On Second Thought
How many times in our lives have we had to give something a second guess? Or thought we saw something but had to give it a second glance. For some, myself included, it’s often a true test of how much you like a person enough to give them a second chance. With all the “second” guesses, glances and chances, I wondered why we can’t get it right the first time.
Something told me last Monday that my week ahead was going to be a special one. It was all about friends. No dating drama. No work chaos. Little did I know how special it actually was going to be. After a rather rough year, things were finally changing for me in a more positive direction. The new job was going well; friends and family were happy and healthy. I also knew just how far I’ve come after celebrating eighteen years in Manhattan.
On Tuesday, I was happy to be seeing a friend of mine that I don’t get to see that often. He’s away on the weekends and both of our weeks are usually jammed packed. He’s always been a big supporter of me and this blog, so I was delighted when we finally picked last Tuesday to have dinner. We first met at a store that I don’t go to that often, Crate and Barrel. After he finished paying for his items, we walked over to Bare Burger on LaGuardia Street where over delicious burgers; we updated each other on our lives. After our meal, we walked a little bit to our respected subway stations and hugged goodbye. It always amazes me how there are certain people in your life that you don’t physically get to see but once you do; you simply pick up where you last left off. It was truly a wonderful way to start the week.
Wednesday, I found myself in the same position as the night before. I was meeting a friend of mine that I’ve known for several years now. We’ve had our ups and downs in our friendship along the way but we both gave each other a second chance to be in each other’s lives and in the end…we became closer because of that second chance. I met him in Chelsea at one restaurant that neither one of us were feeling, so we opted to walk to Elmo. All I can say is thankfully we ordered appetizers and entrees because after a bottle of wine and a shot of whiskey. I probably would’ve been on the floor. It’s a nice feeling knowing that as he dropped me off at my apartment that I don’t have to second guess that this friend will be in my life forever.
Had the week stopped right there, I would’ve been satisfied but I was lucky enough to be seeing friends of mine that had their wedding reception the previous Saturday. It was their second time celebrating their union since they officially got married last December. However, their reception was certainly one for the books and I was meeting them at their apartment on Thursday night to have dinner and a recap of the event itself. I could tell that they both were still on a high from their reception and it was precious to see that joy still in both of them. I left their apartment feeling hopeful. Hopeful that maybe one day I would be able to have that experience with someone that I was in love with. To be able to share that love with my friends and family and with no second guesses of the choice that I made.
It was a busy day at the office on Friday and everyone was counting down the hours until we could begin the weekend. I did the gym and ran some errands after work and a friend of mine asked me to meet him at, Gotham West Market. I had original plans to meet another friend of mine later on in the evening in the East Village so, I figured, I could meet my one friend first and then head over to the East Village later. Well…my plan didn’t go over so well. After a few beers at Gotham West Market, we hailed a cab and went back to my friend’s apartment with some wine. Before I knew it, I wasn’t able to get myself together in order to get down to the East Village where my friend was waiting for me. Finally, after a few failed attempts to pull myself together, I sent the message that I wasn’t going to be able to make it. Later on that night, my friends and I got an idea to get some air and head to a bar. Most of the bars were closed but we found one that was open. Another beer and a shot of fireball and that’s when it happened…I sort of forgot how to walk. I told my friends that I was staying at their apartment because the next day, they told me I was walking into traffic and couldn’t walk in a straight line. I was grateful for them and how well they took care of me.
I woke up the next morning in my shirt and underwear on my friends couch while they were both running around getting ready for work. I think I woke up still intoxicated and moved as fast as I could to get dressed and all I wanted to do was get in my bed and sleep the hangover away. Which was exactly what I did for the entire day, I spent it going in and out of naps but I felt so guilty for not making it to my friend in the East Village the previous night, that I suggested we go out to dinner that night; just the two of us. He accepted my offer and I finally was able to pull myself together to get ready for dinner at El Centro by 8.
As soon as we were seated, we immediately began updating each other on the night before and of course ordering the biggest margaritas. After the second sip, I was feeling like myself again. After dinner, another friend of mine wanted me to meet him at his apartment for other friends of mine were there and having a small gathering. I got my friend from dinner to come with me and we hailed a cab down to Chelsea.
