"Update" NYC

The Future of the Future

As children all we want to do is play on the playground, no care in the world and we don’t even think for one second about what tomorrow will bring. As adults, we are programmed to start saving for the future, to invest our money wisely and to make sure we have a little nest egg for when we retire. We save for a future that we are uncertain of because we all know that we cannot predict what tomorrow will bring. Personally, I fall somewhere in the middle of all this. I don’t mind planning for the future even though my future is pretty much displayed in my closet and not in the bank. Yet as I get older I understand the value of having some sort of protection from what’s to come. I couldn’t help but wonder when it comes to the future, should we apply the same tools we use for investing our money to our relationships?

Last week was all about me figuring out my financial future and I told myself that this is the year that I am going to clean up all my mess and push forward for there is so many things I want to accomplish and it involves needing money for these goals. This past Thursday, work was actually slow, so I agreed to meet a guy for a lunch date (something I never do) but he works just right by me and I figured…we all have to eat at some point. We met at, Bill’s Bar and Burger on 51st Street. I wasn’t sure really what to expect, he is some sort of investment banking person and so there he was in a suit and tie and me in my jeans and sweater. We were not only dressed opposite but we were opposite in height. The man is 6’5!!! While I love a tall man, that might be even too tall for me. We got a table and quickly went right into our lives. Even though I kind of knew already the theme of this week’s blog about investing, I found it ironic that my date would be someone that is in the financial field. Somehow and someway, the topic turned to my finances and I found myself confessing all of my wrong doings when it came to my money. He provided me with a list of things to do, including cutting out coupons and I took it with a grain of salt. I certainly saw him more as a friend rather than something romantic. Maybe it was the financial talk that killed the mood, maybe it was me, maybe it was him but when you know…you just know.

Later that night, I met up with an old coworker, who is also a friend of mine, at Bar Veloce, in Cheslea for some wine and conversation. We are both in the same boat, except his boat is in search for a great woman and I am in search of a great man. The notes we compare are somewhat the same and it really just goes to show you that no matter what your sexual preference is…dating is dating and it can suck a great deal. After about three or four glasses of wine, we called it a night and all I can hope for is that my friend’s future is bright and that he meets a woman that is willing to invest her time in him.

The next day was a rather busy one for me. I took the day off and decided I was going to hit the pavement with getting my financial life in order. First step was to schlep deep into Brooklyn to visit my tax accountant and get those bad boys filed so that money can come in and I can begin to chip away at my future. After that was gym and then I barely had enough time to get ready for my third date with Mr. M. It was my turn to take him out to dinner, since the last time my debit card fell through a street grate. I must say that I was rather looking forward to it. It was no longer a first date that disappears into thin air. It was a third date; it is rare that I even get this far these days so I was hopeful to see where things were going to land.

The date landed itself at, VIV, a newish Thai restaurant on Ninth Avenue. I had been there a couple of times now and have had a great experience each time, so I suggested we meet there at 7:00. Conversation was nice, he was polite as can be and things were flowing but somehow, my feelings of romance began to fizzle and I started seeing him as a fun friend. I did my best to push those feelings aside because maybe it was me, maybe it was the topics we were discussing or maybe it was the simple fact that I liked him more as a friend. After dinner, we decided to go over to the bar, Hardware. Usually I don’t care to go to gay bars on dates because your date tends to lose focus or worse…you never know who the hell you are going to run into; especially, if you have been dating in Manhattan for almost two decades.

We enter the bar and he immediately notices a very good friend of his and his good friend was with someone as well. Turns out, Mr. M.’s very good friend is also someone that I had dated a couple of years ago. We had only gone on several dates and his good ended up dumping me at a BBQ restaurant so, this good friend and I also didn’t end on the best of terms. But that was awhile ago now, we are all adults and I knew Mr. M.’s friend wasn’t going to say how he knew me so I ended up confessing to him that his friend and I had dated for he could tell there was something in the air. We had a good laugh about it and I did my best to not make the situation anymore awkward than it already was. So, I began chatting up everyone and one by one the good friend and his other friend ended up leaving.  When the other person left, that is when I saw a side of Mr. M. that wasn’t prepared for.  He finished his drink and was angry with me. He began to grab his coat and told me that I was flirting with his friends and not paying attention to him and that he was going to go home. I was shocked and with that shock, I became angry for I would NEVER flirt with another person while on a date. And I wasn’t going to let my name go down in the mud as he left the bar. When we were outside, I told him that maybe in other areas of his life he is used to getting his way but acting like this will not be good for us whatsoever. We are too old to be acting like this and I needed to defend myself by saying that I wasn’t even attracted to either of them but that I, again, would never disrespect someone like that. He calmed down and even confessed that nobody really fights back with him and he appreciated it actually. He convinced me to go back to his apartment with him. When we got there, things began to heat up but for someone reason, I became detached. Maybe I hadn’t fully shaken off the disagreement we just had, maybe I found the whole attitude a turn off or maybe he is just more of a friend than a lover.

