Every Little Step
Metaphorically speaking, the steps we take in our lives are what will guide us to our goals. These goals can range anywhere from our careers to holy matrimony. And with these steps that we take, they can lead us down a path that is unforeseen and other times; it can leads us right where we need to be.
I chose not to write last week because there was a step in mine and my family’s lives that was somewhat unforeseen. We lost a family friend that was very important in our lives. She was my mother’s best friend for the past 32 years and it was and still is hard for us all to process. She was an amazing woman and will forever be loved and remembered.
Last Monday, my week started off with me receiving a text message from a girlfriend of mine that I’ve known well over ten years. She was panicking over the idea that the man she has been seeing wanted her to take the next step. That step being the step of being called his, “girlfriend”. After work, I met her for a few beers where I helped her realize that the title of “girlfriend” isn’t such a bad thing after all. It can actually be a great thing if you trust the person that wants to actually have you in their lives. It was a positive discussion and it made me feel so happy to see my friend beaming because she was moving to her next step in her life.
By Wednesday, the week was shaping up nicely. I had dates lined up for the week, parties to attend to over the weekend and everything seemed to be falling into place. However, before the dates, before the parties, I was having dinner that Wednesday evening with a good friend of mine at El Centro. Over margaritas and Mexican food, we updated each other on our lives. During our dinner, he told me all about his next steps that he was working on with his relationship. It seemed to me that everywhere around me, people were trying their best to take next steps to improve their lives, make them better or at the very least…give these steps a proper chance. I hugged my friend goodbye and on my walk home, I began to think that maybe these dates coming up might lead me into my next step.
At the office on Thursday, I was walking down the hallway and I was passing my office crush. As we passed each other, he whispered something to me but I couldn’t make out exactly what he said to me. I didn’t bother to turn around and ask what he said. It did make me think that it had been a little over three weeks since we had spoken a word to each other. It’s been rather hard and challenging to move forward when almost every single day, I’m forced to see him. Later on that day, I was, once again walking down the hallway when he finally said hi to me and asked me about my upcoming trip to Boston to see my girlfriend. I simply told him the weekend that I was going and kept on walking. It was hard to speak to him because of my feelings but also because our trip to Boston back in March, meant so much to both of us.
That night, I was going on a date with a guy I had gone on a few dates late last year. The reason why things tapered off last year were due to his job relocated him to Germany for a few months and now he was back in New York. He sent me a text message in the afternoon suggesting that we meet at 9:30 at a bar near my area of where I live. We both arrived at the same time and the first bar was rather loud and crowded, so we moved to the bar, Barrage. When we sat down at the bar, the first thing he said to me after not seeing each other for many months was, “I’m not drinking tonight.” There wasn’t even a “hello” or any real greeting. He ordered a diet coke and I ordered myself vodka with cranberry juice. If his first greeting toward me was any indication of how the night was going to go than I was going to need some booze to wash it down.
As the night progressed, I already knew that this date wasn’t going to last for more than two drinks. True to form, over the course of his two diet cokes and my two vodka’s; he managed to ramble on and on about his fitness regime. He asked me two questions of how my work was going and if I still lived in the area. Those were the only two questions he asked me the entire night. After our drinks, he suggested we take a walk since it was such a nice night. As we walked a few blocks and he continued with his fitness talk, my mind began to wonder and I quickly knew that this was not the date that was going to take me to my next step. In fact, the only place that this date was stepping to was to my apartment without him. We walked to the corner of my apartment and then his last words to me were, “I think I’m going to go home and hire my usual massage therapist. I like this guy because he gives me a happy ending at the end of the massage. I had a great time tonight…we should hang out again.” It was there that I said, “I don’t think we will be hanging out again but enjoy your massage.” I walked to my apartment building and actually laughed out loud at how ridiculous the past hour and a half had been.
By the time Friday had rolled around, I was more than ready for the weekend to commence. I left work early, ran errands, did the gym and even laundry all in preparation for my second date of the week. This date was also with a guy that I had already been on several dates with. In fact, it was just a week or so that we had last seen each other. On our last date, he confessed to me that he suffers from A.D.D. and I told him on that date that I had no concerns about that. So, we agreed to another date this past Friday evening. We actually met at the same bar as Thursday’s date, Barrage.
