"Update" NYC

The More You Ignore Me (The Closer I Get)

It all starts in elementary school. The boy does his best way to let the girl know that he’s into her. How does he do it? By sticking gum in her hair or yanking on her ponytails. Yes. It is the long way to getting the message across that you actually like someone but it is no wonder that as we get older, the messages continue to get muddier. We may have switched the school playground for a bar but how is that we are still left with all of these mixed messages? I couldn’t help but wonder when it comes to relationships…is ignorance bliss?

I have a good friend that recently began his new journey back into singlehood and when you are out of the dating world for even a year; everything changes. It changes from how people meet each other to what even constitutes a first date. So, when he started trying an online dating app, I realized (and it took me a long time) that online dating is pretty much out and dating apps are in. It took some convincing and a lot of questions but I finally went ahead and created a profile for myself; which then sparked a whole new world into how I see the dating world.

However, before we even get to how time consuming these dating apps can be, let’s get to Halloween. Every single year, my group of friends and I look forward to this day and this year was no exception. My costume this year was going to be Batgirl. Usually, my friend, Feathers, always helps create my costumes but this year I was on my own. Sometimes the best part of Halloween, is actually going over to your friends’ apartment and getting ready; which is exactly what I did last Thursday.

We began to pregame at my friends’ apartment and we still didn’t have any definite plans as to where to go, so we ended up going to the Ace Hotel and waited for some other friends to join us. The night was turning out to be rather fun, also due to the fact that Feathers was joining us (which he hasn’t done in year). After drinks we all grabbed cabs and headed over the Phoenix Bar.

As soon as we walked in bar, I saw an ex of mine. Of course, he didn’t recognize me because I dressed up. I made a beeline to the back of the bar where some friends of mine were already playing pool. I did my best to get distracted in my friends and partying but every now and again, I would glance over to see him. He was with someone new and that was totally fine but with drinking comes heightened emotions. Finally, after a shot of tequila with a friend, I decided I was drunk enough to walk over in my five inch heels to say hello.

I tapped him on the shoulder, said, “Hey you!” He instantly recognized my voice and we hugged it out. However, as soon as he let go of the embrace, he ignored me and turned his back to me. Well, that didn’t sit so well with me and I didn’t even tell any of my friends that I was going to talk to my ex so they had no idea what was going on. I quickly made a dash for the bathroom and as I shut the door to the bathroom stall and took a step toward the toilet, my cape was stuck to the door and it yanked me back. In the process of me being yanked back, my cape ripped off and I was quickly starting to fall apart. I finished using the restroom and made my way through the crowded bar onto the street with my now frayed costume. Once I was on the street, it was there that I realized just how drunk I actually was. Trying to find a cab in New York City on Halloween is downright frustrating. I was having no luck and then I saw one and started to run toward the cab in my five inch heels. I took three steps and that is when it happened…Batgirl went down. I lost my balance and I didn’t want to fall forward so I started to fall backwards instead. I grabbed the first thing I could see and it was a door knob to a parked Mini Cooper. Let’s just say that by the time I hit the ground, there was a big scratch on the car door and I just sat there. My feet had given all hope on me walking and finally a stranger picked me up off the rain soaked ground and hailed a gypsy cab for me. I didn’t even bother texting my friends the episode because I didn’t want to lose my phone in the car ride. While it started out a very fun night, I sure didn’t do my best to keep Gotham City alive and well.

The next day, I knew better than to work and so I took the day off. Also, another big reason for me taking the day off was because a friend (and crush) was visiting from San Francisco that weekend and we had brunch plans at noon. I woke up not entirely feeling like death except I did have a bruised ass from my fall the previous night. Somehow, someway, I managed to get myself down to the East Village by noon. We were all having brunch at, Momofuku, and I had no idea what I was in store for.

There were five of us for brunch and the food was delicious, as usual. As brunch finished, my friend from San Fran and his friend who traveled with him wanted to walk around the East Village and do a sort of bar crawl. Seeing that I was the only one that had the day off, I was left to entertain. So there I was with my friend (crush), his friend and several East Village bars in broad daylight doing shots of bourbon and drinking beers. We were having a ball, however, there was a dinner that we all had to attend to later on that night and we were already getting pretty trashed. Finally, we made our way from the East Village and back to Chelsea where they were staying. We parted ways in order to take a nap, shower and get ready for the festivities ahead.

I barely took a cat nap, got showered and ended up showing up to the dinner an hour late! It didn’t seem to matter that I was late because all the dinner guests were mainly focused on the booze rather than the food. We stayed at the dinner party for several hours and things once again got blurry. We all went to, Barracuda, for some beers and next thing I know…I am in a cab with a few strangers heading to some house party. Get to this apartment building and we arrived with beer but the host was not too pleased with how many guests actually showed up. We didn’t stay long and ended up going back to the apartment that we originally started out at in Chelsea.

Before I know it, it is 5:30 in the morning and there was no way I could make it home. I ended up staying the night at my friends’ apartment and yet another night of fun under the old belt.

Saturday and I felt like I had already been through an entire weekend but now I had to switch gears and go into “date mode.” From this dating app, I had managed to score two dates in one day with two different men. The first one was a coffee date at 4 p.m. and the second was a wine date at 7:30. There was no time for a nap and so I just powered through.

I was at the coffee shop at 4 and by the time 4:15 had rolled around, I had a feeling that I was being stood up. I tried to message the date several times and received no response. I finally gave up at 4:30 and went back to my apartment. When I got back to my apartment, he sent a message telling me “I am sorry. I fell asleep. #lazyass.” I told him that I understood and if he ever wanted to reschedule to let me know. He has yet to write back. So far I wasn’t enjoying this dating app world either. I took a much needed nap and changed outfits to meet date #2 at, Ardesia Wine Bar.

I arrive at the wine bar on time and so did my date. To my surprise, he looked like his photos and was very nice right off the bat. As we sat there over wine, I kept yawning. Not because he was boring but because between Thursday and Friday…my ass was mentally and physically wiped out. The conversation was great, I was entertained but he was one of the “moments” guy. You know the kind where he looks handsome in certain angles or lighting but then there is moments where I couldn’t decide if I was attracted or not. Still, I was enjoying myself and so afterwards, he suggested we get some dinner. We walked over to Ninth Avenue and ended up at this Thai restaurant called, Viv. During dinner, he said he was having a great time and that he wanted to see me again. I agreed and wouldn’t mind seeing him again at all. Not sure if we are a match but first dates are always something we must take with a grain of salt. After dinner, he walked me to my corner and hugged me goodbye. By the time I went to bed, he sent a text message saying he had a nice time.

For a good portion of yesterday, I thought about this song that Morrissey sings, “The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get.” I couldn’t help but wonder if we are doing ourselves any justice by sending out mixed messages. We have all of this technology at our finger tips and no one can no longer say to another person, “I didn’t get your message.” It forces us to either flat out ignore someone or allow us to get closer. Maybe we should all stop wasting time with ignoring the messages we send out into the world and allow ourselves to actually get closer.

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