"Update" NYC

Lost and Found

It’s been awhile since I’ve written the UpDateNYC and every single time I sat down to write since last December. I stopped. Every Sunday, which is usually when I begin to write the first draft for Monday’s UpdateNYC, something would happen to my ability to write. I didn’t have writer’s block but I was lost and I was doing everything in my power to find myself again. I know that for most, that after the holiday’s we’re all running around trying to begin our year with a clean slate. We join the gym, we begin looking for a new career, if we are single, we dust off our online dating profiles and make them seem fresh again. Then somehow, someway, by mid-January when nothing has changed; we become deflated. At least that is how I was feeling. I was lost and needed to find myself again.

After the holidays, I came back to the city to the same apartment, the same job and I knew that the only way to change things was to do it myself. So, I tried a different workout routine, changed up the hairdo, and swore to myself that I wouldn’t go on any dates with any repeats from last year.  Turns out that by the third week in January, I had landed my first date of the New Year and I was dating outside of my box. I was going on a date with a man from Bulgaria. He lived in Chelsea and wanted us to meet at a wine bar near his apartment since he was working late that evening. We agreed to meet at 9 p.m. and when he walked in the door, I knew who he was immediately. He stood tall at 6’3, crazy messy hair and when he got closer, I noticed he had one lazy eye. All I could think to myself was that I needed to do this for myself to get back out there and start a new chapter in my life.

As we sat there, it was apparent that he had come to this wine bar often. The bartender knew exactly what bottle he wanted, what food to order and I went along for the ride. My date’s accent was very thick and I could barely understand some of things he was telling me. However, the thing I felt most guilty about was that I was more focused on his lazy eye rather than what he was telling me. After the first bottle of wine, he insisted we order another bottle. By the time we finished the second bottle, I was on the drunken side of things. He insisted on paying the bill and when I saw the bill, it was a total of, $13.00!!! Either he was an excellent customer or the waiter made a huge mistake. I knew that I wasn’t attracted to my date but as we walked outside in the frigid cold, he asked me a question that I have never heard of in all my dating years. He looked at me and asked, “Would you like to see my castle?” I had no idea what the hell this man was talking about and his thick accent wasn’t helping the matter. I asked him to repeat his question and sure enough…that is exactly what he asked me. I admit I was intrigued to see a castle in Manhattan.

As we walked from the wine bar to this “castle” I tried to get my brain to focus on what street we were even walking toward. Suffice to say, we arrived at an apartment building that was NOT a castle. I asked him why he kept referring to his apartment as a castle and he looked at me with a serious look and said, “Because I am the king, now let’s go inside.” We went inside apartment number, 1A, and when I walked inside, it was the tiniest “castle” I had ever been into. He sat me down on his couch and said, “I want you to stay the night but we won’t have sex until the morning when I am rested.” I told him that I won’t be staying the night and that I should be leaving. He insisted that I watch these Bulgarian music videos on Youtube while he went to the restroom. As I sat there watching these insane videos, all I could look at where my shoes were that he asked me to take off. When he got out of the bathroom he said, “We have no running water.” That was my last straw and I got up off of his couch and said that I really needed to leave. He walked past me and laid on his couch flat on his back and said, “Lay on top of me now.” I was already putting on my shoes and trying to get the hell out of that “castle.” He looked startled that I would even want to leave but as I was putting my coat on, he got upset and asked me to leave the “castle” and I did. Thankfully, I had friends that were at a bar only ten minutes away and there, we had an excellent laugh at my expense and proceeded to get drunk.

By the end of January I was more lost than I had ever thought I was going to be. I was extremely busy with work and not in the good way. I couldn’t write and that last date left the worse taste in my mouth and also how I viewed castles. So, when the beginning of February presented itself, I knew that I couldn’t go another month of reliving another January. Therefore, I took matters into my own hands and took my own advice. I logged onto OKCupid, dusted off my profile and decided to see what was out there. Turns out, it was pretty much the same people that were on there the last time I was on. But I did see a new profile and was surprised when he began messaging me. In a few hours of exchanging messages on the site, we moved to texting. Texting then led to him asking me out for wine last Thursday.

When he first asked me out, he suggested that we meet at G Bar. A bar that has been over for several years now and I was worried that this might not work out after all. Still, I wasn’t going to be too shallow and cancel because of a lousy bar suggestion. Last Thursday rolled around and he contacted me that day to confirm but suggested that we change locations because he felt crazy for even suggesting that bar. He told me that we should meet at, The Park, for wine. I was relieved and now, I was also looking forward to meeting him.

