"Update" NYC


We all have limits, boundaries and standards that we create for ourselves in order for us not to become hurt or fall into any type of danger. Each of our limits differs from one person to another. Some people are risk takers while others feel best when they play it safe. Then there are times when we step outside of our comfort zone and that is usually when the real shift in our lives begins to happen. At what point do we let our limits go and become limitless?

My week began with me wanting desperately to be on a detox from my intense weekend prior with my office crush. After spending three nights in a row with him after his break-up with his girlfriend, I found my feelings and my liver starting to hit their limit. However, I had a date after work scheduled and I knew I couldn’t cancel. I also knew that I shouldn’t cancel any date for I know that I still need to be out in the dating world; despite not knowing what will happen with my office crush.

I met this date on OKCupid and we had been having a rather nice text message banter for the past week and I admit that I was actually looking forward to meeting him. I picked my favorite wine bar, Lela Bar in the West Village because it was close for both of us from where we worked.

We both arrived at the same time, 6:30. I was relieved to see that he looked even better in person versus his pictures. We both ordered white wine and began the date. It was your typical first date “getting to know you” questions. I found myself having a nice time. Was it the best date? No. But it certainly wasn’t the worse either. However, by the second glass of wine, I could tell that something shifted in my date. I wasn’t sure if he had had his limit with me or that he wasn’t into the date anymore. I say this because half way through his second glass of wine he says, “Ok. Well, I’m going to go. I have to go home to watch VEEP.” I didn’t even know what that was and I replied with, “Are you sure? What is VEEP?” He told me it’s his favorite show and he really wants to go home and watch it. He gave me a ten dollar bill and left me sitting at the bar by myself. First of all, he didn’t leave me enough money to cover his two glasses of wine. Second of all, I just took his wine and poured it into my glass and finished my second glass of white wine. As I sat there, I did my best not to become upset at his quick departure and chalked it up to someone not having proper manners and we all have our limits when it comes to first dates.

When I got off the subway to my apartment, I got a text message from him that said he doesn’t think there is a romantic connection. I responded with, “Enjoy VEEP.”

The next day, I was grateful that I was going to be having dinner with one of my dearest friends that was visiting the city for a work function. We only get to see each other a few times a year but when we do see each other, we pick-up exactly where we left off.

We had dinner at Anejo in Hell’s Kitchen and over several margaritas and food; I told her everything there is about my office crush. She was floored and also excited about the potential that might happen. After several hours of talking and drinking; we had hit our limit and were officially drunk. I walked her back to her hotel and came home and passed out.

By the time Wednesday had rolled around, I discovered that the week was flying by rather quickly. After work, I met my office crush at our usual bar, The Tippler, where we had a few drinks before he had to go back to work and I had to meet another friend that was visiting the city. Over our drinks, he asked me if I could do some clothes shopping for him since he was getting tired of me making fun of his clothes. Since I love to shop, I pounced at the invitation. I told him that I would play it safe and just shop at The Gap, since he isn’t too fond of dressing too loud. We hugged goodbye and he went back to the office and I went to meet my friend at, Bar Bacon, for dinner and drinks. Well, he ate and I just drank. We did a few more bars before I called it an early night for I had an early meeting the next morning.

On my lunch hour on Thursday, I went to the Gap and did some shopping for my office crush and it sure is fun shopping on someone else’s dime. I brought the clothes back to the office but kept them with me. I didn’t want any coworkers seeing me with the bag, and then giving it to him and people suspecting anything. I told him that he could meet me and a few friends of mine at Gym Bar, for I was doing happy hour there after work. He agreed and said he would be showing up a little later for he had a work function that he had to show his face for before meeting me.

Later on that evening, I was with friends of mine that he hadn’t met. He had met one of them from two weekends ago but he was meeting new friends of mine and I was curious to see how he would be in a gay bar, with me and my friends. He showed up and I was in the bathroom at the time that he walked in. When I walked out of the bathroom, he was there already talking to my friends. He gave me a big hug and thanked me again for shopping for him. He met everyone and he stayed for a couple of drinks before he had to back to the office to get his computer because he had a huge presentation the next day in New Jersey.

After he left, I was in suspense waiting to hear what my friends thought of him. They all liked him a lot and said that they can’t figure out what his story is but that it was obvious that he is into me. I didn’t want to push the topic any further and we all agreed to get dinner at Don Giovani’s. Over bowls of pasta, pizza and wine; I was hitting my limit with all that fattening food and hailed a cab home to sleep off my evening.

