There will be a million moments in our lives from birth till our death; where we will experience certain moments that define the people that we are or will become. Moments like, graduation, weddings, first jobs, children, divorce, sex and even love. Everyone is different and will react differently to the moments that define them. Some will embrace while others will run away. There is no right or wrong reaction to our defining moments but what matters most is learning how to be in the moment when they happen rather than dwelling on the past or what the unknown future holds.
I chose not to write last week because I wasn’t in the right state of mind. Two Friday’s ago, my office crush and I had started to reconnect after not communicating for awhile. I was doing my best to avoid him and not deal with the drama that came with hanging out with him. Drama with his girlfriend that he no longer wanted to be with or the drama with the undefined relationship that we have with each other. Then on those two Friday’s ago, we passed each other at the office and he asked where I had been and why I had been so silent. I told him that I had been busy with other things but he said he wanted to hangout again soon. I was put on the spot and I blurted out that we should potentially hangout that Sunday since it was going to be so gorgeous outside. He said that date could work and he’d let me know. I left the office and a few minutes later I got a text from him that said, “I’m glad we are talking again. Everytime I think of you…I have happy thoughts.” It was a nice message to receive and a nice way to start the weekend.
By that Sunday, I still hadn’t heard from him nor was I going to reach out to him. I was annoyed that he couldn’t even text me to say what the plans were or if he needed to cancel. I never heard from him the entire weekend and so when Monday came around; he had no clue how pissed off I actually was. In fact, I didn’t even know how pissed off I was until that Monday when I was conducting a meeting and he walked passed me to smile and I gave him a rather dirty look. He wasn’t expecting that nor was I planning on seeing him that day. When I got back to my desk; there was a text message from him that asked me if I really meant that dirty look and that he had an emotional Sunday. I chose not to respond quickly because I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say. I responded with telling him that I was sorry that he had a rough Sunday. It was a curt message and he knew that he had fucked up. We exchanged a few messages with him apologizing to me for disappointing me and for upsetting me and how he hates when we are this way toward each other. I didn’t respond for the next two days because I didn’t want to hear his excuses any longer and I really needed some space.
This brings us to last Thursday when I didn’t have any set plans right away after work and we ran into each other again at the office and he looked pretty deflated. I suggested that we meet after work to quickly talk things out. I had my game face on and was fully prepared to tell him that we should ease up on our friendship and just be two people that work in the same office together.
We met at our bar, The Tippler, and it was rather awkward at first. We talked about work, the summer and then just as I was about to go into how I wanted to define our friendship; we got on the topic of his girlfriend. He tried to say that nothing has changed with their relationship and how he still doesn’t want to be with her. It was at that moment that I lost my temper. I told him, “I no longer want to hear about her or the relationship. I find you to be a coward and a man that doesn’t impress me with your lack of ability to follow through with your words. It angers me and disappoints me that you can’t be a man and just end it with someone that you don’t want to be with. Stop wasting everyone’s time.” He looked at me like I had just kicked him in the stomach. He asked if we could go outside to get some air and as we stood on the sidewalk, he said to me, “I hate that I disappoint you. It makes me feel awful and you are right. I am a coward and that is the last thing that I want to be.” I told him that I was sorry for being so harsh with my words but I only want the best for him. He said that he needed to get back to work and so, he hugged me and as he was hugging me he said, “I love you and appreciate you.” I walked away hoping that maybe I influenced him to want to be a better person and for his situation.
As I was starting to fall asleep that night, I heard my phone alert me that I received a text message and it was from him. It read, “Well…I did it.” I wasn’t sure what he meant by it and then he told me that he broke up with his girlfriend a few minutes prior to texting me. He sent me a screen shot of her response after they spoke on the phone and she was livid with him. Rightfully so, because she was supposed to move in with him in three weeks when her lease was up. The timing wasn’t the best regarding a move in date but the timing was right in regards to them no longer needing to be together. I told him how proud I was of him and that I know it’s going to be a tough time for a little bit but that I was there for him as a friend. His last response to me was, “I love you forever.” My response back to him was, “Shut up.”
The next day, I woke up thinking that maybe what he did by breaking up with her was all a dream. Or that he would revert back to not standing by his actions and end up back together with her. Turns out, the girlfriend went from being sad to mad in a matter of an evening. She gave him hell all during the day and we chatted throughout the day and how to handle the situation. I told him that he needs to focus on his job because that is more important during the day and we will figure out his relationship stuff later on. After work, we both attended a going away party for a coworker that was leaving our agency over at the Gaslight bar.
While we were there, the party was a rather sad one because this coworker that was leaving only managed to bring in six people. So, we did our best to make the most of it and as we began to drink with our coworkers, someone asked us what our relationship was. We started laughing and played it off but did bring up the infamous Boston trip we did a few months ago. Everyone was laughing at how crazy the story was and then someone suggested we get on a bus to Boston and have another weekend like we had experienced. Being the spontaneous people that he and I are; we left the bar and began to toy with the idea of going to Boston. When we looked up the next bus; we realized that it would be so late and not worth the expense. So, now we were contemplating on what to do next for the evening. That is when my office crush suggested we go back to Brooklyn and he would introduce me to his local bars. I agreed and went along for the ride back to the place that I told myself that I should never go back to.
