"Update" NYC

Let There Be Light

Have you ever experienced those moments in life when
you just couldn’t figure out why your life was such chaos? You felt like you
were walking in the dark and there was no light to be found. You were stumbling
through life in complete and utter darkness. You couldn’t find the light and
then one day, when you were least expecting it. Your light bulb went on above
your head and you got it. You actually discovered why everything that was
happening to you was happening for a certain reason. It was leading you to the
light; you were finally able to see what was right in front of you all along.
We all need light in our lives whether that is in actual terms or speaking
metaphorically. Darkness serves great purpose in all our lives because eventually
it will lead to your own personal light. Without the darkness you can never
appreciate the light (again in actuality and metaphorically).

This past week, I felt like I was in such darkness that I couldn’t even see my
own hands in front of me. I simply couldn’t find my light but I did my best to
hide it because it is the holiday season and I have so much to be grateful for.
Last Tuesday, as my Maid of Honor duties continued for Feather’s wedding, a few
of us all managed to get together that night where the reception was going to
be held to set up for the big day. As Feather’s gave us all directions on how
he wanted things to look, how he wanted the plates set and even telling me
where the water glass is to actually be set on the table, it finally hit me
that my very first friend in New York is getting married. Not only was he
getting married to a great guy but they both wanted me to play a big part in
their day. Now I really understood why they call it “Maid of Honor”
because it was such an honor to be a part of this journey with them. After
everything was all setup, we all walked over to Feather’s favorite dinner spot,
Dallas BBQ, where we then decided to call that, their rehearsal dinner. Once
dinner was done, we all jumped in a cab, went home and got rest for we had an
early call time the next day aka The Wedding Day.

My alarm went off at 5am and I’m not that much of a morning person but today I
didn’t care. I went to the gym, then got dressed and headed down to Chelsea to
pick up Feather’s and his future husband. I was, of course, running a few
minutes behind but luckily they were too. Most New Yorkers will tell you that
they know how to navigate around the city like the back of their hand but ask
them about getting around down in the Wall Street area and chances are, they
will say that it confuses the hell out of them. There would be two more friends
of ours joining us for the ceremony that morning and those two lovely ladies
were there before we got there and got a place in line for us. Seeing that this
particular date was a special one (12-12-12), it seemed like everyone in New
York wanted to get married that day. The line was wrapped outside and let me
tell you, every kind of couple you could think of was there. There were
straight, gay, old, young and even a few mail order brides and then you had us.
The anticipation was exciting and just seeing everyone around us, everyone was and
looked happy. They all looked like it really was the happiest day of their
lives. You could really feel the love at City Hall that day. As we waited for
our number to be called, there was a part of me that was getting nervous.
Finally. Our number was called. We went into this room and we were introduced
to the man that would be performing the service, a wonderful man named
McSweeney. As he began to read the vows, I knew I would get teary eyed but the
one person that surprised me the most was Feathers. Someone that is not known
to show emotion of that nature suddenly showed his vulnerable side. He embraced
his marriage, the moment and his tears presented themselves. It was sweet, it
was romantic and it was yet another testament that these two people should be

After the ceremony, we took a few pictures by City Hall but as the couple was about
to take a photo, we looked up and a rainbow appeared out of the sky. It hadn’t
rained at all that day; in fact there wasn’t even a cloud in the sky. But there
was a rainbow over looking all of us. Once the photos were done we all went to
a Starbucks to get some mochas and of course, we weren’t going to be satisfied
with just plain old mochas. Nope. We needed to spice these bad boys up, so
Feathers pulled a bottle of peppermint schnapps out of his bag and made our
drinks Irish. Feathers wanted to visit every single borough before we had to go
the reception later in the evening and so with our spiked mochas, we jumped on
the Staten Island Ferry. It was also marking my first time ever riding the
ferry and while we were trailing along, I received an email. It was from Mr.
D., the man I had three dates with and on our fourth date, he simply never
showed up. I knew he could come back, they always do, just wasn’t sure when.
This was a guy who left me in the dark. I couldn’t figure out why he never
showed up for our date and so I read the email. It was him apologizing for
disappearing and then he gave me the generic excuse of being new to the city,
new job, new apartment and how I am great guy but friendship is all he could
offer me at this time. I didn’t want to take away from this joyous day, so I
put the phone away and decided I would deal with it the next day.

Once we came back from Staten Island, we then walked across the Brooklyn Bridge
and had pizza at, Grimaldi’s. After lunch, we then jumped in a cab back to
Manhattan where we would pick up our friends car and drive to Bayside, Queens.
We picked up our friend’s mother and had a beer at their local bar. After our
beer, we all then got on the Long Island Railroad heading back to the city. We
got to Feather’s apartment to freshen up, walk the dogs and then get in a cab
to head over to the reception. The reception was to be held at Feather’s boss’s
home on Madison Avenue. As the guests started to arrive, it was simply an
intimate cocktail hour followed by dinner and cake. Everyone looked amazing,
they put on their finest and there were speeches both emotional and comical. I
believe it was just what the happy couple wanted. Seeing that my day started at
5am and we were literally all over city, I was beginning to fade by 11. I gave
everyone a hug and a friend that lives right by me shared a cab back home with
me. I went to bed that night exhausted but extremely happy.

