Keeping the Faith
Face it. We all have had those moments in life where nothing is going right. You aren’t meeting your deadlines at work, you just finished getting a manicure and you chip a nail or you stand in line forever at the bar only to find out that they have ran out of vodka. Last week there was something in the air, for some reason everyone I knew was just simply having a shitty week. Whether it was with their relationships, work or ruining their diet. The stars simply were not aligned.
As last week came to a close it got me thinking about faith. Faith is something most of us rely on in order to get us through our tough times in life but rarely do we find ourselves thanking the higher ups for what the universe is giving us when it is in our favor. I am not a person that goes to church every Sunday but rather more on the side of each and every single morning while taking a shower, I just kind of say my own little prayer before the day really starts. I say how thankful I am for another day of life, to help my loved ones and those in need and that we all get to our destinations in peace.
Last Friday was no exception to how I started my day but during the work day it was fallout out annoying. Everything that could go wrong did and all I wanted to do was get the hell out of that office so I could be with my friends and wash the week away. By the time 6 o’clock rolled around you could actually see my dust as I left everyone behind. I knew I would not be hearing from Mr. B. this weekend for he was going upstate with the boy and he also needed a break from the week.
So, my first pit stop was going to the John Dory, where my friend is a manager there. I wanted to pop in and say hi and I had another friend there that was shaking her equally shitty week away with a much needed glass of wine. I couldn’t stay long for I needed to make my way over to the East Village in order to meet up with my girlfriend. This particular night was going to be rather different for us. You see, we would be meeting this guy she had been seeing for about a month now for the first time. I wasn’t sure what to expect, I had heard all about him, of course. But you never really can tell if you will like this person or if it will turn out to be one of those awkward evenings. Turns out, not only did he like our favorite dive bar, Sly Fox, but he was cute and extremely friendly. This dude was scoring points with us left, right and center. I also called along some of my friends to join along for the ride. Turns out…they also had a shitty week.
After many cocktails at Sly Fox, we all migrated over to the Scottish pub called, Shoolbred’s and there I believe we had a beer (things were getting a little fuzzy by this time) and afterwards the gays all decided that we wanted to close the night at, Boiler Room, at this point I received a text from my girlfriend that her and the dude took off to another bar. Fair enough, the new dude had just met us, no sense in subjecting him to a gay dive bar on his first night meeting us. I was having such a good time and it was as if the whole nasty week had never happened. However, I looked at my watch and it was almost 4 am!!! We all looked at each other and while the bar was still in full swing, we knew we needed to call it a night. I grabbed the first cab available and took my tired drunk ass home.
Waking up the next day was not particularly fun but I knew that I did this to myself so there was no pity party for me. I felt like ass, I was exhausted and when I looked in the mirror it looked like the M11 bus ran over me and kept on driving. I had so much to do that day so I pulled out all the hangover tricks in the book. I put frozen spoons under my eyes, drank a ton of coconut water and ran for about two miles to sweat it out while my clothes were simultaneously in the dryer. After I managed to feel slightly like myself again, I rushed down to the Lower East Side to meet up with a friend of mine for coffee which was then followed by us seeing the movie, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, a movie that is highly recommended. We laughed, we cried and afterwards I felt slightly exhausted. We said our goodbyes and off to run some errands before taking another shower, change of clothes and to the Chelsea area to pick up my friend.
My friend needed me. He needed a friend actually just to keep him distracted for he is suffering from a broken heart. I have faith in my friend, not only will his heart heal but he will also find happiness again. But it is a process and it is emotions so it is not a simple as turning on and off a light switch. It takes patience and I explained to him that one day you will wake up and you will feel like yourself again. Of course, when I picked him up to take him out, I didn’t realize that he hadn’t seen his exes Facebook profile and the updates and so, after my big mouth spilled the beans, it was also my job to help pick up the spilled news I had accidentally let out of the bag. We had a few drinks at Barracuda and I think it made him feel slightly better. But no matter the size of your support group, only our individual selves can mend the broken heart. It was still early enough that I decided to take the subway rather than a cab and as I thought about how much it hurt me to see my friend so down that I knew I didn’t need to feel sorry for him but rather put faith in him that no matter what happens. It happens for a reason and that he will bounce back from this, like we all do when a romance ends.