The date started off as it normally has in the past. We update each other and after three drinks, he finally loosens up and I get to see the real person, which isn’t a bad thing but I just hate that it takes several drinks for him to get comfortable with me. Over the course of a few hours, we are having a pretty decent time and I’m waiting for him to make the slightest move but he doesn’t. In fact, I suggested that we actually call it a night because it was getting late and I could tell that he was going to have a hard time getting home.
Just like our last date, as I walked him toward his subway station, he had to take breaks because it was hard for him to focus. So, what should’ve been a five minute walk to the subway was turning into almost a half hour. He would ask if we could stop, he would drop his bag on the sidewalk and just rest on a building. Finally, we reached his subway stop and I made sure that he got on the proper train. It was apparent that I was not taking the next step with this date either.
Saturday was another gorgeous day in the city and I took full advantage of it with shopping, the gym and when I got out of the gym there was a text message from my office crush. It was a nice message and he also mentioned a place that I should try and visit when I go to Boston. This text message started a pleasant banter between the two of us with his last message to me saying, “Can I see you tomorrow?” I hesitated on my response and then I replied with, “Yes.” With one text message, he was back and I wasn’t sure what we were going to do or what we were going to say to each other. I decided to not think about it and I also decided not to tell anyone because this was my step that I actually wanted to take.
That evening, I went to my friends’ apartment where he was hosting a birthday party for his mother that was visiting from Arizona. There we sipped on champagne, ate authentic Mexican food and danced in his living room. After a few hours there, a friend of mine asked me to come and see him down in Chelsea at the bar, Barracuda. I brought a good friend of mine with me from the birthday party and there we had a beer at the bar. During that time at Barracuda, my friend that asked me to come and see him wanted me to go dancing with him at this club. I wasn’t dressed for a club nor did I have the energy to go but somehow; I was convinced to go and next thing I knew, I was dancing till 3 a.m.
Yesterday, I woke up and I was tired and I just transferred myself from my bed to my couch. I know I needed to get motivated because I had no idea what time my office crush was going to want to meet. There was also a chance that he could cancel but around 1 o’clock, he sent a message asking me what I was doing. After a few messages, he finally suggested we meet at one of his favorite bars in the East Village, Professor Thom’s. He loves this bar because it’s dedicated to all things that are Boston.
We met at 6:15 and there we began talking and after almost a month of not speaking, we picked up right where we left off. We talked about work, our families, I even told him about my tea leaf reading that I had a few weeks ago. At one point during the evening he said, “Does this mean you will no longer ignore me at the office?” I wasn’t sure of my answer but I knew that I certainly don’t like ignoring him at the office. I shrugged my answer and moved onto a different topic. The bartender liked us so much because all we were doing was laughing and making fun of each other that he gave us a free round on the house.
My office crush confessed to me that he went to Boston a few weeks ago for work and while he was there, he went to a few places that he showed me when we went back in March and it wasn’t the same for him. I could tell that he was really sad to hear about my upcoming trip to Boston and he even said that if I asked him to go with me that he would. Of course, I want him there and I know it would be so much fun but I just wasn’t sure if it would be such a good idea. After we settled our bill at the bar, he said he wanted to walk around the city for a bit.
As we walked from the East Village toward the west side, he mentioned something about seeing a movie. The movie times didn’t work out and so he said, “Well, can I take you to the movies this week?” I only have one free night this week and so I told him that I would like go to the movies. As we continued to walk to the west side, I realized that we were walking away from his subway station where he needed to catch his train to go home. When I mentioned it to him, he didn’t seem to care and said, “It’s alright Sunshine, I will walk you to your subway.” We hugged goodbye and on the subway ride, I realized that I was smiling again. I hadn’t really smiled in a few weeks and there I was smiling again because of the step I took.
The steps we take in life might not always be the best ones for us. There are times when the steps we take will lead to heartbreak and disappointment. Then there are the steps that lead us to happiness and fulfillment. Each of our steps matter whether they are little ones or big ones that is why it’s so important to have your loved ones by your side to make the steps we take a little bit easier.
- Posted in: Uncategorized