The next day and it was back to reality and I was finally ready to respond to
Mr. D.’s email. My response was short and sweet but I felt it was my duty to
let him know that his actions toward me were not acceptable. You are almost 40
years old so therefore you should act with some maturity. I told him that I
hope his journey here in New York is a great experience, I congratulated him on
his new job and told him that while it was nice of him to offer his friendship
that I have more than enough friends and that is best to not contact me
anymore. Seeing that he left me in the dark and I didn’t know what I did to
deserve such treatment, my light went on and if he is capable of doing that to
me than he really isn’t someone that is worthy of what I have to offer someone
in a relationship.

When I woke up on Friday, I was excited. I was excited for so many reasons. It
was pay day, I had a party that I was looking forward to that night and I was
also excited because I would be seeing someone at this party that I was
wondering if anything was going to be developed from. My friend two Fridays prior
decided that she knew this guy that would be great for me. So, she had brought
him to a holiday party and he became The Fix Up guy. The Fix Up guy and I had
begun the courtship, which these days equals someone texting you back and
forth. The text messages were now borderline flirtatious and on that Friday,
the day of the party, he sent me a text message asking me if I was going to the
party still and if I had my leg warmers ready (the party was 80’s themed). I
responded that I will see him there and left it at that.

Before the party, I quickly squeezed in a workout and then got ready in my 80’s
garb. Headed over to the East Village to visit my friend who was responsible
for the fix up, she was hosting a pregame before we all headed out to the party.
Once everyone showed up, we headed over the bar, Pyramid, where the party was
being held. I was more than ready to let my inner 80’s child come out and play.
The music was great, there was a professional photographer taking fun photos and
everyone was there. After a shot of tequila and a Bud Light, I was ready to go
and so began the night. After about an hour or so after our arrival, that is
when the Fix Up guy walked in. I didn’t see him at first; he saw me and quickly
gave me a hug and kiss. I didn’t want to show how excited I as to see him but I
had such a good feeling about the evening. He quickly grabbed me and suggested
we take a photo together, so we took two photographs together and then began
dancing. I had just enough to drink that my confidence level was just where it
needed to be to ask him if he wanted to come to a party I was going to the next
day. He said, it sounded like fun and to count him in. I couldn’t believe how
well this was all falling into place. We were dancing, flirting and he just agreed
to go to a party with me. Things were definitely looking up. I was dividing my
attention between him and my friends and he was doing the same. I don’t know
what time of the night it was but we were all on the dance floor and I was
giving it my all when I turned around and I was shocked. Suddenly the Fix Up
guy was no longer dancing with me but with another guy who had more muscles
than I , taller than I and must have had more to offer than I. I didn’t even
recognize this strange guy that came in front out of nowhere. The next thing I
know, the Fix Up guy grabbed his coat, along with the mystery guy and they left
the party together. He didn’t even say goodbye to me and as of now…I have not
heard a word from him. My friend saw the whole thing go down on the dance floor
and quickly grabbed me, order another drink and suddenly I wanted to leave. I
was embarrassed and humiliated. We grabbed our coats and went to the bar, Urge.
When we got there, it was already late; I was in a funk and all I wanted to do
was go home. We didn’t even finish our beers at the bar and I shared a cab with
a friend home.

There it was. The next morning text from my friend who had done the fixing up
and asking how my night was. I filled her in on the details and all she could
do was apologize profusely. It wasn’t anything she had done. This is yet another
grown ass man and acting like he is a 25 year old. Of course, it was an
embarrassing thing for me to experience and having it done in front of my
friends was also rather a not so pleasant experience but luckily they were
there for me, as always. That night I had two parties to attend but I was
letting the previous nights events get to me. Maybe I was letting it all get to
me. I was letting Mr. D.’s email get to me and now I was letting the Fix Up guy
ruin my weekend. I sent a text message to my friend who I was going to be going
to the party with if he would be upset if I just canceled and stay in for the
night. He was understanding but also pushed for me to not let these jerks get
me down and that we would make a fun night out of it. He was right; it was the
push I needed to get my ass in gear. So, I told him that I would go out and
meet him at the first party around 6pm.

It was an oddly warm evening in the city that night and so I decided to walk. I
walked from Hells Kitchen all the way to the West Village where the first party
was going to be. It was a party thrown by this lovely German couple and just a
few friends, some cocktails and cookies. I got there almost two hours after the
party started and it was a relaxed gathering and so I tried to make talk with
some of the new faces there and as I was waiting for my friend to arrive I
heard the doorbell ring. When I looked up I was taken aback for it was an ex
boyfriend of mine that I hadn’t seen in over a year. How on earth is this
happening? How did he even know this couple? How is that I am not drunk yet at
this party to get me through it? I made sure to stay in the kitchen while my
ex, his new boyfriend and the friends he brought all migrated over into the
living room. I managed to stay in the kitchen and avoid him for a good portion
of the party until everyone wanted to go into the living room to mingle. Damn
it. Well, it quickly became a scene right out of high school. My ex stayed on
one side of the living room with his friends and I stayed on the other side
with mine. FINALLY, my friend showed up, we had one more drink and we were out
of there. As we were leaving, I could hear them begin talking about me but I
chose to just keep walking and ignore the entire situation.