When I woke up yesterday, I began to question my own faith. As a kid, I was baptized Catholic but never really practiced and I as got older I questioned so many things about religion and what it all means. I have always believed in a higher power, whatever that is or what we want to call it, for it freaks me out to think that this is all there is. I had a lot to do yesterday. I took my laptop to Tekserve so that they can teach me how to “back-up”. An act that I have never done to my computer and finally it was getting to the scary point where my disk was full and was at risk of losing every single song and everything I have ever written. Afterwards, I found myself in a church on 23rd Street. It was a tiny church that I have walked by a million times but my body was drawn to walk inside. I sat at the back while I watched a choir practice hymns. It was nice. It was peaceful. I lit a candle, said a prayer and walked over to the Murray Hill area.
You see, the sweaty guy I had a date with a week and a half ago, wanted to see me again. He asked me on Thursday if we could meet at a sports bar in order to watch college football. I didn’t even go to college so I really could give two shits about college football but it was a distraction and he deserved a second chance and maybe now that it wasn’t that hot out, he would show up not so sweaty. I should have known better that we only had each other’s email addresses and never exchanged phone numbers. Granted with these smart phones, you can reach anyone whether it is via text, phone call or email. So, for all those people out there not responding…we are on to you. You have received the message and how you choose to respond is your own karma. So, I show up to the sports bar and it is your typical Murray Hill establishment. The guys are all wearing over sized jersey’s, bad shoes and you can tell they hadn’t even bothered to shower from the previous night of drinking beers while trying to hit on twenty-something girls. I stood out like a sore thumb and lucky for me, I found a corner spot that had an open table and chair. I rushed over there, ordered some beer that was created toward the fall season that had hints of pumpkin and wheat. I waited and waited some more. The first beer was gone and I was onto my second one when I realized that I was being stood up. I emailed McSweaty (he told me on our first date he is Irish) and no response. I emailed him again and once again…no response. I decided that after a beer and a half to leave. So, I started my walk back home back to the west side. Along the way, feeling only slightly deflated, I began to question my faith in relationships. A little fun fact about me and that is before every single date I go on, I say something out loud to the universe that to not only to let this date go well but that it doesn’t end in some typical dating disaster. Sometimes the universe hears me and sometimes it likes to give me writing material as I like to see it rather than a heinous experience. As I was pondering whether or not I am actually cut out for dating, I stumbled upon this old lady that was sitting on a fold out chair offering palm readings for only five bucks. So, I checked to see if I even had five bucks on me and wouldn’t you know as fate or rather “faith” would have it. I had the money. So I placed the five dollar bill on her table, held out my left palm and let her do the work. I knew not to put a whole lot of faith in what she was telling me but it kept my mind busy for about fifteen minutes from thinking about the fact that a 35 year old man is out there still standing people up. I thanked her for the reading, grabbed my bags and went straight into my apartment and decided to not leave it until I had to go to work today.
Before I went to sleep last night, I thought about the many titles of what to call this week’s entry. I toyed with “Losing My Religion” and “Like a Prayer” (duh) but I decided that this isn’t about religion but rather about faith. To me there is a big difference between religion and faith. Faith can be whatever belief system you create whereas religion is organized. It has been written already, we just need to follow the book. If only life was that easy. You are given a book, you read it, and you study it and let life do the rest. But life doesn’t work that way. It is messy and it is our jobs to clean it up. There are so many religions out there and it is not my position at all to decide what works and doesn’t work for people. However, in my journey I have found that most religions all have one thing in common and this common law is: Treating others as you would want to be treated. You would think that it is a simple task but it is one of the hardest things to do. Face it. We all judge, we can’t help it. What we can help is acknowledging when we are doing it and you will find yourself doing it less and less.
Whatever your belief system is make sure that one thing you have in life is faith in yourself. Faith that with all your hard work, the things that will happen to you in this life all happen for a reason. We may not get the reasons delivered to us right away but you will realize that having this faith will make the tough times seem a little easier. A friend of mine asked me this past weekend, after all my dating experiences why do I keep putting myself out there when I am setting myself up for failure.
The answer is simple:
Because I have faith that one day someone will love me…flaws and all.
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