Several hours later, a few shots of fireball and beers and everyone wanted to hit the streets. The party began to separate as we were walking to the bar, The Eagle. We got to the bar and it was packed but not in an obnoxious way. I don’t think we stayed very long and I was thankfully not as drunk as I was the night before. I was home by 2:30 a.m. which in New York is a reasonable hour. Between the week and now the weekend, I was in the best of company.
Sunday morning, magazines, coffee and a DVR full of shows that I desperately needed to catch up on was going to be my day. Finally around noon I sent a text message to someone. This someone is rather special to me. A brief history on him…He’s someone that I dated a few years ago. He’s someone that I foolishly decided to leave and he’s also someone with whom I had a falling out with. It was mainly me that caused the tiff between us that ended with us ending all communication. I hadn’t seen him or spoke with him in two years. Over the time that we weren’t speaking, I thought of him often and even reached out from time to time with no luck of a returned message.
Then, the evening of my friend’s wedding reception last Saturday, I noticed on my phone that there is a message from the guy. I was excited and nervous all at the same time. I didn’t know what to think but after several messages, we finally agreed to meet. We became Facebook friends again, phone numbers were programmed back in the phone and I wasn’t certain where he was in his life but I knew where I was in mine.
So, after a couple hours of texting back and forth yesterday; he suggested that we meet that afternoon versus Monday due to work, etc. Seeing that I had nothing going on with my lazy Sunday; I couldn’t think of a better way to spend my Sunday afternoon than seeing him. The original plan was to have me meet at his apartment, have some wine and then go out to dinner. I knew that I was going to be thrilled with seeing him but I surprised myself when I discovered how nervous I was while I was getting ready.
I arrived at his apartment at 5:30 and the minute I saw him, he gave me the biggest hug and said I smelled good. I took that as a good sign that we were letting the past stay in the past and this might be a second chance after all. I sat down on his couch; he got us a delicious bottle of red wine and thus began our conversation of updating each other on where we are in our lives. He confessed that he had read the blog so he knew most of what was going on in my life. As we tackled the major topics of friends, family and work; there was one topic that I was dying to know…whether or not he was single. Finally, I asked him and he told me that he was in fact single. I wanted him to kiss me so badly as soon as I found out that piece of information but I was still unsure of how he was seeing me. Was I a friend? Was I an ex? Was I someone that he even wanted to kiss?
After the first bottle of wine, he ordered us food to be delivered (so much for going out, which I was relieved that we were staying in). We rented a movie and as the movie went on, we were getting closer on the couch. Every now and again, we would look at each other and it was a flirtatious look on both of our faces. I felt like I was in virgin territory but we’ve already dated, already been together and yet at the same time it felt brand new and foreign.
The food arrived and we were in his kitchen getting plates and he was standing next to me and I looked up at him and said, “Are you going to kiss me now?” He shook his head and kissed me. His kiss was a kiss that I remembered fondly and at the same time it felt different. Something shifted instantly and for the better. I didn’t want him to stop kissing me and holding me and as we continued to kiss in his kitchen, I finally said the words that I was nervous to tell him. I stood on my tip toes and said in his ear, “I’ve missed you.” I didn’t think I was going to be able to say it and when I did, I felt much lighter. He told me that he had missed me too. Eventually we got back to the food that was delivered but it would be awhile.
As we sat back on his couch with our Mexican food and watching one of my new favorite shows, Manhattan Love Story, I could tell that he felt the same way that I did. After we finished dinner and he took our plates to his kitchen, I looked at him with such happiness and I asked him out for the upcoming weekend and to my delight…he said yes.
It was getting late, he still needed to do some work and I needed to get home. However, we cuddled on his couch for a few more minutes, we confessed a few more things toward each other and while I wasn’t anticipating anything that had happened that evening, it was one of the best evenings I’ve had in a very long time. We kissed some more before I eventually had to force myself to leave his apartment. He asked me to text him when I got home. I hailed a cab and once I was inside, I had the biggest smile on my face. I walked inside my apartment, sent the text and he responded back with calling me his nickname that he has for me (which will remain private between him and me).
Second guesses, second glances and second chances. Maybe there are certain moments in our lives that we don’t get right the first time. We need to fail, we need to fall down and we need to make mistakes in our lives before we can get that second opportunity to make something right. Without those second guesses, second glances and second chances, we just might miss what was always in front of us to begin with.
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