"Update" NYC

Be Thankful For What You Got

Most of us have experienced wanting something or someone that we can’t have. Then there are the times that no matter how much you love someone, it can be, at times, very hard to be happy for that someone. Certain events like, someone getting promoted ahead of you, getting engaged before you or even looking better than you do in the same exact pair of jeans, can often lead to feeling sorry for ourselves. That pity party with the reservation of one…yourself. You complain, cry and whine about all the things that others have and you don’t. Whether it is professional, personal, romantic, health, beauty or finance…why is it so hard to be thankful for what we already have?

When last week began, I was excited because I had so much to look forward to. From first and second dates to spending time with friends, the week was presenting itself to be well rounded. On Monday, I had my second date with Bachelor #1 from last week. While on our first date, I wasn’t completely feeling the sparks; I did think we at least deserved a second shot. He had sent a text to me earlier in the day asking if I was still available and what I wanted to do. He informed me that he didn’t want to drink but we would be up for having an early dinner. We settled on a Thai restaurant in my neighborhood. He was already waiting for me outside of the restaurant when I arrived and we immediately sat down for the early bird special. It is rare that I am in the mood for dinner at 6:30 on a Monday but there we sat at this place called, Q2.

We ordered and both stuck with water and it was time to update each other on our weekends. By the time we finished with that topic, we were left with finding other things to talk about. No one should ever have to work that hard, especially on a second date when you are barley scratching the surface on getting to know someone. I asked about all I could and when he asked me what my week would be like, I told him about me watching my friend’s son. He then said the sentence that killed the rest of the evening. He said, “Ugh, kids. Not for me. I am way too selfish and I like my life the way it is.” I didn’t want to judge his life, since even on our first date he complained about turning 40, living with his ex-boyfriend, sharing a dog together and not being able to find someone. We both knew right then and there that this would be the last time we would see each other. He walked me to my corner and we hugged goodbye. Regardless of the outcome of that second date, I was thankful that I found out early in the game where he stood with regards to children.

On Wednesday, after work, I went over to my girlfriend’s apartment to watch her son while she attended a work event. It was just him and I and the amazing thing was that this 17 month old baby was my best date I’ve had in months. He was attentive, he laughed at my jokes and he didn’t judge me when I made silly faces at him. As I held him and rocked him to sleep that night, I realized how happy I was. It was quiet in his nursery, just the sound of him breathing deeper and deeper and my smile growing wider. I gave him his bottle, tucked him in and watched him sleep for a few minutes. I went to bed that night knowing how lucky this child is to have so much love in his life.

The next evening, I was meeting someone brand new. We also met on this dating app and had finally found a time when we both were free. He was excited to go to Posh Bar, for it used to be his old stomping grounds before he moved up to Harlem. I knew a lot about him already because of our extended text messages, so as we sat at the bar, it felt like I had known him already. We ordered beers, raised our glasses and cheered to finally meeting. I was attracted to him and I believe he felt the same way. Everything was running smoothly, conversation was flowing, the flirting was at a good level and then I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and there was Bachelor #1 from Monday. He interrupted the date and said, “Hey, how’s it going. When this is over with, want to text me and get a drink?” I was mortified and embarrassed, not for me but for him. He went to the back of the bar and I told my date that he was a bad date that we should do our best to ignore; which we did. We had several beers and then he asked, “So, what did you do last night?” and I said, “Well, I babysat my friends baby.” Just when I was having a good time he said, “No to kids, they are not for me. Never say never but I am saying never.” It was a first date, so I certainly wasn’t going to get bent out of shape for him being honest with his feeling toward children. However, it certainly wasn’t a highlight to the evening. He did say he was having a wonderful time and even wanted to see me again as he hailed a cab to take him uptown. Will I see him again? I have no idea. All I do know is that I appreciated both men for their honesty.

Friday, a day I was really looking forward to. Not because it was the start to the weekend but because I was rather excited for my date that night. It would mark my second date with this guy that I had a great first date with two Friday’s ago. Our first date was a quick one due to me having to attend a friend’s dinner party but it was such a fun first date that we agreed to go for a second. His text messages are always funny and witty which really peaked my interest and I was rather attracted to him as well. He appeared to have his act together. Has the job, has the sense of humor and has good communication skills.

Our plan was to meet for margaritas since he is leaving this week for Mexico with friends. We figured we might as well stick with a theme. So, we met at the most dangerous place in the city for margaritas, Arriba Arriba. He was running late and it was all due to work. He kept me posted on how late he was going to be and considering how often I am late to things, I was doing my best to not get annoyed. He showed up at 7 p.m. and the place was crowded. We stood at the bar, ordered our first margarita and I could tell it was hard for him to shake off his work day. I told him to take a sip of his drink and to relax. He informed me that he didn’t have all night to play because he had to work the entire next day. I told him, “Let’s just enjoy the drink and see what happens.” He finally calmed down and we ended up getting a table for dinner.

Over dinner and another margarita, we talked about so many things. I was having a wonderful time. It wasn’t the tequila but rather it was the company that I was in. He was making me laugh and I was doing the same for him. After dinner, I thought for sure he was going to say something devastating like, “I need to go home and get ready for work.” Instead, he said, “Wanna grab another drink somewhere?” It was music to my ears. We decided to go with Industry Bar, since it is just around the corner. I ordered us a round of beers and as we stood there laughing, flirting heavily and talking non-stop; I felt a tap on my shoulder. I couldn’t believe my eyes…it was Bachelor #1…AGAIN. This time he didn’t say a word to me because I think from the look on my face, he could tell that I was annoyed. Two seconds later, I felt my phone vibrate and I knew it had to be him sending me a message. I didn’t even reach for my phone for I was having such a wonderful time on my date.

One round of beers led to I don’t even know how many and before I knew it; it was past 1 a.m. I knew he had to be up early for work and so we called it a night. He wanted to walk me home, I told him my rule of not letting guys walk me to my door but my rule left the building so to speak. Before I knew it, we were standing in front of my apartment; hugging, the hugging led to kissing and the kissing led to a full make out session. There was definitely sparks flying and at one point he said, “You have to walk away because I am going to want to come upstairs.” I admired not only his self-restraint but it was also a nice way to let me know that he had a good time and by the end we both agreed that there will be a date three.

Had nothing else happened for the rest of the weekend, I would have been completely satisfied. Thankfully, there was something else happening on Saturday; it was celebrating a dear friends’ birthday. He was hosting at his apartment in Chelsea and almost everyone was there. It was so good to be surrounded by friends, knowing that just in a few days we’d all be together again to celebrate Thanksgiving. It was the perfect evening and everyone that attended had a fantastic time. I was rather proud of myself for not staying out too late and ended up sharing a cab with a friend back to Hell’s Kitchen.

Yesterday a very nasty cold front hit the city and therefore, no one wanted to leave their homes. At least, that was my theory that I was sticking with because I forced myself to relax and not leave. I managed to get a lot of writing done, cleared the DVR out and prepare for the short week ahead.

Every single day we are given, is a day that we need and should be thankful for. No matter what news, events or life altering things happen to us, it was all meant to happen. Where we are in our lives at this moment is where we are supposed to be. It leads to us to our next chapter, it also leads us know that no matter how bad or even how good things are and will be, we made it through. It toughened us up for life’s setbacks and also provided us with recognizing our many fortunes. It might be easier to distinguish the things we don’t have in our lives but it can certainly change a way of thinking when you take a look around and be thankful for what you already have.

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