Once we arrived in Brooklyn, we stopped off at his apartment so I could leave my bag there. We walked over to this bar called, Lucky Dog, and there we sat in the backyard of the bar and talked for about an hour or so. He said amazing things to me about how he views me and it made me feel even more comfortable with him. After about an hour or so of being at the bar, he suggested we go back to his apartment to talk some more. Once we arrived there, we realized just how tired we both were and agreed to go to bed. That night, we held each other tighter and longer than we ever had before.
The next morning, we both woke up on the early side and before we started our day; we just stayed in bed and I read my book to him while he read me articles from his phone. I knew he had to go back into the city to go to our office to do some work and I agreed to meet some friends of mine at the Metropolitan Museum of Art to check out a new exhibit. Before we left for the city; he suggested we grab brunch and we did and while we were there we were coming up with our plans for the evening. He was thinking that he needed a “boy’s night” and was trying to rally up his straight guy friends to watch a boxing match at some dive bar. He asked me what my plans were and I told him that I just had the museum and that it would probably turn into a late night if I was still with my friends. He then said, “I guess it’s time I meet some of your other friends.” So, we agreed that after he was done with work that he would contact me and we all would meet up so everyone can be introduced to each other.
After the exhibit, my friends and I went to a restaurant on Park Avenue South called, Barbounia. While we were there waiting for him to arrive; I was getting nervous and my friends could tell. I was nervous for all sorts of reasons. Would this meeting define what was really going on between us? What are my friends going to think of him? He finally arrived and immediately took to my friends rather well. In fact, they also took to him right away. I was amazed at how easy this entire interaction was going. My friends can be a tough sell and he was selling it. During our early dinner, I asked him what his plans were regarding his “boy’s night”. He told me that only one of his guy friends was able to come out. He suggested that we go to this dive bar that would be playing the boxing match and there we could determine what our next move was going to be. So, there you have it. Me, my office crush, three of my friends all heading to a straight bar in the East Village called, Professor Tom.
When we arrived at the bar, we were barely into our first round of drinks and then his good friend showed up. By the time we finished our third round of drinks; everyone was getting along amazingly. When we realized that the bar was not going to play the boxing match; everyone but me lives in Brooklyn and once again; I found myself in a cab heading back to his apartment.
We lost two of my friends due to them having something to do the next day. So, it was down to me, my office crush, one of my best friends and my office crushes good friend. As we all were figuring out what bar to hit up, my office crushes friend came up to me and said, “I’m so glad he broke up with his girlfriend. No one liked her. Also, I’ve heard about you and I’m glad you are in his life. My wife and I think he’s gay.” I didn’t know what to say other than thanking him for being so kind to me and my friend. He wanted to talk more about what was going on between my office crush and I but I didn’t want to continue the conversation with him being in ear shot of us. It seemed like everyone around us wanted us to be “defined” but neither one of us knew how to define it.
So, we went to a bar called, Midway, and while we were there; it wasn’t long before I noticed my office crush talking to a young woman. I wasn’t mentally prepared at all for this to happen. My office crushes friend asked me, “Hey, are you jealous?” And I didn’t know how to answer but I knew that he knew what I was feeling. I was jealous and not pleased at all. I firmly expressed to my office crush that I wasn’t too happy with him hanging out with this annoying woman and offered up me going back to the city so he could be with her. He told me not to leave and that he would somehow get rid of her. It took an hour or so for him to realize that she needed to leave our party and when she finally did; me, my office crush, his friend and my friend all went back to his apartment to continue on till about 4 a.m. When everyone went home, we were in bed and he thanked me for keeping him sane.
Yesterday morning, we both wake up feeling not our best but I knew he had to do some work in the city and I needed to see my apartment which I hadn’t seen in days. As we kept contemplating on who should get ready first, I finally got up and showered and then he did. We started walking to a cute little place near his apartment that has a backyard that you can sit, drink and enjoy the weather; which is exactly what we did.
Turns out, we needed to sit back there and talk. We shared some rather deep things about ourselves and it was there that we learned some things about each other that defined who we are today. It was our most intimate discussion we’ve had since our friendship has begun. We talked for hours and finally I said, “I don’t want you to go to work. “ And he said, “I won’t. Let’s get brunch.” We had brunch and after brunch he wanted to take a nap which is also what did for a couple of hours. After the nap, we knew we had to call our mothers for Mother’s Day. We both called our mother’s and ended up back at this cute place that had a swing where we sat down and swung for an hour before both realizing that we needed to finally end this weekend. I went back to his place to grab my stuff and he walked with me to get a cab.
As I left his place and crossed over the Williamsburg Bridge; I realized that our relationship has gone to the next level. It is still undefinable but we certainly grew closer with each other. He met some of my friends, I met some of his, we shared an awful lot with each other and I think we both are thankful for our friendship.
There will be defining moments in our lives that are indescribable. There will be defining moments where we instantly recognize that our lives will forever be changed. There will be defining moments where we have no idea where they will take us. In the end, our defining moments is what shapes us to hopefully be a better version of ourselves.
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