So far, this night was turning into a bust but I had my friends and we were off
to pick up another friend of ours in Chelsea before heading onto the second
party. Seeing that it was still on the early side of the evening, we decided to
get some dinner at this place called, Co. It was just four of us when two more
friends of ours called and said they were in the neighborhood and we quickly
changed tables and now we are a table of six, drinks, delicious food and of
course laughter. Had my evening ended right there, I would have been perfectly
content. It was a great dinner amongst my friends and I couldn’t be happier.
Suddenly things didn’t seem so dark. However, we couldn’t just end the night
there for we did commit to our friends birthday party on the Upper West Side.
So, after dinner, we all parted different ways but three of us headed to the
Upper West Side to a bar called, Candle Bar. Apparently, it is one of the
city’s oldest gay bars but seeing that none of us have no reason to ever go to
the Upper West Side, it is a bar that we don’t ever frequent. We arrive and the
party and it is in full swing, we don’t really know anyone there except for the
birthday boy. As my friend and I are standing around drinking, I noticed a
rather tall man standing next to me. He kind of reminded me of the Brawny man.
So, I decided I will do what I do best and I struck up a conversation with this
man. I asked him his name and what he did before he came to the party. The man
said, “Do you really want to know?” I said, “Well yes. That is
why I asked the question.” I wasn’t expecting the story he told me but
this man went onto say that he had this fuck buddy that called him up and was
going to pick him up in this car to head over to another party in Harlem. So,
this man, the fuck buddy all head over to Harlem. Turns out, it really wasn’t a
party, it was two guys already there having sex in this living room. This guy
continued with his story by saying that not only was he watching this couple
have sex but he didn’t know what he liked more…the couple that was having sex
or the fact that his favorite movie was playing in the background, the movie, Who Framed Roger Rabbit. After he finished his story, he asked, “Now are you still glad you asked the
question of what I did before this party?” My friend that I was with LOVED the story, I, on the other hand could only muster up the response of, “We went to dinner before this.” I didn’t really know what else to say.

It was becoming apparent that my Saturday night was becoming quite the mixed bag.
Two more friends of ours joined us at Candle Bar and after a few drinks; we
decided that it was time to move onto another bar. We all jumped into a cab and
headed over to the new bar, Hardware. I was glad that we were actually heading
back into Hells Kitchen for I knew that once we were done I could just walk my
drunk ass home. And this is exactly what I did around 3 am.

Shockingly enough, I woke up on Sunday morning not hungover at all. Yes. I was
tired but not feeling like death plus I knew I had brunch plans later so I
needed to pull myself together. Showered and headed down to the Lower East Side
to this spot called, Sons of Essex. I was meeting two girlfriends of mine and
we each gave each other the rundown of our weekends and the latest with our dating
lives. After brunch, all three of us go our separate ways and I, still feeling
rather in the dark decided that maybe the only way to get me out of this funk
is to buy something. So, I did just that and I went shopping even though the
weather outside was cold and rainy. After a few purchases, I managed to
actually find a seat at a Starbucks in Chelsea to begin writing the blog. After
a friend stopped in to say hi, I knew I was ready to end this weekend and head
home. I got home, took a hot shower and finished up my work and did what most
New Yorkers do on Sundays when the weather is shit. I ordered in takeout and
watched bad TV.

Seeing that this year is almost over with and Santa probably will not be
delivering a quality guy under the tree this year. I couldn’t help but reflect
on the year and all the men that came down my path. They all came in my life
for a reason and luckily I know the reason. These men came into my life, not to
break my heart, not for me to break theirs and none of it was a failure. None
of it was a failure because the reason that these things happen to me or to any
of us single people out there is because when we do find our match, it will
make us appreciate this person all that much more.

In this day and age and of course, in the most recent tragedy in Connecticut, everyone
is feeling left with heaviest of hearts. Now more than ever is the time to believe in
the Light and not the Darkness. Light is positive, Light is love, Light is
kindness and Light is universal. Whatever your nationality is, whatever your
religious beliefs are and whatever you believe is right or what is wrong, now
is when you need to push all of it aside and trust that only one thing matters
the most right now is loving the person next to you. I am not the most religious
person but it was no coincidence that I found this today as I was writing this
blog and so I will end with this. It comes from the third verse of the, Book of
Genesis, in the, King James Bible and it says:

“1:3 – And God said, Let There Be Light: and there was Light.”
“1:4 – And God saw the Light, and it was good; and God divided the Light
from the Darkness.”

Love yourself. Love your neighbor. Show this world and yourself just how much
Light you have to offer and shut out the darkness.

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