"Update" NYC

Say Something

Silence speaks louder than words. A phrase we’ve heard a million times and probably something we’ve all experienced at one point or another. Think about that time you had an argument with your partner, you went to bed that night angry and didn’t say a word. The disappointment, the anger, the deception filled the room and no words were needed. Both of you were either too stubborn to say something or you simply didn’t know what to say and hoped that by morning you would know what the right thing to say would be. Then there are times when the words we say can hurt someone, cause a revolution or provide someone with hope. Knowing how powerful words can actually be, it got me thinking just how important it is to use your words and…Say Something.

After my first date in 2014, where he took his shoes and socks off at the movie theatre and informed me that he was going commando. I was already nervous about what my dating life would hold for the rest of the year. If that date was any indication of what the year ahead had in store for me; I would gladly give it all up and go in hiding like a groundhog. However, I still believe that there are good dates out there to experience and to be had. Which was why I agreed to go on a long overdue, second date with someone from last year. We had gone on a date last November. The first date was actually rather nice. We had beers and a kiss goodnight and ever since then between the holidays and traveling; our schedules just never matched up. So, finally, last Wednesday; we were able to go on our second date. Over the holiday break, we both were texting about how much we missed warm weather and how going for margaritas and acting as if we were in Mexico might help our cold winter blues. We agreed to meet at, Arriba Arriba, in my neighborhood at 7. He had gotten there before I did and so he was lucky enough to snag us a table. When I arrived, he had already ordered the biggest margarita. That was fine by me and I ordered one right along with him. It was nice to see him and he was more handsome than I remembered. We went right into talking about our holidays, work and the normal topical conversation. When it came time to order he leaned in and said, “This is Wednesday. This is the day I allow myself to eat whatever I want.” Personally, I liked that; I’d much rather hangout with someone that enjoys food rather than someone who can only talk about smoothies or the latest protein bar. Eat damn it! Well, eat he did. This man ordered rice, beans, a burrito, one enchilada and one taco. Kind of brave for a second date but if it was what made him happy then I was all for it. I, on the other hand, ordered a quesadilla and focused more on my margarita.

The meals were served and my date went to town. He ate everything and this is a man that is tall and on the skinny side. I was impressed. So impressed that I had to say something and I told him how I didn’t think he was going to be able to eat all of that food. After the meal, after the drinks, it was time to decide if we wanted to continue the date or end things there. He suggested we go for one more margarita at his favorite bar, Flaming Saddles. Personally, it’s not my favorite bar but it was cold that night and not a far walk from the restaurant. As soon as we stood up to get ready to leave, my date says, “Oh man…my ‘Food Baby’ is acting up.” I had no idea what he meant and asked him what the hell he was talking about. He said, “I name my belly, ‘Food Baby’, when I’ve eaten too much and right now my ‘Food Baby’ is acting up.” I told him, “We can call it a night if you need to go home or something.” He insisted we go for another drink and that maybe he needed to walk a little so that his “Food Baby” could get more comfortable. It was at that point that I should have said something and gone home. However, aside from the “Food Baby” issue, I was having a descent time.

When we walked into the bar, it dawned on me instantly why he wanted to come to this bar. It was because all the little bartender/dancers knew him and loved him. Apparently, he is a frequent customer, tips well and of course the bartenders are going to love that. We sat at the bar and ordered two margaritas. As the bartender was making our drinks, my date says, “I will be right back.” He grabs his coat, throws some money on the bar and walks outside. I wasn’t sure if I had just gotten stood up or if the “Food Baby” was ready to be delivered. I had no idea what the hell was going on but the drinks came and so I just took a sip and waited. My date finally returns with a bag from the deli around the corner. He said, “The ‘Food Baby’ needed some TUMS.” It took him so long to finish his margarita and he didn’t really say much for I think he was focusing all his attention on his, “Food Baby” and all that he had just consumed. He was popping the TUMS like they were candy; he almost finished the entire pack. Finally, after the drinks were finished; I could tell he wanted to go home right away. He was gentlemen enough to walk me to the corner of my block and quickly hailed a cab. I sent a text to him thanking him for the night for despite his constant talk of his “Food Baby”. To this day, I have never heard from him again. I think, in this case, it wasn’t something that was said but rather something that someone ate.

