Green Acres Is The Place For…Me?
While I wasn’t born when the show, Green Acres, was televised; I did manage to catch the reruns on TV. I actually loved how in the show Eva Gabor was being dragged from her New York City life to the country life due to her husband’s desires to be a farmer. A decision that I am fortunate that I am not faced with but you never know what the future holds.
The beginning of this past week was filled with nothing but work. However, once we got closer to the weekend that is when the social life started to pick-up. On Thursday, I decided to meet up with a friend of mine in the Meat Packing District at the Standard Biergarten. Two more friends of mine showed up and it just was one of those insanely hot, humid days in the city where the last thing you wanted to do was be inside your tiny apartments sweating your ass off. So, after a few cocktails then it was time to move onto the next spot, Le Bain, also at the Standard and while the view of the city was amazing, the view of the crowd was not. So we left and decided to try Brass Monkey to cool off with a much needed beer. After the beer, I could tell it was not going to be one of those late nights and so we all agreed to go over to Bill’s Burger and have some tasty treats. Once the dinner bill was settled, we all got home our separate ways and in the end, I was glad we didn’t go crazy that night for it was nice waking up on Friday and not feeling hung over.
I woke up on Friday feeling excited. I was giddy because for three days I would be going over to my friend, Feathers and his partner’s country house in Demascus, Pennsylvania. This trip was also going to be different for this would be the first time that I would be bringing along someone that I am seeing. This would also mark my first ever county fair. In all my years, I have never been to one, of course, I have heard about them and seen photos, etc. But this was going to be my first experience with one.
Like all travel trips, I am cursed. Something will and has always gone wrong. I don’t know why it happens but it is just the way it goes. So when things usually go awry, the saying usually goes like this, “Oh, this never happens. It is because Alex is with us.” So that was pretty much the theme this past weekend. We all met at Feather’s apartment in Chelsea at 3:30, (I was only five minutes late this time) and by the time I got there, Mr. Architect was introducing himself to my friend who was also joining us on the trip. We all helped pack up the truck to begin our journey out to the country.
By the time we got on the West Side Highway, there was major traffic. Of course, it wasn’t the normal traffic on a Friday afternoon but rather a hellish traffic jam. And so the bad luck begins. That didn’t stop us from talking the entire four hours it took us to get there when it normally the drive only takes two and a half hours. As we got to Wal-Mart (the only store in the area), we all gathered groceries for the weekend and as the bad luck would continue; there was only two cashiers in the entire store. While all the groceries were bagged and put into the cart the only thing left to do was to pay. As Feather’s was trying to pay, the entire machine where you swipe your credit card broke off it’ stand and caused the line behind us to get longer and longer. I just got an icy look from Feather’s that translated to say, “Only with you Alex does this shit happen.” After we settled on payment back in the truck we went and off to their house.
As we entered their driveway, we all noticed that there really was no driveway left for a huge tree had fallen out of the ground and landed onto not only the middle of their driveway and also onto their fence. The silver lining was that no one was hurt; the tree didn’t hit the house or their truck. This was a first for me. I had never seen a fallen tree and it was a mess. I didn’t even bother to look at Feather’s or his partner face for I knew it was the last thing that they wanted to deal with, especially with guests and so we all decided to unpack the truck and make the most of the short evening we had left due to the hellish traffic jam we just experienced. They gave us the grand tour of the finished house. Beautiful deck that they built themselves, new furniture, we checked on their swans in the lake and of course, Mr. Architect was fascinated with the house from the inside and out. This adventure with Mr. Architect, I wasn’t concerned with at all. It had all the elements that speak to him. We were in the country, at a country house, in a field where there was deer and all sorts of wildlife. He definitely got comfortable fast. It always takes me a second to adjust to the country life when I go and visit. Cell phone service is gone, it is insanely quiet and you never know what kind of furry creature will be showing up at the doorstep.
Once dinner was served, the wine was poured and we were all seated; I noticed everyone just settled into relaxation mode. Feathers, his partner and our girlfriend got to know Mr. Architect more and it was just so refreshing to see him in this environment. I also had in the back of my head, this wondering thought if he remembered that the next day was our three month anniversary of us dating. After we cleared the dinner plates and watched a few videos on the TV; it was time for bed because we had an awfully big day ahead of us. We were also all secretly or maybe not so secretly, dreading the idea of having to help our friends’ move a giant tree from their driveway.
We all ended up sleeping in and by the time we got up, there really wasn’t any time for us to all get ready and move a tree. So, the county fair outweighed the removal of the tree. All of us got ready in somewhat record time (except for me) and off to the county fair we went.
On the drive there, we all talked about what we all were excited to see and also not knowing what we were about to experience. Finally, after a twenty minute drive we were there. We were entering the Wayne County Fair. We saw the balloons, the ferris wheel already in motion and the smell of farm animals through country air. As we got inside, we didn’t know what to do first, there was a schedule of events and we were not leaving until we had seen them all. However, the first thing I really wanted to experience was this thing called a, Fried Oreo. If I am going to a county fair, I am going to want to try this insane junk food that I am not privy to in the city. It was an extremely hot day, so we first grabbed our homemade lemonade and walked through the little stands that were trying to sell tractors, jacuzzi’s and all sorts of crazy country stuff.
