Easier to Say-Harder to Do
They say that for every action that there is a reaction. Every single thing that we say or do sets the wheels into motion of how our lives will turn out. What they failed to say is how hard it will be when everywhere you go people from all around are giving advice on how you should live your life. This advice usually comes from a place of love and concern and while the advice will continue to pour in, I can’t help but think how much easier it is to say and how much harder it is to do.
Last week started off with a big change for my work environment. Our offices were moving from the Chelsea Market over to Midtown East. It would be a huge adjustment from commuting to figuring out where to eat for lunch. I woke up that morning feeling a little “off”. I wasn’t sure if I had the flu or just flu-like symptoms. I decided to not call out sick and push forward with going to work. The first day in the new office and I didn’t want to miss out on any of the festivities.
As the work day progressed everyone was reacting to the new space like it was the first day of school. I was still laying low with doing work and not pushing myself too hard because I still felt like I was coming down with something. Finally, around noon, I felt it coming. I was going to throw-up. I rushed over to the bathroom and proceeded to get sick. As I was throwing-up; I was also crying at the same time (I can’t help but throw-up and cry at the same time) someone on the other side of the bathroom stall asked if I was ok. In my crying voice, I said that I was fine even though I had no idea who this person was on the other side of the door.
When I returned to my desk, a coworker had gotten me crackers and ginger ale. It was a sweet gesture and I sat at my desk for the rest of the day eating crackers and trying not to get sick again.
After work, our offices were hosting a, “welcome to the neighborhood” party at the bar, Galway Hooker. I was chatting with other coworkers when, of course, my office crush found me and we began chatting about our new office, etc. After about an hour of talking, I realized that I was going to get sick again at the bar. I rushed to the bathroom and got sick again. When I came back, my office crush had ordered me water and I finally had to accept the fact that I must have a stomach bug and he walked me to the street and I got a cab home.
The next day, I woke up feeling great and it must’ve been something I had eaten. During the work day, my office crush sent me a message asking me to lunch. We walked over to this amazing Korean restaurant and had lunch. It was really nice just talking and I felt more relaxed than I had ever been. We weren’t arguing, we weren’t pushing each other’s buttons and for the first time in a long time; we were just communicating on a mature level.
At the end of the work day, I went over to my friends’, Feather’s apartment where I had dinner in his backyard with him and his husband. Over dinner, they naturally asked about my status with my office crush. As I sat there, they both began to give me their opinions on how I should handle the situation. Both opinions were extremely opposite of each other and after going round and round with it, I finally had to tell them what I honestly thought. That thought being that neither one of them have any idea what it’s like to be out in the dating world anymore. They both have been together for over a decade now and things have changed dramatically. It was hard for them to understand that while I value their opinions, it’s much easier to tell someone what to do rather than simply be supportive of whatever the outcome might be. That outcome being me getting hurt or me ending up happy.
As the evening proceeded to wind down, I could tell that Feathers wasn’t ready for the night to end. We said goodbye to his husband and we both went over to the bar, Stonewall, where we ended up meeting five young ladies from Ireland that were visiting New York. We chatted with them for a couple of hours before I realized it was almost 2 a.m. on a Tuesday night and I haven’t had one of those late nights on a school night in a very long time. I hugged Feathers goodbye and ended up taking the Irish girls on the subway so that they could get back to their hostels where they were staying in Harlem.
On Wednesday, the week was already shaping up to be a rather nice one, minus the throwing up at work episode; everything was falling into place. Work was going amazing and I was getting along with my office crush and there was no drama insight.
Later on that day, my office crush and I had plans to hangout after work. We weren’t sure what to do but we both wanted to hangout. As always, we ended up having a few drinks at a local bar near our new office. We chatted about our usual topics and during that time we laughed about everything and anything and I was having so much fun. We only stayed for a couple of hours before we both needed to go home for we both didn’t want to suffer from a hangover the next day. It was my third day in a row hanging out with him and it was third day in a row that I was finding myself falling for him even more than I already had. Letting him go was something that I know is not going to be easy thing for me to do. Even though I know it’s the right thing for my heart.
The thing that is always easy for me to do is be with my friends which is exactly what I did on Thursday. Before I was meeting my friend at this new bar called, Wolftones, I ran into my office crush outside the office. He had plans with his friends and I had plans with mine but he suggested we go for one drink before we had to go our separate ways. He ended up paying the bill and I thanked him profusely before parting our ways.
I met up with my girlfriend at this new bar that she wanted to test out. As we sat at this Irish pub, we noticed that the bar owner kept coming over and talking to me. I should mention that this man is well over 60 years old and has the thickest Irish accent I had ever heard. So, it was really hard for me to comprehend what he was asking me. Finally, it was very clear what he was wanting from me when he handed me his business card with his cell phone number on it. He asked me if he could take me out to dinner and I had to politely decline. After that, we settled the bill and I walked my friend to Penn Station where she needed to take her train home.
Friday marked the beginning of the major Pride weekend in the city. As I was leaving work, my office crush, once again found me outside our office. He suggested we go have lunch before we left for our weekends. We had lunch and at the end, he offered to pay again. It was nice gesture and it was the perfect way to start the weekend. After we said our goodbyes, I went home to begin getting ready for the evening.
That evening, I went over to my friend’s apartment in Williamsburg where he was hosting a pre-game party at his place before we all went dancing at, Output. We got to the club at around 11:30 and there was a line wrapped around the block. Never one to ever stand in line, we managed to get up to the middle of the line and quickly got in and began dancing. We ended up dancing until 4:30 a.m. and I hadn’t been out that late in a very long time. It was great seeing everyone and having a million different conversations but once I got home at 5 a.m. I knew that my Saturday was going to be shot.
Saturday and my entire cast of friends that went out the previous night was not leaving their apartments. Everyone was dead to the world and it was a true sign that we all had a good evening.
During that evening, my office crush was sending me photos of the wedding that he was at and sending fun messages. After awhile, I told him to have fun with his evening so I could focus on my recovery.
Yesterday was Pride and the city was alive. I met up with my friends to watch a little bit of the parade before we hopped all over the city before finally ending around 10:30. It was really amazing seeing everyone celebrate for all different reasons but the main reason being love.
It’s very easy to be able to tell someone or even yourself what to do next in this life. What’s a little harder is making sure that the things we say and do comes from a place of love.
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