"Update" NYC

Second Chances

Could you imagine that for every mistake you make that somehow, someway you were given a second chance to make the wrong a right? I am not even talking about something dramatic as affairs or getting arrested. I am talking about even the simplest of situations. That person you flipped off while driving just because you were in a hurry or how rudely you treated the person behind the counter at your local Starbucks because your special latte wasn’t made fast enough. Second chances are designed so that you can fix the mistakes that you might have made so when given the opportunity you feel you did all you could to make the best out of your situation.

For some strange reason, last week was all about the second chances for the men in my life. Last Monday, I had agreed to meet up with the guy that I had met at the wine bar before Thanksgiving for a few reasons. One of the reasons being was that he is a great conversationalist. I enjoyed talking about our writing process, art and our future goals in life. I found him stimulating both personally and physically. So, when he invited me over last Monday for some wine I was relieved that my schedule was free to take him up on his offer. I arrived at his apartment around 8 o’clock and wasn’t even sure if our meeting was going to be as spontaneous as the last one. He had text earlier in the day about how much he was looking forward to seeing my smile and I must say it was a nice message to receive. As I rode the elevator up to his penthouse, I noticed that I wasn’t nervous and felt like maybe I had the upper hand here even though I was meeting on his turf. I knocked on his door and I was greeted with a big hug and an even bigger kiss. It was very passionate. I sat down and began pouring the wine and so began our conversation while the classical music played, candles lit and it was all just so romantic. We talked for a few hours and after a few glasses of wine the situation presented itself in the bedroom.

After all was said and done we began talking, he kept telling me how comforting he finds himself with me and how much fun he is having. Suddenly, I felt as if this wasn’t just a hook-up thing but that he might be wanting something more from me. I wasn’t closed off to the possibility but I was laying there naked (which I hate doing) and felt rather exposed. As we continued talking, he mentioned a reference to the movie, Footloose, and I told him how much I love that movie. He said, “You are too young to remember that movie.” To which I replied with, “Unfortunately, I am not too young to remember that movie, besides you and I are not that far off in age.” As soon as the words left my mouth, my dating instincts kicked in and I knew he had lied to me. I confronted him and said, “You lied to me about your age didn’t you.” He said, “Damn, you really are good at this stuff. Yes. I am sorry. I did lie about my age. I really am 48.” Seeing that he originally told me he was 39 and now he is jumping almost an entire decade of difference I was instantly pissed. He didn’t even give me the chance to be ok with his age or not. When someone lies, even as something as silly trivial as age, the mind begins to wonder about what else they could be lying about and had I never confronted him about it would he ever tell me the truth? I know people lie about their age all the time, which I feel is a shame. Do we like getting older? No. But we are adults and lying just make us come across as childish. So I did what any person in my situation would do. I excused myself, went to the bathroom opened his medicine cabinet and reviewed all the prescription pills that were in there. Turns out, not only does this man like to lie about his age but he also needs a lot of assistance with keeping a good mood courtesy from his local pharmacy. I came back from the bathroom and he wanted to go at it again and said the words to me, “This time make take a little bit longer since I am older I need more time to get there.” This was his second chance and this is how it presented itself. I walked over to get my clothes and he asked where I was going. I said, “Home. I am going home. You lied to me about your age and I just don’t care for the lying.” He apologized and said, “Well I don’t look 48.” All I could think about and said to him was, “You may not look 48 but you lying makes you act like you are about 25.” He was disappointed and I could tell he would probably go into a depression based on some of the stories he had shared with me. This was a second chance that I was glad I caught before it was to go any further.

The next day on Tuesday, I was in full wedding planning mode. I have been helping plan Feathers wedding which as of today is only several days away. I secretly was getting into character as, Jennifer Lopez in the movie, The Wedding Planner, but let’s just say that the only thing we have in common is that we are both Latin. There is no Matthew McConaughey anywhere to be found in this scene but I met with Feathers, his fiancé and another friend of ours at, Flight 151, in Chelsea to go over some details for the upcoming nuptials. Afterwards, I left feeling excited knowing that this event is going to be happening for the both of them and that I am honored to be a part of it.