I woke up on Saturday thinking how it felt like it was already a long weekend and still had so many plans to get through. I found myself back on a train heading to Brooklyn but this time it wasn’t for finances but I was visiting a good friend of mine and her baby boy. I brought the ingredients to make Bellini’s so that our topics of conversation would consist of babies, Bellini’s and boys.  Before I could even take my coat off, that baby was in my arms and it was just the feeling that I was searching for. I spent several hours there before having to force myself to leave the baby and my friend to head back to the city. On my walk from my friend’s apartment back to the subway, I couldn’t help but think that THIS is why you invest your money. She had a baby, a beautiful apartment and real bear claw tub.

By the time I got back to the city, I barely had enough time to rest before I was getting ready for date number four with Mr. M. we agreed to this date because we both predicted that date number three was going to go so well. He had plans after dinner and so did I. So, this was going to be a short and sweet date and also would make the date for me to see exactly where my feelings stood. We met at Vinyl over on Ninth Avenue and had a nice dinner. Again, the conversation was fun but I didn’t feel romance. No butterflies, no spark and while others out there in the dating world don’t seek or need that. It is something I know that is required for me. After dinner, we went to Posh for one more drink before we needed to part ways. Once we went our respected ways, I knew that I needed to let him know where I stood sooner rather than later.

I was originally supposed to meet some friends of mine at Boiler Room but it changed locations to Industry.  I was so thrilled because it was beginning to snow and the last thing I wanted to do was try and get to the East Village from where I was at. I was the first to arrive and so I did what everyone else does these days in social settings where you don’t know a soul…I whipped out my phone. As I was flipping through my phone, there it was; the contact information for Mr. Engineer. I admit, we only had one fantastic date, there was certainly sparks and then his work got in the way and we sort of lost touch. Yes. He should have been the one reaching out to me once his work calmed down but I wasn’t sure where he stood anymore either. So, I sent him a text. I sent it with the thought that he probably has deleted me out of his contacts or that he won’t respond at all. He responded back within a minute saying hi. We exchanged a few more text messages and there was even a confession from him saying that he misses me. Whether or not I believe him, I guess his actions will have to match his words but hopefully they will-for this Thursday we have a second date scheduled. With one text message, suddenly, Mr. Engineer was present in my life again. What the future holds is something none of us know but maybe it was worth investing some time to find out what it can bring.

I woke up on Sunday all relaxed because I didn’t have anything to do but the gym and rest till meeting some friends to watch the Superbowl. I decided not to let Mr. M. know of how I felt because I didn’t want to ruin his day because like so many queens…he was looking forward to seeing Beyonce perform. The rest of the day was spent sending text messages back and forth with Mr. Engineer. I was satisfied with the attention and I was also happy just be able to relax for a bit with some friends before the work week would start again.

This morning, I sent the email to Mr. M.  and to the lunch date guy that I see more of a friendship developing rather than something romantic. Mr. M. and the lunch date guy responded and said they respected my honesty and that they are open for friendship. It sucks to have to send those and believe me, I have been on the other side of those emails more times than I care to count but being honest and respecting someone’s time is far more important than giving someone false hope.

The Future of the Future is still unknown. Sometimes when we don’t know where the future will take us is when the most amazing things can happen. It is, of course, better to be safe than sorry especially when it comes to investing financially for your future. No one wants to see their hard earned money go down the toilet but in the same token…no one wants to see their heart go down in flames either. Investing is tricky, complicated and volatile but if you don’t invest in your future whether that is for your 401K or with putting yourself out there in the dating world…you may never see results.

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1 Comment

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