Dangling the Carrot
Every single day of our lives we are in a race either against the world or against ourselves. Some of us are chasing that dream job with the corner office while others are doing all they can to lose those pesky ten pounds. Then you have those that are after that ever illusive perfect relationship with that perfect person. Whatever the carrot is that is being dangled in front of us most of the time it isn’t about the end goal but rather about that stuff that happens in the middle. It’s like a romantic comedy movie, five minutes into it, you know who is going to end up together but it is the stuff that happens in the middle of the movie that you remember the most.
Last week there was one particular carrot that was being dangled in front of me and I was beginning to lose my stamina in chasing after it. After the icy treatment I received from Mr. Engineer I was pretty sure that I would never hear from him again. Of course, we all know that with these certain type of guys that unless you tell them to screw off; they will constantly reappear when you least expect it. Well, true to form, last Tuesday I had just finished my workout at the gym when I looked at my phone and there it was the message I knew would be coming. It was him asking me if I could meet him and his colleague for drinks. There was no “hello, how are you” or anything explaining why he had disappeared for three days. I responded back with not being available to meet him for drinks but suggested that maybe we do something the next day. A few hours go by and I gathered that he is now rather intoxicated for his messages were telling me that he misses my cute face and can’t wait to see me again. I told him thanks and to get home safely.
The next day while I am writing, I get a message from him asking if I had some time to speak on the phone. We spoke on the phone about little things and then it came time to finalize our plans for that evening. He said his younger brother is sick and he took the day off to take care of him but still thinks that meeting for coffee or something is a great idea. He said he would call me later to confirm. By the time 5pm rolled around, there was still no word from him. I hated having to reach out to him when it should be his responsibility but I also wanted to know if I should make other plans. He responded to my message with telling me that it is still looking good but that he is finishing up with some client issues. Fast forward or rather watching the time tick by to 7pm and still not one single word from this asshole. I contacted him again and yet another two hours go by and responds with, “I just ordered dinner in for my brother and myself.” What am I supposed to do with that? So I ask, “Does this mean you are coming into the city or not?” His reply, which is what sealed his coffin shut was, “I never said I was coming into the city. I have to take care of my brother.” That was it. I was so sick of him dangling the carrot before me. I had it with his lack of respect to me and my time. I told him that his communication skills suck. Not one response back. I spent the rest of my evening pissed off. I wasn’t sad or depressed but I was angry. Angry that I let him back in, angry that nothing had changed and angry that I allowed my time to be misused by someone that doesn’t respect me.
When I woke up the next morning there was a part of me that wasn’t done with Mr. Engineer yet. It would have been easy to just let his last text fade into the sunset but I didn’t want to let him off the hook that easily. I am confident enough in myself to know that it is ok to let a person know that they might have hurt my feelings or disappointed me. We are adults here and there is no need to name call but there is definitely a need to call someone out on their shit and I felt it was my duty to do so, so that he doesn’t treat others the way he treated me. I wrote an email to him letting him know that his lack of respect toward me and my time was not appreciated, how I was disappointed in how he treated me the second time around and that hopefully in the future for him that if he ever wonders why he is single…that all he has to do is think about his behavior and there lies his answer. It felt good to send it to him and it felt good to know that he got the message and while I got my closure I still felt “off.” So, I took this past Friday off in order to just have a “me” day and not think about Mr. Engineer or anyone else for that matter.
Thursday was a day I was looking forward to because it was payday and it was my Friday. The weekend had arrived and I was going to make the most of it. When I got done with work, I went to the gym and a friend of mine had been pushing me to go to a Happy Hour by myself. No friends. No armor. So, I took the advice and decided to go to a low key place and I didn’t want to leave my neighborhood so I ended up at, Posh. I was dressed cute, the hair turned out nice, I smelled good and I was feeling confident. I sat down and to my left this man that spoke in broken English asked me to sit on his lap. Strike one. After I declined his offer, I noticed there was an empty seat next to me so I scooted over to that chair and next to me was a rather handsome man and I noticed he was about to talk to me and he said, “I only like black men.” I told him, “Well, I am sorry but I am not black.” He got up and left. Strike two. Once that guy left his chair and older gentleman took his spot. I was ordering my second drink when the man tapped me on my arm and said, “How much?” And I was puzzled for I thought he was asking me how much the drinks were so when I said, “I think they are about six bucks.” He laughed and said that I was cheap but it finally registered that he was asking me how much it would be to have sex with me! But I have been wrong many times before so I asked just exactly he was asking for. He said, “I am asking how much it would cost for you to go home with me.” I said, that I wasn’t a hooker and left my six dollar drink on the bar, grabbed my coat and left. Strike three. After discovering that this evening was quickly becoming a bust, I thought to not throw in the towel just yet and went to Industry bar. I only stayed for one drink there for the crowd was forming into just friends and that wasn’t this night was about. I walked across the street to Therapy where there was one guy that looked handsome, so I sat next to him and before I could even ask him his name, he got up and moved to the opposite side of the bar. That was it. I was done with that experiment.
