Another Brick Falls
Whether we are conscious of it or not, we all live in a state of protection. As parents, we protect our children from getting involved in any type of danger. Even the momma bird protects her babies before she feels they are strong enough to fly off on their own. From the time we are brought into this world, we are raised to believe that someone will be there to catch us when we fall or to make things better when our world falls apart. Then we become young adults and discover that it’s up to us to pick ourselves up off the floor and to make ourselves feel better when our world falls apart. When we experience these events for the first time, it then instills that fear of waiting for another brick to fall.
Moving to New York at such a young age, I discovered that theory of waiting for another brick to fall rather quickly. Survival skills, learning to defend myself and knowing how to stretch a dollar all came quickly. Of course, I made a ton of mistakes (and still do) when I was young. It was as if bricks continued to fall down around me constantly and somehow-someway, I managed to dodge them all. Or if they did land on me, I was able to push them off and start again. It’s called life and there isn’t a single soul out there that hasn’t experienced pain, heartache and suffering. As I’ve mentioned many times before, it’s what we do with these experiences that will allow us to move forward or backward when they present themselves again.
In matters of the heart, I’ve had more than my share of bricks falling (then again, who hasn’t). However, you get to read about mine and maybe even learn or laugh at my experiences. I get asked from readers constantly the question of, “Why do you continue to date?” The answer is simple, “I believe in love.” The love I have for my family, friends, myself and the city. It all runs through my veins and no matter how many times I’ve been disappointed; giving up is not an option. If we all continue to believe in that and know that, yes, there will be times when we are going to be disappointed. The flip side to that coin is that there we will be times when love conquers all and we won’t be disappointed. That is when you look at those bricks that have fallen all around us and we begin to build that dream that keeps us going.
Once again, my week consisted of dealing with my identity theft that has left me rather helpless. You can only do so much paperwork, call back and wait for that brick to fall. It seemed over the past three weeks since I discovered that this all happened to me that I’ve been getting hit with more bad news from every direction. I refuse to let someone out there destroy whatever it is I’ve tried to build for myself. As they say, “this too shall pass.” I’ve spent more times in police stations, filling out forms and being put on hold with various people than I care to admit but this is just the means to the end, which I pray is near.
On Tuesday, I found myself still navigating my way into a new dating routine. I was now becoming part of this thing most people call: Commuting. I’m spoiled in the fact that I either get to work from home or go into an office walking distance from my apartment. It’s been almost ten years since I’ve had to ride a subway to work and now after meeting this guy; I’m now riding a subway AND a Path Train in order to get to New Jersey for my dating life. So, on Tuesday after work, I rushed home to grab my overnight bag and get my ass to the 33rd Street Path Train in order to get to Jersey City for my date.
When I finally got to Jersey City, he picked me up in his car and it took awhile for me to shake off the day when I got in his car. It was rough dealing with the police for my identity theft and work was also rather hectic. Not to mention a hellish commute to get to him. He could tell right away that I wasn’t my normal self but that I was on the tense side. He kissed me hello and asked me what was wrong. I told him about the police and the crazy commute. I didn’t want to make him feel bad about the commute part but the truth was, was that I’m just not used to riding trains during rush hour and all fuss that goes along with it. After, I finally shook off my day, I was able to enjoy myself and the time with him.
He was also having a rough start to the week, the day prior to our date, he laid to rest his grandfather. So, between the both of us we simply wanted to just have a nice, relaxing and stress free time. Therefore, we bought a bottle of wine and he cooked for us. I helped a little with cleaning the dishes and I think he rather appreciated it. I was doing my best to not think or allow myself to even process the notion of another brick falling with this guy. Every single time he would speak to me or message me, I did my best to not think of something bad or negative. We communicate well with each other, we are clearly attracted to each other and I can say with confidence that I’m excited to see where this goes. So, programming myself to not wait for a huge brick to land on my head isn’t the easiest thing to do but with practices comes perfection. After dinner was cleared, the dishes were done, we just sat and cuddled on his couch until we both got sleepy. He, again, held me the entire night and I didn’t sleep with one eye open.
The next day, I found myself back at the 54th Street police station waiting for an update on my case and I got nowhere. That was it. There was nothing left I could do but to sit, wait and follow up. After the day of annoyance, I followed it up with an intense gym session and just decided to go home. That evening, as I sat reading a book, I got a message from the guy. It said that he was on the Upper West Side and he was almost done finishing up with a client of his (he’s a hair stylist). I told him to drive home safely and then he responded with, “What if I drove by your apartment to give you a kiss?” It was so sweet and. At around 10:15, he told me that he was one block away from my apartment. I quickly rushed downstairs, waited outside my building and then he drove up. I got in his car, he gave me a kiss and began to drive around the block. On that short ride around the block, we updated each other on our days and when we got back to my building; we kissed some more before he drove back to New Jersey. It was a sweet gesture and as I went to bed that night, I had the feeling of certainty that as of now; there are no bricks in sight.
Friday and I was sitting in the front seat of my friend, Feathers, truck. We were headed to his country house in Pennsylvania and I couldn’t be happier. I think between the ups and downs of the week being surrounded by friends was the perfect way to start the weekend. The entire three and a half hour drive, we talked non-stop or maybe I did most of the talking. Regardless of who did the talking, we all were laughing and having a good time. When we finally arrived at the house, the wine was being poured into glasses, the homemade pizza was in the oven and the music was blaring. A few more friends arrived an hour later and then the real party began. We all stayed up super late just talking, laughing and of course…drinking.
The rest of the weekend was spent doing the exact same thing. We played cards on the outside deck, walked around the property, had amazing meals and then something strange happened. I found myself going to bed before midnight on a Saturday. I went to sleep and didn’t wake up for eight solid hours.
Yesterday, on the drive back to the city with Feathers and his husband; the guy and I were texting with each other. It was agreed that our next date would be tomorrow. Am I excited? You bet. Am I waiting for another brick to fall? No. Will that feeling ever manifest in my conscious? I’m pretty sure that it will but it’s how I handle the situation that will provide me with my outcome. He was my last message last night and my first message this morning and it’s a fucking amazing feeling.
When we begin our week, we always anticipate another brick to fall. We get the Monday Morning Blues, we dread our commutes or starting the gym routine back-up again. Rather than waiting for that next brick to land on us, we should instead look at the week with a clean slate. The opportunity to make a difference, the chance to make someone smile and the option to take the bricks that fall and build higher and higher
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