"Update" NYC

Come On Get Happy

Life, as we know it, is filled with a constant flow of disappointment, depression, and can be downright cruel at times. It’s been that way since the beginning of time and as people of the modern world, there are tons of methods we do to cure our blues. Things like eating junk food, popping a Xanax, praying to your spiritual leader, drinking with your friends and so on and so forth. I find it fascinating that we have all these so called “cures” to help us with our mishaps but what about when we are actually happy. Once we get what we were looking for suddenly we don’t need our crutches to help us stand up. It’s far easier to be sad but it’s a hell of a lot harder to be happy. So, in a world where we everything is at our finger tips to help us become better people…why the hell can’t we all just be happy?

Last Monday started and I was on the mend and almost fully recovered from letting go of the fact that the guy I had the wonderful connection with was never coming back. I decided to take the approach of, “New Week-New Slate” and it felt good. I managed to produce a heavy traffic day for the blog, fit the gym in and that evening went over to a friend’s apartment for a surprise birthday party. The birthday boy was genuinely grateful for those that attended and it was nice to see everyone. If seeing a friend that happy was the way the week was going to start then I was ready for anything.

The next night, I had a “meeting” with someone that my editor said I should talk to because he was just starting out with his writing career and wanted to pick my brain. I agreed to the “meeting” and suggested we meet at a wine bar near my apartment. He is semi-new to the city and so I had to be very specific with my directions (which anyone that knows me, knows how bad I am with directions). Somehow, someway, he still managed to get lost and I found him at a different wine bar. He is hard to miss seeing that he is 6’5 and a rather big fella. Once we sat down, I began the process of asking him all the normal writing questions. He didn’t really have any answers to my questions but instead he continued to talk about his life in Boston and the New England area. He kept talking about how nice it would be if one day he found a guy that would take trips with him to Nantucket and how he really likes someone that dresses on the preppy side. I nodded and played along but kept trying to revert back to the topic at hand…writing. Finally, after his second glass of wine he said, “You don’t seem like someone that hangs around Nantucket but would you change if I asked you out?” I was perplexed and said, “No. I’m not someone that hangs out in Nantucket and no, I don’t think a date is possible. You are a nice guy but this was supposed to be a meeting about writing.” He looked at me like I just shot his puppy. I gave him a few friendly tips about dating in the city and once we were outside he said to me, “What if I came back to your apartment, can we talk more there?” We all know what that is code for in the dating world and I politely told him that while it was nice to meet him, if he had any more questions about writing that he could simply email me. I watched him walk away that way he couldn’t see where I lived and once I got home, I was merely exhausted from spending the whole night dodging topics about spring time in Nantucket while wearing khaki pants and boat shoes.

The next day and I couldn’t believe it was already Wednesday, the week was flying by. I was very excited that the week was flying by but also extremely excited because that evening I was going to be babysitting my friend’s son. The minute I walked into the apartment, there he was smiling and giggling. It was that moment that I thought about the true meaning of happiness. This innocent child has not a care in the world and as long as he is fed, changed and loved than happy he will remain. Maybe he was onto something and that all we need in life to make us happy is to be fed, changed and to be tucked in at night. It was a wonderful way to spend a Wednesday playing with him and tucking him in while I read him a bedtime story.

It was a rather busy week, social wise. On Thursday, after yoga, I met up with an ex (who is now a friend). We don’t get to see each other often due to our busy schedules but we met for a reason. He had to share some exciting news with me and it’s the kind of news that you can’t do over text or a phone call. This news was something that had to be said face to face. I was very grateful that he not only wanted to share his exciting news with me but that he trusted me after all these years. It was really nice to catch up over wine and I couldn’t be happier for him. It’s the kind of news that while you do your best to be happy for someone, you can’t help but think, “When will this happen to me?” I did my best to not even go down that road but stay on the road that I was already on and that road was being happy for someone else. There was no need to be selfish but rather a need to be happy for another human.

By the time Friday rolled around, I was actually spent given how busy the week had already been. Knowing that my friends were all rather occupied and I was seeing them the next day. I did something I never do, especially on a Friday night…I stayed in. I bought a cheap bottle of wine, did some writing, was in bed by midnight and was actually happy with my choice to stay in for a change.

The next day, was going to be a busy one. I was in charge of gathering all my friends to meet at the Water Ferry to take us to New Jersey. I was rather proud of myself that I was organizing and making sure we all got there on time, a task that is not always easy when there are several queens involved. It was happiness to see everyone and the fact that everyone showed up on time was just icing on the cake. We all jumped on the ferry and began updating each other on what shenanigans we all got into the night before. As we docked into New Jersey, I got a text from the friend that was picking us up that it would be another 45 minutes till she would be picking us up since there was another friend in the city that we were waiting on. While it wasn’t a major fail on my part for not reading the messages properly, I did feel slightly bad that I had my friends waiting. It was there, that I decided I no longer wanted to be in charge of coordinating things. I’m much more of the “tell me where to be” kind of person.