Friday I got up and I was ready to tackle the entire day. Laundry done, gym completed and finally it was time to do what I do best…shop! I was all over Manhattan and I even took myself out to lunch. If only everyone could have days like this to pamper themselves and just have themselves a day where they do whatever the hell they wanted. That evening I went over to my ex-boyfriend (we are friends now) and his partner’s apartment for some wine and catching up. I got home by 1am and was looking forward to sleeping in.
Saturday and had an amazing pilates session, showered and was beyond excited to meet some friends of mine for brunch whom I haven’t seen in months. However, I got the time mixed up and ended up getting to The Smith about a half hour late. Very typical but luckily I wasn’t any later than that. Drinks were ordered, we all caught each other up and it was just what was needed. I knew that this brunch could snowball into a long evening and my hunch was correct. After brunch I went back to my friends’ apartment for a bottle of wine and while the wine was being poured, my editor sent me an email asking me to attend some event the next day. The event was some matchmaking event that was being presented as the anti-speed dating. It would be very casual, from 5-8 at the bar, Bartini. I had no real plans the next day and was actually looking forward to not doing anything but I had no excuse. The bar was just down the street from me, I had no conflicting schedule and so I said that I would go but I am going in expecting nothing.
Once my friend and I were done with the wine, we met up with other friends of ours at Boxers in Chelsea. From there we thought it would be a grand idea to go to the John Dory for some champagne. Once we were there I thought that the evening would end and I would be getting home for a descent nights rest for even though I didn’t want to go to this matchmaking event, I also didn’t want to look like death. After several glasses of pink champagne, someone in the group suggested we go to this event called, Adonis, over in Midtown East. I have never heard of this event ever and wasn’t sure what to expect so we are in the cab heading over when my friend said it was where guys are hugely built and walk around and dance. So much for an early evening and as we arrived to the event and paid our entry fee, we were greeted by a muscle man in his underwear. As I looked around it was nothing but male dancers walking around in their underwear asking to go back to the champagne room. Our entire group declined their offers but by the time I realized it was almost 1am, I needed to leave. I was drunk but I had a good time with my friends.
Yesterday I woke up late. I slept in and I was so happy that this event wasn’t until the afternoon. That meant I had to time to pull myself together. I only told a few friends about what I was doing and all of their advice to me was to have a fun adventure or to go in with low expectations and to just go with the flow. Which is exactly what I did and as I got ready in my apartment with the music blasting I found myself not nervous but anxious about going to this. I arrived to the event at exactly 5pm for I didn’t want to miss a thing. I was greeted by this bouncy young man at the door who gave me my, “Hello My Name Is” name tag and I sat down. I decided not to start drinking just yet for I wanted to get a proper look at the men that were coming in. As the guests started to arrive, I actually pinched myself for the crowd was…well…not for me. It was a mixture of older and younger men and nothing really in the middle. It was time for that drink. I told myself that I can’t just leave but to give it a good effort. So, I smiled, shook hands and talked to these people. By the time 6pm had rolled around, everything changed. Suddenly the crowd grew bigger and the variety began to change. I was the belle of the ball. Never in my life had I ever had so many men pay attention to me. I couldn’t even keep up with the amount of business cards, phone numbers or men doing everything they could to buy me a drink when they saw I was running low. Each time I went to the bathroom a guy would grab me and ask that when I was done if I could please talk to him next. I managed to just stay in one spot (near the bar of course) and just let the men come to me. Which they did, even the host of the event said that he had never seen anyone receive so much attention. I knew that no one really was exactly my ideal type but we all know you are never going to get everything from one person and so I politely took everyone’s information as it was coming in but there was one guy who admitted to me that he was shy and put his card into my back pocket. He walked away but quickly came back and one of the first things he said to me was how he wanted children and that it was hard to find someone that wants those things. He has the career, the weekend house and just can’t seem to find a special person. Did my ears fool me? Did a guy just say to me that he wanted children? I did my best to focus on him and get to know him but I was being pulled in every direction. I decided it was my best bet to leave the party before I was the last one standing and as l left the bar, the guy that admitted he was shy came out to me and told me, “It was so nice to meet you. You were the best person here tonight.” I left that place feeling like I was worth a million bucks and I haven’t felt that good about myself in a long time. It proved to me that I still got it. There are men out there that still find me desirable and also that at least for that night only…respected me.
When I got home, I washed my face and settled in for the evening but thought about how courageous it was for that guy to chase me out of the bar to thank me for talking to him and so, I got his business card out and sent him a text telling him and told him how nice it was to meet him as well. His compliments continued on and finally he asked me out on a date and as of now…this Thursday I have my first date with him. I am glad that my friends gave me a little push to go out and experience this and I am also going to pat myself on the back for seeing it through. For the first time, I was the one dangling the carrot and they were following me. Now I know what all those hunks must feel like in bars, it was a little unsettling but it sure as hell did the trick to getting me back to where I need to be.
Whatever carrot that is dangling before us, we must always remember that if it is truly something that you want and believe in to never give up, to keep running and pushing yourself harder and harder for one day you will reach that carrot and you will always remember the journey it you took to get there.
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