We had found it. The stand that would be serving us the ever elusive…Fried Oreo and let me tell you, this concoction did not disappoint. It was a deep fried Oreo cookie that was then dowsed in powdered sugar. I only allowed myself to have one but if I had been alone, I would have eaten five. After we all devoured our snack off to the animals we went. We witnessed a cow contest that I believe was for the prettiest cow but I had no idea what they were judging them for. After the cows, was then to see sheep, goats, pigs and finally my biggest fear…birds. Everyone that knows me knows I have a rather huge phobia of birds of any kind. As we entered this barn like building there it was…three rows of birds. There were turkeys, hens, roosters and all of the sudden, I found myself sweating. I am not a sweater but there was sweat running down my back, forming on my head and running down my face. Everyone else walked ahead of me and I literally just felt like my feet turned to cement. I hated every experience that came with walking through the mass of birds. Even one turkey looked at me and came closer; it must have known my fear. I was so damn glad to have gotten past that experience and onto the bunnies that was in the next exhibit over.
Once we finished bonding with these farm animals it was time to head over to the event we all were looking forward to and that was…The Pig Race. I had never ever heard of a pig race, I didn’t even know they existed. We all sat on a bleacher with the rest of Wayne County and waited for these pigs to begin the race. As we all sat with anticipation, we looked at the program for the race and there we saw the most amazing names for these pigs. Their names were, “Britney Spare Ribs, “Heavy P”, “Lindsay Lo-Ham” and our personal fave, “Lady Hog-a.” Finally the host of the pig show was ready to begin and off the pigs went, running around a race track in order to get the slop of food that was waiting for them at the finish line. It was one of the many highlights of the day.
Onto the next event at the county fair and after we grabbed more junk food we decided it was time to experience some of the rides. I, personally, am not a thrill seeker. Just me getting to work in one piece is thrill enough for me. So, we took it easy on the level of rides we were going to do. We started out with a debunked fun house, followed by a cheesy haunted house ride but what we weren’t expecting was to see the bumper cars! We all got in line and as we watched the people ahead of us not having that good of a time doing the bumper cars, we weren’t too sure if we were going to either. Once it was our turn, we all ran to our respective cars and once the conductor told us it was ok to drive. Boy did we ever. We all hit the pedal and were bumping into each other and laughing our asses off. None of us had any shame in how we looked or who we were hitting. I was hitting kids that were only 8 years old and loved every minute of it. Once it was done the conductor told us we were the most entertaining group of the day.
Now that our adrenaline was going, we decided we might all be brave enough to try a ride that had a little more kick to it. We decide to try this ride that simulated that we were going through the avalanches and we would be going around and around at a fast speed. At first when the ride began it wasn’t so bad and kind of fun. Then it went into high gear and I started laughing uncontrobably; I wasn’t sure if it was out of fear or fun…I believe it was a combination of the two. This ride went on forever, I was slammed up against poor Mr. Architect’s side for I couldn’t control which way my body went. By the time the ride ended, people were walking funny and one girl even fell down the stairs behind us. The look on our faces indicated a few things. One: Don’t do it again. Two: We are too old for this. And Three: It was time to go home. We all looked like we got the shit beat out of us from the intense heat, the farm animal extravaganza and the ride that did not put us over the edge.
Once we got home from the fair, everyone wanted to take a shower and wash the county fair off. We began to get dinner ready and it was very hard to wake up again after the day we had. After dinner, we all cleaned up, hit the couch with ice cream (more junk food) and watched a movie. I barely made it through the opening credits of the movie before I fell asleep on Mr. Architects lap while everyone else watched the movie. As we got into bed that night, he spooned me and said, “You know what today is.” He remembered our three months! I squeezed him and he squeezed back and we both fell fast asleep.
Yesterday, we all woke up to intense rain, so it was a rather slow start in the country. Coffee, breakfast and some video games later (which I won, thank you very much) and it was time to head back to the city. On the drive back to the city we were doing pretty well with the drive and bam! It was a major back up with the traffic. Of course Feather’s said, “This has never happened. Usually we are coasting right along.” This again, had to deal with my curse. We had to take an alternate route to get back to the city and it took us so long to arrive at our destination. I was also getting a bad case of nausea. I shouldn’t have sat in the backseat knowing I also get car sick but I did my best to not bitch about anything given the fact that we were all suffering from being in the car so long. As they dropped Mr. Architect and me off by my apartment, we all said our goodbyes and it marked our first county fair experience.
I was going to invite Mr. Architect to spend the night with me but figured he was probably sick of me by then and we all need our private time every now and again. So, we kissed goodbye and I spent the rest of the day unpacking, writing and trying to relax for the week ahead. When I woke up this morning there was an email waiting for me from him. It said what a wonderful time he had, how he loved the house, the fair and how nice it was also getting to know my friends’ even more. There was one line in his email that really stood out for me and it was him telling me how at peace he was when we were all watching the movie together. I was on his lap, a dog was on his other side and outside was moonlight against the trees and he was content with it all. What a killer way to start the week.
While I can’t really picture myself ever leaving the city for the farm life like Eva Gabor did. I certainly know that I can enjoy the farm life…for a few days that is. I also may not live in on Park Avenue as Mrs. Gabor did but knowing that Park Avenue is just a few avenues away makes me feel like I am home.
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