"Update" NYC

The Relationship Has Two Faces

I have an amazing friend that is a HUGE Barbara Streisand fan, so much, that if you ever say that you have never heard of Mrs. Streisand or not quite sure of a movie or song she has sang, he will educate you so thoroughly that you will most likely have lost years from your life when he is done educating you. You have been warned if you ever get the chance to meet him. While his passion for her is utterly endearing, one of her movies entitled, The Mirror Has Two Faces, got me thinking about how relationships have many mirrors to them.

There are so many sides to relationships that upon examining that you actually can chose which angle you want to present to the world. Of course, there are always two sides to that mirror and what you see might not always be what is reflected back. I am constantly looking at couples, whether that is at a restaurant, the movie theatre, in a bar and observing their actions, body language, etc. Most times I can spot a first date a mile away or when a couple has been together for so long that their bodies present a sense of ease because the trust already exists.

It is coming up on three months since Mr. Architect and I started seeing each other and I can tell with each time that we see each other that we are getting more and more comfortable with each other from a mental and physical aspect. Sometimes it happens quicker and with others it can take a bit longer. For us, I see we are somewhere in the middle. At times I feel completely comfortable with us and other times I want to dissect each and every single thing we say and do to each other. Lately, I have been telling myself to shut that part of my brain off, that part that wants to pick everything apart and just let go and let nature take its course. For the most part, I have been listening and letting things coast.

After our last weekend together, spending it together for our “date night” and then going to my friend’s birthday party. It was time to get back to the real world and work. I was assigned three more articles to write, plus this blog and my day job, so suffice to say, it didn’t leave much time to dissect our relationship and rather focus on work. Mr. Architect and I settled on meeting this past Wednesday for dinner after work. Originally, I was going to be meeting his coworkers but due to everyone’s schedule, we ended up rescheduling for a later day. It was probably a blessing in disguise because that gave us some time to be together before I left for Fire Island for three days.

That Wednesday in New York toward the end of the work day, the weather went from an intense heat wave to what looked like the end of the world. The clouds came in quickly, the sky went dark and before you knew it; it was raining, thundering and lightning for a long time. Given my confession of loving to steal umbrellas, that day in the office I got in early and looked through everybody’s desks before anyone came in and found not one umbrella to take, so I was left leaving the office to see Mr. Architect running in the rain and showing up looking like something that was dragged through the sewers. Given the heat wave we were going through, I suggested we go to MaryAnn’s Mexican restaurant in Chelsea because I was craving sangria. I actually got there before he did and decided to take that time to dry myself off from the rain and look semi-presentable for him. As I sat there waiting for him, it occurred to me how my body was reacting to me waiting for him to arrive. I saw myself getting anxious but anxious in a good way. He showed up, gave me a kiss and sat down. During dinner we caught each other up on work, the day we just finished and family. When the topic of family came up, he shared with me some stuff that his parents are going through with their future and how it affects him. It was a layer to Mr. Architect that I was so focused on listening to. I always care about his day but this was deeper and the fact that he wanted to share that with me made me feel like the trust is continuing to grow between us. After we closed the topic of family, we moved onto relationships and how we view them. Most of the things we agree on and I actually like it when he gives me his thoughts and even disagrees with me on some topics. I love a challenge and I think as we get more comfortable with each other, he will step on my toes; which is exactly what I need most of the time.

Once dinner was done, we jumped on the C train together with me getting off at the Columbus Circle stop and him transferring onto the A train to go home. On the platform, I knew it was time to go, for I still needed to pack for Fire Island and he needed to get home but I just wanted more time with him. He hugged me, kissed me and told me to have fun on Fire Island. The next morning, I already had an email from him saying Bon Voyage, telling me to have fun out on the beach and to say hi to my friends for him. It was the perfect way to start the weekend. I left work a tad early to catch the 5:09 train on the Long Island Rail Road and on that train is where I let my week go, no more thinking about work, how I am going to pay the bills or what I am going to miss by not being in the city.