We agreed to meet at 7 p.m. and naturally, he was already waiting for me when I arrived a few minutes late. He looked like his photos and immediately asked me what I wanted to drink. Right off the bat, I recognized his manners, which is a huge turn-on for me. We sat down at the end of the bar, he had his white wine and I had my red. Over several glasses of wine, we discovered that we both work in the same industry; we know a few of the same people and there was one thing that we didn’t have in common…he’s in the middle of finalizing a divorce from his husband. He went into his story and I told him that it wasn’t necessary to go into the full details because we just met and as long as they were separated, no longer living together and it was a matter of paperwork…than I was fine. We continued our date and before we knew it, it was almost 10 p.m. I was having a wonderful time and as we were finishing up on settling the bill; he insisted that he pay. I was touched and thanked him profusely. As we were putting our coats on, he suggested we go out to dinner. I wanted to but felt like I didn’t want to stay too long at the fair and would rather have it end on a high note; which it did when he leaned in and kissed me. Outside, it was one of the coldest nights we’ve had in the city and he was able to hail me a cab that took me home. We did the sweet text messages that evening before I fell asleep. Was I finding myself all because of a great first date? No. However, I certainly was starting to feel better about the new month.

The following Saturday afternoon, I was invited to a friend of mine’s gorgeous apartment in the West Village for a tequila and taco party. It’s one of those New York City apartments that is so big that it makes your own apartment feel like a tuna can. However, the host was amazing; the margaritas were delicious and everyone that was there was having a wonderful time. I made a conscious effort to only have two drinks because later that afternoon, the guy I had an amazing date with was going to take me dancing. During our first date, he had mentioned this club in Brooklyn that once a month plays only 80’s and 90’s music. How could I resist? Plus, it was the first time in my dating career that a man asked me to go dancing. I accepted his invitation in a New York minute. I should also mention, that I was apartment sitting for a friend of mine in Chelsea last weekend and that I had a place to myself for my date to come over and have a pre-drink before we went to Brooklyn to dance.

He showed up right on time at 8:15 and entered with a bottle of Kettle One Vodka, club soda and two limes. He made the drinks and I provided the glasses. We sat and talked about our day and got to know more about each other. I was nervous that all he wanted to do was to try and have sex but to my surprise he said that while I was adorable that he really wanted to take things slow with me. I was happy to hear this because I was in no mood to be anyone’s rebound. We continued our cocktails and then it was time to head over to Brooklyn. We got an Uber car and it took us to a part of Brooklyn that I wasn’t too familiar with. It was a giant warehouse and a line of people that was stretching almost around the block. I’ve been a part of the club scene for many years and standing in line was simply not my thing anymore. He noticed that right away and apologized for having us wait thirty minutes in the freezing cold. He promised that once we got inside that I would forget all about the having to wait in the cold. He was right. The minute we walked in, the DJ was playing; Bell Biv Devoe’s, Poison and I immediately took to the dance floor.

After the first song, we went to bar, grabbed a couple of beers and went back out for more dancing. We were bonding with everyone around us and I was having such an amazing time. We danced for hours and we only had two drinks the entire time, the music was that good. Finally, it was around 2:30 in the morning and we decided to head back to the city. I was so drunk that I didn’t even know how we got home; I assume it was another Uber car. I do know that we both arrived back at my friend’s apartment. Inside, we both looked at each other and smiled. Then I asked him if he wanted to stay the night with me. He said, “Are you sure? Ok.” Once we were in bed, he tried to tell me nice things about me and I had to tell him to please stop. I’m not good at accepting compliments and I was too drunk to even process them. We both passed out and the next morning, he was wide awake at 7:30. I woke up smiling, not wanting him to leave and then I realized something horrible. I had the flu and it was going to hit me fast.  At first, I thought I was just hungover but he couldn’t leave that apartment fast enough. As soon as I closed the front door, I ran to the bathroom and proceeded to throw up and I didn’t stop for the next two days straight. Maybe my body was reacting to meeting such a nice guy or the fact that I had a nasty virus. Either way, I was miserable and even had to call out sick on Monday.

Since our amazing second date, we’ve kept in touch and are doing our best to see each other again but due to both of our schedules we have about another week and a half to go. In the meantime, there is always texting and calling.

So, here we are. We are all now “up- to-date” and have I found myself fully? No. Do we ever really fully find ourselves? I guess that is between us and laws of the universe. What I do know is that when we do find ourselves feeling lost; it is our responsibility to find ourselves again. We are given this amazing opportunity in life to make differences, to see amazing wonders, to meet awesome people and while there will always be the bad with the good. We must never forget that true happiness lies within each of us.

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