I was looking forward to the weekend because it was filled with exciting things. I had a fourth date with a guy that evening that had me on the fence about whether or not I should even pursue it. He travels a great deal for work sometimes two or three weeks at a time which leaves dating someone rather frustrating. I decided to keep the date and he confirmed that he was looking forward to seeing me again during the afternoon.

My office crush during the day was having a difficult time because he was supposed to be going to Montreal for his friend’s (the friend of his that I met a few weekends ago) bachelor party and he discovered that he bought his ticket for the wrong weekend. So, he had to buy another ticket to get there that night. The flight was leaving out of Newark and he was also stressed with work. In our office, he and I have no need to ever communicate or visit each other’s desk. So, when he came to my desk several times that day, I could tell that coworkers were looking at us both with wandering eyes. When he came to my desk for the third time that day, I told him, “Go back to your desk and I will help you get to the damn airport.”

He sent me a frantic text message that said he needs to leave the office at 4:15 because he fears he will miss his flight. I told him not to panic and that I would get him to Penn Station where he could take the train that would take him directly to his terminal for the flight. We both left together and he thanked me a million times for taking care of him. I showed him where to buy his ticket for the train, showed him where to go and said, “I don’t ask for much. But just let me know that you got back safely from the trip. Have fun and don’t sit down on any chairs while you are at the strip bars.” He gave me a hug and said he will let me know when he returns that Sunday.

While I was with him at Penn Station, I received a text message from my date that read, “Can I call you in a bit?” That is NEVER good news when someone wants to call you hours before a date. I told him he can call me at anytime. As I was walking home from Penn Station, my date called and asked if we can move our date to Saturday and we can do a brunch. He knew that I had a wedding that Saturday evening and I told him that a brunch could work but it would need to be at 1 p.m. because I would need time to get ready. He apologized for changing the time around and therefore, I was left to meet up with a friend of mine that evening.

I met my friend at Barrage that evening for drinks and catching up before we went to a few more bars and called it any early night.

Saturday, I woke up feeling great. I went to the gym and quickly got ready for my brunch date. He was already waiting for me at, Annabel’s and we had a nice time. We both had delicious meals followed by a few drinks each. It was still on the early side when we finished our brunch and he suggested we go to Flaming Saddles for a few beers before I needed to leave for the wedding.

While at Flaming Saddles, we both were getting tipsy and the flirtation was there but I was working overtime on getting him to break out of his shell. I finally said, “Are you ever going to kiss me?” He laughed and leaned in and when we kissed…there were no flames at the Flaming Saddle. I didn’t even bother to want to kiss him again. I still managed to have a descent time and then I asked him what time it was and he said, “Oh, its 4:45.” My wedding started at 6:30 and I quickly left him at the bar and ran home to get ready. A quick shower to sober up and freshen up and I threw the suit on and rushed to pick my friend up along the way before heading to the Skylark Hotel which was where the wedding was taking place.

The wedding was stunning. We started on the rooftop of the hotel and there we were greeted with delicious cocktails and amazing appetizers. We greeted the grooms and began to catch-up with everyone. Everyone looked handsome and beautiful and I could honestly say, everyone was having a wonderful time. Once the vows were exchanged, we all began to dance, drink and eat more. I lost track of time and have no idea when the wedding winded down but I do know that some of us ended up going to the Eagle in our suits. I was so drunk that I left after one beer without saying goodbye. I grabbed a cab and that was the last thing I remember before passing out.

Yesterday, I woke up feeling oddly alright given the previous night. I met a girlfriend of mine at Gym bar for beers and laughter. We sat at the bar and laughed for several hours before I walked her home and continued my walk back home. It was a gorgeous day and it felt good to be able to walk the city without a coat or boots on. When I got home, I was relaxing on the couch watching television when I got a message from my office crush telling me that he is back in the city. I told him that I couldn’t wait to hear about all the debauchery that occurred at the bachelor party. The next thing I knew, he was calling me to talk.

We talked on the phone for not one but two hours about our weekends, about our summer plans and everything else under the sun. I hadn’t talked on the phone that long with someone in years. Finally, around 11 p.m. I told him that I hit my limit with talking on the phone and that I needed to get some rest. He thanked me for always being there for him. It was a nice way to end a fun weekend.

Our limits are what keep us grounded. They keep us from getting hurt and keep us protected. However, without ever getting hurt, without stepping outside of what makes us feel safe; are we ever going to grow? We need to fall down in order to pick ourselves back up again. We need to know that our lives are filled with unlimited possibilities and that maybe our limits are what keep us from changing our negative experiences into positive ones.

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