As I waiting for the ferry, I ran into a friend of mine and there he went onto update me on his latest dating adventures and mishaps. It was there that I began to think about the Relationship Mirrors. Here I was assuming my friend had this great dating life of constantly going on one date from another and probably having his pick from the litter based on what I thought was reflected. When in reality, he was just like the rest of us; out there trying to find that ever illusive, “Perfect Guy.” As we pulled into the harbor at Fire Island, I just secretly wished that my friend have a wonderful weekend and leave all the losers behind and just enjoy himself. As I got off the ferry, there was my friend/housemate waiting to pick me up. I love that part about Fire Island; you are gone for few weeks and by the time you come back again, it’s as if you never left. The hugs from your friends, the cocktails that are waiting for you at your house and the music that is constantly going from the time you get there till you leave back for the city. That night my housemate and I decided to let your hair down and have fun till the sun was literally coming up. Of course, the next day would be spent with us reaching for the Advil and water but it was worth it…as usual.

Friday’s weather was not too impressive with severe rain and so in those times on Fire Island, you are left to play games indoors, watch movies and prep for that evening’s dinner and that is exactly what we did. By the time the rest of the housemates arrived that weekend, it was in full swing and not only was the dinner amazing but so was the fact that we combined our dinner with our sister house and it was twelve queens eating a Mexican fiesta. That night I was still rather exhausted from the night before and I ended up going to bed at a descent hour.

It is amazing what going to bed early can do for the body. I woke up before the entire house was even close to waking up. I straightened up the house from the night before; I ran on the beach and just had some peace out on the sand when there wasn’t a single person walking along the coast. It was downright awesome.   As the house began to wake up, we all got ready to layout by the pool and update each other with what everyone did the night before. As the afternoon wore on, it was time to start getting ready for the teas. For me, that meant a little extra time, for this time, I was going to be dressing up in drag in my Wonder Woman costume. It was something that I wanted to do and for some reason, I had the confidence that weekend to do so. After doing a small photo shoot with a life size statue of Superman, off to the teas we went. It was crowded and the gays loved my costume, pictures being taken of me, people buying me drinks and it was fun as hell. That night everything fell into place. The music was great, the crowd was attractive and the friends of mine that I was with were just who I wanted to be with. We danced till late as usual and it ended with me and a housemate looking at the stars and contemplating life, while being shit faced, of course.

By the time Sunday rolled around, I had one of those feelings where I wanted just one more day out there. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, it was the perfect temperature and all my friends were staying longer. I was jealous because I knew what that meant on Sunday’s out there. It would be them going to Cherry Grove, ordering that delicious pizza and drinking beers. Sigh. I managed to squeeze in several more hours of beach time before heading back to the city with a few friends of mine. Once I got to Penn Station, I knew I had made the right decision by leaving and believe it or not…I was looking forward to Monday. Not because of work but I knew I would be seeing Mr. Architect that evening.

Yesterday was great for a Monday. There wasn’t a ton of work emails that I had missed, the entire office was moving rather slowly and I was just counting down the hours until I would see him. It had only been four days since we last saw each other but it seemed a hell of a lot longer for both of us. Our date that night was going to see the new Batman movie. I suggested before the movie to meet at this diner across the street from the movie theatre and when I got there…he was there already seated and waiting for me. I gave him a kiss and we just began updating each other on our weekends, etc. It was so good seeing him again and half way through our meal, it hit me that this was exactly where I needed to be at that very moment. In that seat, sitting across from him and enjoying every minute of it. As we stood in the long line on 34th Street to see the movie, he kissed me and put his arm around me and told me how great it was to see me again. His words, his actions towards me are what I have been looking for quite some time now. By the time the lights went down in the movie theatre, as we shared a bag of Chips Ahoy cookies, I was such in a state of bliss. Once the movie ended and we got on the platform of the subway to head back home, he once again put his arm around me and said how glad he is to see me again and that he is looking forward to this weekend. I didn’t need to respond with words, I think my face spoke for itself. I was feeling the exact same way. It was as if his words reflected on a mirror and he knew I felt the same way. I got off on the 59th Street stop, kissed him goodbye and went home and fell asleep with such ease.

Which leads me to today and the concept of mirrors; mirrors come in different shapes, sizes and also are used for different functions. Just like relationships, each one is different, each relationship serves a different purpose in our lives but the single most important mirror is the one we use on ourselves. When we look in this mirror we must be happy and confident with what we see because if we are not, how can we make room for someone else to look in that mirror with us?

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