my best to change the mood and I grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge, grabbed him by the hand and we took a walk back to the bluff. At the bluff, we both were buzzed and I thought it would be a great idea for us both to get in the hammock. I got in first and then he did and there we swung in the hammock for about an hour. We laughed, we talked and then there were moments where it was silence and the only thing we heard was the ocean. After our hammock ride, we went back to the house and got ready for bed. There was only two single mattresses and so we put them somewhat together and right before we said goodnight to each other…he grabbed my hand and held it for most of the night.
The next morning we woke up and started our day. He realized that he was out of cigarettes and the only way to get back into town was to borrow the couple’s car. He went over to their house and asked about borrowing the car and they said yes. The only hitch was my office crush doesn’t have a driver’s license and I do. The couple already had taken a liking to me and asked me how my driving skills were. I told them that they weren’t too bad as long as I didn’t have to reverse or parallel park. We got in the car with me in the driver’s seat and my office crush in the passenger telling me which way to go in this small town. We were having so much fun driving around town, running errands and even stopping at a drive through for fast food. We came back to the house and while we were going to walk the beach one more time, we decided instead to grab our books and sit in rocking chairs watching the ocean. We did that for a few hours before retiring back to our house to play cards and listening to music. As the evening came around, we decided to skip dinner and just talk about everything we could think of. Then the rain came and it didn’t stop for the rest of the night. We, once again, danced around the house and confessed our love for each other. We fell asleep the exact same way we did the night before with him holding my hand.
Yesterday morning and we began to clean-up the house in preparation to head back to the city. We both told each other what a wonderful weekend we had. He heard my phone vibrating alot and he asked what all my friends were asking and finally I said, “They are asking if we have had sex yet.” He just smiled and said, “Tell them I’m a bad lay.” Again, we laughed and got ready to leave. The husband of the couple was kind enough to drive us back to the train station. Along the ride, I sat in the back and kept to myself before the husband said to me, “I had better see you next season. Something tells me that I will be seeing you next season and it will be amazing.” I thanked him for his hospitality and the ride to the station.
My office crush and I got on the train and both started reading our books and when we arrived at Penn Station, I thought we were going to go our separate ways and see each other today at work. Instead, he wanted to get something to eat before he went back to his apartment in Brooklyn. He told me to finish my book that I was almost done reading because he wanted to know how it ended. He sat there and ate, Taco Bell, once again, while I read my book as fast as I could. By the time he finished his meal, I still wasn’t done with my book. We hugged goodbye and I walked home while he took the subway.
I got home and I was exhausted but in the best possible way. I showered, unpacked and finished my book. After only two hours of saying goodbye, I noticed my phone ringing and my office crush was calling me. This was rather unexpected. I assumed that I accidentally packed something or he forgot something back at the beach house. I was wrong. He was calling to ask me how my book ended and also wanted to make sure I got home alright. We chatted for about ten minutes and then said goodbye.
The question that I was asked a few times before I left for this trip was, “What are you expecting to get out of this?” It isn’t an unfair question to ask. In fact, it’s a rather smart question to ask and a question that I’m still not sure how to answer. I can say that at times my expectations of this rather unique relationship have exceeded and there are times when I’m completely disappointed. That can also be said of all sorts of relationships not just this particular one. I guess that’s the thing about great expectations…when they are great they are amazing and when they are disappointing it can be heart wrenching.
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