"Update" NYC

Patience is a Virtue

There is that age old phrase of, “Patience is a virtue.” In a city like New York, that phrase doesn’t sit very well with most. It’s a city that has no tolerance for long lines, can’t stand tourists that don’t know how to navigate the sidewalks and we are already honking our horns before the light even changes to green. It’s part of the survival skills for living here. We are so programmed to move fast, to think on our toes and when we leave our little metropolis, we discover that the rest of the world walks at a normal pace, uses their cross walks and even say things like, “please” and “thank you.” Which got me thinking about the virtue of having patience. Is it really a virtue to have all this patience or a cleverly hidden torture device?

After living here for almost two decades, it’s very safe to say that my patience for patience has been very low for some time. That is why whenever I come across a person that is flakey or inconsiderate of my time…they are usually cast aside.

It all began last Monday when the guy I had been hanging out with for the past two weeks canceled his plans with me due to him being ill. We had just had a rather deep date the previous Sunday and so I was a tad taken aback when on Monday he was canceling our date. It left me feeling suspicious and of course, I know we can’t help these things but still I had my guard up. I told him that I hoped he felt better and if he needed anything to let me know.

The rest of the week was me reaching out to him to see his status on his health and him not asking me one thing about my week. My patience with his lack of manners was pushing me to rethink things and whether or not I wanted things to progress. By Wednesday, we had finally agreed that the next day, he would come over after his shift with work was over with. I was looking forward to seeing him and was hoping that things would shift with how we communicate toward each other.

Thursday and there was a different energy in the city. It was a day where the sun was out and it gave us the first real glimpse of spring. After several long harsh winter months, it was nice to see and feel sunshine on the skin. That evening, after work, I met up with Feathers and a friend of ours at the bar, Gym, for a much needed Happy Hour. It was nice to see them, for I hadn’t seen them in awhile and afterwards we sauntered over to, Flight 151, where we had more beers and bar food. I had to monitor the time for I was expecting to have to leave and get ready for the guy that evening. Around 9 p.m. I get a text message from him telling me that he is “plum tired” from work and now needs to go home and pack for he’s leaving the next day for Virginia. My response to him was “O.K.” I wasn’t going to beg for the reason for the sudden trip, I wasn’t going to offer to help him pack and I just needed to let things go and we all know that drinking and texting simply do not mix. After we settled the bill, we all went our separate ways and I went home. While it was nice to see my friends, I was also slightly annoyed by this guy’s lack of consideration for my time.

On Friday, no word from the guy and I wasn’t going to reach out. I decided to focus on the rather busy weekend I had ahead of me. I left work on time, went and got the haircut, the gym and then got ready for I was heading to a foreign land, otherwise known as, The Upper East Side. I was going there for drinks, games and to meet the newest addition to my friend’s home. They just got a new puppy and we were all excited to meet it. There we had cocktails, played games and of course, got to know the puppy. I was glad that the evening was tame for I knew the rest of the weekend would not be. We all left around midnight and it was very nice to see my friends excited about their latest addition.

Saturday, I was up bright and early. I was ready to take on the day and it was a good thing that I was in such a mood because there wasn’t a minute to spare. I did the laundry, did some yoga, got ready and made my way down to Chelsea. I was meeting a new guy that I had been chatting with for about a week or so. I wasn’t sure how to handle him based on what was going on with the other guy however, we finally agreed to meet for coffee at noon.

By the time I got to the Starbucks on 23rd and 8th Avenue it didn’t even occur to me that I should be excited, nervous or any other emotion. I was mainly focused on the fact that by noon, the temperature outside was already 70 degrees and not a cloud in the sky. I was inside the coffee shop in line, having no patience for the other patrons in line ordering their complicated drinks. My date walked in and I was even more attracted to him than I was anticipating. He was tall, scruffy face, great smile and gave me a hug upon recognizing me. We ordered our coffees and immediately walked outside and put on our sunglasses.

I think we were both very excited for the weather because on our walk to the High Line, we were literally talking over each other. Talking about our jobs (he does the same line of medical work that my mother does) and has a great name (the same as my dad and younger brother). He is also happens to be a Midwest guy (a weakness of mine).