Well, that was two dates already into the New Year that turned out to be huge busts. Never one to stay lying on the ground, I got up and dusted myself off. It was Thursday night, at the tail end of a very intense cold snap of weather the east coast was experiencing but even the weather wasn’t going to put a freeze on my plans. I had my third date for the year with a new guy. I was looking forward to it because this was someone brand new. It was a clean slate, there was still the element of hope, surprise and maybe just maybe there would be an actual great first date. We met on this app called, SCRUFF, about a week and a half ago. We messaged on there and finally went to actual texting. After several flirtatious messages, we finally agreed to meet for wine. Seeing that he works near my apartment and it was freezing cold; we thought it would be a good idea to go somewhere close by and so I suggested, Ardesia. He had never been and really wanted to try it out.

The plan was to meet at 7:30 and before meeting him; I had to interview a potential new roommate for my apartment. I was running quickly to make sure I didn’t keep this date waiting in the bar for me. I managed to make it just in the nick of time and he was seated in the corner of the wine bar. He was more attractive than his photos and he even stood up and waited till I sat down to seat himself. Once we both were seated, the conversation began. We got more in depth of what we do for a living, where we are both from originally, families and then he asked about my journey to New York. Well, I asked him if he was prepared for a rather long story; he said, “Sure. This outta be good.” So, during the bottle of wine, I told him trek to the city. What seemed like an hour later, I was finally done with my story and he said, “Well, that was certainly the opposite of my story.” We laughed and we noticed our first bottle of wine was gone and the waitress asked us both if we wanted another one. I said, “I can handle it if you can.” To which he replied with, “I’m Irish, I can handle this.” So, another bottle of wine and the conversation continued to flow and I was smiling. No stress, no signs that indicated he was a freak and certainly no awkward silences. I was talking a mile a minute and if I wasn’t talking then I was smiling and listening with fullest of attention. It was midway through our second bottle of wine that I thought I should say something, to say what I was actually feeling and thinking. In fact, I wanted to say something. I looked at him and said, “I just wanted you to know, that I am having a really nice time tonight.” To which he replied with, “You know what. I am as well. Too good.” During our second bottle of wine, we also ordered appetizers. This date was really shaping up to be rather wonderful. Finally, it was that hour where we both knew that we could do another bottle but probably shouldn’t. I’m glad that we didn’t do a third bottle because then things would have gotten sloppy and that wasn’t how I wanted the evening to end. We settled the bill, grabbed our coats and walked. He knew what corner my apartment was and when we arrived to that corner, neither one of us wanted the evening to end. There were no words needed anymore, nothing that needed to be said, it was actions now that spoke louder than words. Just when I thought the evening was going to end with a hug goodbye, he grabbed me and kissed me. He didn’t just kiss me but there was power behind the kiss, passion and thankfully no bad breath. We made out for a few minutes before he continued to walk home and there was a part of me that wanted to turn around to see if he was looking at me but I had to remain calm, cool and collective. I thought of texting him what a wonderful time I had that night but decided that since we agreed on a second date that I will leave well alone. If and when I see him again, I will be just as excited but for now; I know that the possibility of a great first date is still alive and well.

And after a great first date, I was looking forward to a great weekend. Feathers had invited me or shall I say…I invited myself; to his country house for the weekend. I packed a bag on Friday morning, left work early and rode up with a friend of ours who was also staying the weekend. The weekend was a perfect bookend to a rather nice full week back to reality after the holidays. We ate, we laughed, we, of course, drank and got plenty of rest. I did hear from my date over the weekend about seeing each other in the upcoming week, so only time will tell how that will all pan out but I was certainly glad that I was able to say to him what a great time I had.

“If You See Something, Say Something.” A slogan that the New York MTA trademarked and now is a nationwide campaign to help build awareness to protect our nation. So, there you have it, if you see something than you must say something. The fact that we are even given the privilege to be able to say something, is a gift that many of us take for granted and yet there are still some people out there that remain silent. Can you imagine if Martin Luther King didn’t say something? Or if you never got to say the words, “I love you” to another person? We are given so many opportunities to say what we feel and yet we remain quiet.

When we say our words, no matter what, we must get behind them. Defend them. Believe in them and even die for them. They’re our words, words that can change someone else’s life, words that can make a difference and words that make things happen. So, what are you waiting for? Say Something.

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