On Wednesday, I received an email from my ex. And ex that not only did I date but that I also lived with. It has been six years since we ended and let’s just say the ending was dramatic and ugly. So, when he sent me an email asking to see me again my mind instantly began to wonder a million things and of course they all boiled down to, “Why does he want to see me again?” I told him that Friday would be best for me and we can meet after work for a drink or even coffee. He said he was looking forward to seeing me and would get in touch with me later in the week with details.

By the time Friday rolled around, I hadn’t heard from my ex, however, on Thursday he did manage to tell me he attended a holiday party and got rather drunk. All during Friday, I was questioning about whether or not giving him a second chance would be in my best interest. Maybe he had changed. Maybe he wanted to say he made an awful mistake and that this second time would be totally different. I had no idea what to expect but two hours before we were to meet I received an email from him. His email said, “I am sorry to do this but my stomach has been acting up and I have been taking Tums but nothing is working. I am going to have to cancel.” He should have NEVER told me that he went to a party the night before because I knew exactly what he did. He chose alcohol over our meeting. It was just the jolt I needed to snap me back into reality. He hasn’t changed one bit. He is still choosing the drink over me and he couldn’t even hold himself together the night before. I took a deep breath before I responded to his email. I thought about going the nice route and telling him that I hope he feels better and that maybe we can reschedule for a later time but I had hit my limit. Here I was, being kind enough to give this man a second chance and this is how I am getting repaid? No way. I opened up his email again, wrote two words that I have never sent to someone before and those words were: FUCK OFF. I hit send and I knew I did the right thing but not allowing this man back in my life. His second chance was also his last.

I admit I was disappointed at how this Friday was turning out and there was a part of me that was sad that my ex hadn’t changed over the past six years but it was also no longer my problem to care. So, I did what anyone in my situation would do. I contacted my crew to see what kind of trouble we could cause. We started out at, Boxers, which then led to Barracuda, followed by Rawhide and ending with me in a cab past 3 a.m. for home. I am so thankful that my friends know how to have a good time and are always there to help pick up the pieces when needed.

When I woke up on Saturday morning, I oddly enough didn’t have a hangover, ok; maybe I was a little bit fuzzy but certainly not feeling sick or anything. I managed to run a billion errands during the day before getting ready for our annual, Friendsgiving. A few of us have been doing this for eight years now. Friends get together and celebrate Thanksgiving all over again for those that were with family instead of friends. Each year is always different with who is hosting, the food we will be bringing and what games will be played. This year, a dear friend of ours was hosting along with her fiancé. The food was, of course, excellent, the wine was delicious and we all ended up playing a great game of, Apples to Apples. When I got home I was drunk, full and happy.

On Sunday, I was to have a date with Mr. D., the last time I physically saw him was about two weeks ago after the porn opera fiasco. To me, this would also be his second chance at getting some one on one time with each other. However, the night before during Friendsgiving, he sent a text message to me explaining that his friend from Philly was coming into town unexpectedly and that if we could play our date by ear. I told him that I understand about friends coming first and that if he needed to be with her, it is totally understandable but that my only free night after Sunday is this Monday and after that I no longer have any free days. He said he would get in touch with me and so he did yesterday. He said he was very appreciative of the fact that I understood about his friend’s situation and that Monday would be great to hang out. So, as of now, I am to be having a date with Mr. D. Let’s see what he comes up with. I took my now given free Sunday to run more errands, write and relax for the week ahead will be a rather busy one socially.

Second chances. They are a gift and some might even call it an honor to receive such a chance in life. I do believe that how we treat others will only come back to bite you in the ass when you least expect it. So maybe this week in our jobs, school, our relationships and even in our day to day living, we should see that our second chances as something of a blessing rather than taking advantage of the situation. Thinking about making your wrong a right this time instead of believing that there will be another opportunity around the corner…Live your second chance as if it is your last chance.

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