Once we got to the High Line, we sat down and soaked in as much sun as possible. There we learned a great deal about each other. Our date could only last for a little over an hour (which is about as long as most first dates should last) because he was then off to play volleyball and I had a ton of errands to run. I think we were both attracted to each other both on the physical and intellectual. He has a nice sense of humor and we both have a huge love for beaches. All in all, I was having a great time and I think we were both bummed that we had other things we needed to do with the rest of our days because I think our date would’ve lasted much longer. He walked me to the corner of 23rd and 8th Avenue where we started from and gave each other a hug and kiss goodbye with the promise of seeing each other again. As of now, that next time of seeing each other is this Wednesday.

Between the weather and now this great first date, I was certain that I was ready to take on the rest of the day. I went to a spa to get a facial, followed by an intense gym session and I had just enough time to get ready and go down to the Village to a sex shop. I needed to go to this store in order to pick-up all the necessities for that evening was my dear friend’s bachelor party. His wedding is in two weeks and we were sending him off in the naughtiest way possible. I bought the penis necklaces, the penis whistles, penis napkins, penis paper plates and of course the penis tiara.

After my penis purchases, I rushed over to my friend’s apartment in Chelsea where we would be pre-gaming before the festivities would commence. Our lucky bachelor had no idea what we all had done for him. We rented a party bus (stripper pole included) and there we would be going to a place I had never been before in my entire time of living here. A place called, Jackson Heights in Queens. We found all these crazy bars to take him to and the evening would end with us back in the city and a strip club.

We were up in the apartment having our cocktails when we got the warning that we had ten minutes to finish our drinks and be downstairs. As we exited the building, there are big white party bus awaited. We brought our drinks onto the bus we went and the ride to Queens was an adventurous one. We all took turns dancing on the pole, the music was so loud and everyone was laughing till there were tears.

I can’t tell you any name of the bars we went to but each one was more fun than the previous. It was very safe to say that our bachelor was surprised at all that we were able to accomplish without him knowing. It was finally time to leave Queens and head back to the city. I will say that my time in Queens did leave a lasting impression on all of us. We had a blast!

The time flew by and before we knew it, we were back in the city saying goodbye to our bus driver (who was probably very glad to see these queens leave). Our last and final stop on this faith trip was to a place on Saturday’s called: ADONIS. The set-up goes a little something like this…You pay your admission and behind the velvet curtain is a bar, a bunch of men in speedos, briefs and jock straps walking around talking to you and asking you if you’d like a private dance. I will say this, that while the men are attractive there; it is not my scene. All I could think about was how dirty everything is. I didn’t want them touching me and I avoided the “dancers” at all costs. However, this was about my friend and his special night so, of course, he got his private dances (and a few of my friends also decided to get theirs too) but after a few beers and realizing the time; I needed to go home. I left with a few friends and once I got home and saw the time, it was a rather full day. Somehow, I managed to run errands, have a first date, workout, shop and attend a killer bachelor party. While my time in Queens was fun, it was time for this Queen to pass out.

Yesterday, as predicted was a slow mover but the city was greeted with another day of gorgeous weather. I decided that my Sunday was going to be spent appreciating the elements. I showered, grabbed my book, a towel and read in Central Park. The crew was trying to get me to have some drinks but my body needed to detox and I’m glad that I did for there was an interesting turn of events with the guy who had to suddenly leave for Virginia. I hadn’t heard a word from him since he canceled on Thursday. He sent a text saying “Greetings from Virginia!” I took my time with responding based on principle. I responded with “Hi” and he asked how I was doing and that is when I unleashed on how I was left confused by his sudden trip and the inconsistency with his communication. He responded with him telling me that he will be calling me in an hour.

He called, as promised and informed me that his father took a sudden turn of illness and that all the family was rushed to see him. We talked about his father’s condition, when he will be returning and how we need to communicate better. Not sure what the future holds but I do know that if I can be there for him that I would be. It was very clear to me that after our phone call, patience is the best medicine for this situation. After the phone call, I walked as far as my legs would let me in the park and decided to walk home and appreciate the weather, my friends and the weekend that I just had.

Dating, like anything else in our lives takes time, understanding, communication, honesty and patience. Without those elements everything could fall apart or not even be given legs to stand on. The saying, “Patience is a virtue” is traced all the way back to, William Langland, an author from the 14th century, in the year 1377. Which means, that we’ve been trying to understand and grasp the concept of “patience” for about 637 years. Which means, all of us, every single day must learn that patience is in fact a virtue that we should inject into our lives.

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