Our purpose, for venturing out into Jersey was that our friends have a gorgeous house and they would be hosting their annual, “Tamale Making” day. Everyone pitches in making the tamales, drink margaritas and beers all afternoon which is followed by playing charades. There were dogs, babies, food and of course our friend…tequila there. There were so many moments throughout the day that I thought how happy I was to be with these amazing people, the delicious food and the sound of laughter. The party went from 3 till about 10 or 11 (I was a little fuzzy) and by the time we got back to the city, everyone was spent. Mostly everyone went home and their separate ways but a few of us just had to have one more. So, we all went to the bar, Barracuda, for one more beer before saying our goodbyes.

Yesterday, I woke up amazingly not hung-over. Not even the slightest, it must’ve been all that food that I ate that soaked up my alcohol intake. I took advantage of the fact that I wasn’t exhausted and ran a ton of errands, went to the gym and then I had to get ready for my first date. I told myself that I was finally ready for a date since the guy and I ended two weeks ago.

I met this new guy also from the app, Scruff. He came across as rather nice. We messaged for a bit and he even asked me out and made plans (which these days takes me by surprise). He picked the place, the time and everything. So far, this was looking rather promising. As I made my way through the snowy-wintery mix that was falling down from the sky, I was actually getting excited with each step that I took. He appeared to be attractive based on the photos he shared with me, had an exciting job and didn’t come across as someone that was looking to hit the sheets the minute we shook hands. I was only five minutes late (I’m getting better) and when I walked in he was already waiting for me. Right off the bat, the attraction wasn’t there. I wasn’t sure when he took his photos but suffice to say they were not recent unless he managed to have gained some weight in one day. However, I wasn’t going to let a few extra pounds scare me off from getting to know this man.

We hugged and as soon as I sat down, he said to me, “I’m not a big drinker. So, maybe just a glass of wine tonight will do for me. You can get whatever you want but I’m also not a big wine guy.” Yet, he chose a wine bar and we could’ve just gone to Starbucks. Ok, so now, we have the extra pounds on top of him not being a big drinker. I already knew how this date was going to turn out, or so I thought. He suggested that I pick a glass of wine for the both of us and I settled on a simple glass of Pinot Noir. Once our single glasses of wine came to the table, we toasted and he asked me how long I’ve lived in the city. I told him that I had been here a long time and then his second question was one that threw me off. He looked at me, took another sip of his wine and said, “So, are you a bad boy?” I wasn’t sure what he meant by the question. Was he asking if I had ever been arrested or if I was a naughty boy in the bedroom? I actually chuckled at the question because I thought he was simply being silly. No. He wanted to know if I was a bad boy in the bedroom. I told him that I didn’t think that question was appropriate especially since we just met five minutes ago. So, I did my best to speak on your average first date topics. We talked about our jobs, families, and friends and every single time I thought we were off the topic of sex, somehow he would figure out a way to ask questions like, “So, you lived in Seattle…what’s your favorite position?” I quickly became annoyed and flat out asked, “Are you looking for a date or some sort of fuck buddy?” The minute I asked that question, the look on his face was as if I told him that he had just won the lottery. He goes, “Yes. That is exactly what I am looking for! I wanted to meet you first to see if you were cute and boy, you are cute. I live two blocks away if you want to fool around. Or I have naughty pictures on my phone that I can show you now that my ex took of me.” I told him that this wasn’t at all what we messaged about and that I’m not in the market for a fuck buddy. I chugged my wine down as fast as I could and motioned for the waitress to bring the bill. Normally, on first dates, I offer to pay half but I didn’t even reach for my wallet. I gave him a rather harsh look and looked at the bill and then looked back at him to imply that his tacky ass was paying for our single glasses of wine. He understood the implication and paid the bill. Once he signed the receipt, I grabbed my coat and walked out the door not looking back.

While it wasn’t my worse date it also didn’t make me happy that I was back in the dating pool with the crazies. I did my best to not read too much into the date but what made me actually laugh was the date had the balls to send me a text a half hour later that said, “I had a great time. If you ever want to come by my place, all you have to do is ask.” Of course, I didn’t respond and spent the rest of the evening reading.

Even on our worse days, there is always something to be grateful for, appreciative and dare I say it…even be happy about. We can get fired today but we will get another job. We can lose a loved one but we still celebrate the life that we were able to share with them. We can get divorced but that doesn’t mean we will never find love again. How we handle our devastating news will in the end provide us with our outcome for the future. It’s so easy to point out the things we don’t have in life but can be rather hard to sit down and catalog all the things we have in our lives and all the things we’ve already achieved that brought us where we are today. So, while it can be at times hard to put on a smile, I have to ask, what are we waiting for? Come on let’s get happy!

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