"Update" NYC

Coincidence? I Think Not.

There are so many things that can be said about “coincidences.” Some people believe that these so called, “coincidences” are designed to help people cope with certain life events and others believe that it just a bunch of bull and that there are no such thing as “coincidences” and that everything happens for a reason. Personally, I am a believer in the latter, I do believe that there is no such thing as “coincidences” and that everything does in fact, happen for a reason. Whether, we find out that reason immediately or down the road…each lesson is created for us to learn and grow from.

This past week was proof for me that there are certain things that happen in life that lead you to a different path. The entire week, Mr. Architect was away in Virginia visiting his family for his birthday and I was manning the city. I decided that after Pride weekend, I would take it easy on the social life and give my poor liver a break. So, with him being gone and my friends occupied, I immersed myself in work and was able to get my seventh article for Yahoo! complete along with a few chapters on my book done.

During the week, Mr. Architect and I kept in constant touch, whether it was via text message or email. There wasn’t a day that went by where he didn’t tell me that he missed me or was thinking about me and how he was having a great time just relaxing out in the country. And again, I believed every single word he said. I didn’t have to worry whether or not he was lying and I don’t think he was off in the country worrying about whether or not I was getting into trouble. For some reason, the trust has been built rather quickly. Probably the fastest I have ever come across.

Last Wednesday, as I was working on a deadline, a friend of mine sent me an email to look at a link about a certain news headline. Even a link to something can confuse my technically challenged brain and I accidentally clicked on the story. The story I read instantly pissed me off and depressed me. It angered me that there are people in this world that can do heinous things to people and think they can get away with it. After I responded to my friend that the link he sent me depressed me, he responded with, “I didn’t mean for you to look at that story. It was another story.” Regardless, of what story I was “supposed” to read. It led me to a path that I should have gone down.  After I read that story, my mind got curious about my past and so I went onto this little search engine called, Google. What I discovered was something that I was meant to find. This was no coincidence.

Suddenly the past was ever present and I didn’t know what to do with this new found information. Being someone that sucks at research, I called upon the same friend that sent me the link in the first place to dig up everything on what I had found. Within an hour, in my inbox, I had everything I wanted and needed. It wasn’t an easy pill to swallow but it was something that I was meant to discover. As I read, page after page, my stomach begin to turn and I found myself almost getting sick. I needed to shut it off and go back to my job, which is what I did. I decided that there is nothing I can do and I thanked my friend a million times for providing me with all the research he was able to dig up. I ran that evening along the Westside Highway; I wasn’t quite sure why I decided to run instead of grabbing a drink at a local bar. I figured drinking wasn’t going to solve anything and at least running, I was burning calories. That night in my apartment, I was alone. Just the way I needed to be that night. Another friend of mine asked me to dinner that night, and I lied. I never lie to my friends or anyone for that matter. I lied and said I had to work and the thing that bothered me the most was that my friend believed me. I needed to be alone and digest everything. When I went to bed that night, it was the first time, in a very long time, that I wanted a man to hold me. I truly missed Mr. Architect and wanted him with me.

The next day, I woke up feeling drained but knew that I had to put all that stuff in the back, focus on the job at hand and move forward. I decided that I needed a distraction and I knew just what I needed…a movie night! I sent an email out to the entire crew suggesting that we all go see; Magic Mike, and afterwards we would all go to the bar, Urge, to continue the stripping theme and to also celebrate a friend of mine’s birthday. The group was all in agreement and the tickets were purchased.

Friday finally arrived and I couldn’t be happier. I needed my friends, a movie and booze to keep my mind off things. Plus, what also kept me going was knowing that Mr. Architect would be arriving the next evening and we would be spending the rest of the weekend together. As I sat down in the movie theater and looked across the row at all my friends, I knew it was just what the doctor ordered and I was smiling again. After the movie, we all walked down to Urge bar and I immediately ordered a shot of tequila and a beer. Not my normal thing to order but I needed fuzziness. The minute I took the shot of tequila, I was feeling good, however, I wasn’t paying attention and next thing I know, a friend of mine ordered a round of Maker shots and I did that one as well. After that shot, things were really starting to feel groovy. I even did something I don’t ever do… I gave a dollar to a stripper. Did he look like Channing Tatum? No. Did I care? No.  We all decided to call it an early night and I was in a cab heading back to my apartment around 1 am.

Saturday I woke up feeling energized. I was excited because it was going to be amazing hot weather, I just got paid and I was ready to shop. However, first I needed to get some exercising in. I decided to go for another run along the Westside Highway and for some reason; the past was creeping into my head again. It bothered me and I did my best to get distracted in my music that was blaring in my ear. It wasn’t working and so I ran in the heat, I ran for 10 miles. I wasn’t sure if I was running from my past or if I was running toward it, ready to tackle it once and for all. After the run, I showered and hit the streets. I shopped and got lost in the busy sidewalks. It felt amazing. However, this time for shopping, I wasn’t really shopping for myself. Instead, I was shopping for Mr. Architect’s birthday. I have not shopped for a man in years and it felt fun and odd at the same time. I was running out of time, so I bought him what I thought was some really nice gifts and went home to get ready for his arrival.

That night, around 10:45, I found myself in a location that I have never been to at the time of night. I was at Penn Station waiting to pick him up from the bus. He finally showed up and it felt so nice to see him again. Poor guy was a mess. His parents house got hit by a storm over the weekend and they were out of power and he was helping his family dig things and doing crap that I have never heard before with pipes and plumbing. He needed and wanted a shower badly and I could tell we were both very tired from our days. Granted his was spent working out in the yard and mine was spent on Fifth Avenue but both can be extremely exhausting.

We arrived at his apartment and I let him do his thing, which included his much needed shower. He brought me back a bottle of merlot from his parent’s town and I must say; it was quite tasty. We went to bed that night and right before we were dozing off, he hugged me and said, “You are not going to bed just yet. Not without a good night kiss.” He kissed me and I slept so soundly that night. When we woke up on Sunday morning, I was happy. I was happy that he was back, happy that we were together again and happy that we would be spending all day together.

Both of us got ready and right before we were to leave his apartment; that is when I decided to present him with his gifts. In all the years, I have never given this type of gift to a man…I got him a pair of shoes. Usually, if I am buying shoes, I am selfish and they are for me. However, a few weeks back I remember him saying he really liked this pair of shoes and so I went back to the store on Saturday and bought them for him along with a Yankee baseball cap. When he opened the gifts, I believe he was genuinely happy with both of them. As we left his apartment, he not only put his baseball cap on but changed into his new shoes as well.

As we were seated to brunch at, Pier 9, I knew that I needed to talk to him about my past and how while he was gone, the past had suddenly reared its ugly head. I wasn’t going to tell him until after I had at least two glasses of champagne and once those were done, I was ready. I prefaced him by giving him an out. That after I told him everything I needed to say and if he wanted to leave, I would understand and there would be no hard feelings.  So, I began the story and he listened to every single word that came out of my mouth. By the time I was done, his hand was on my knee and he assured me that he isn’t going anywhere and thanked me for confiding in him. Tears were brushed away, a few more glasses of champagne were had and I decided that we needed a giggle. I suggested we walk to 42nd Street and see what funny movies were playing. We settled on the movie, Ted. I had no idea what it was about, other than a talking teddy bear. We sat down, and well, Mr. Architect sure laughed more than I did but it took our minds off of everything. His hand was on my knee the entire movie and I felt…safe.

After the movie, we walked to Chelsea and before we were to meet my friend for dinner, I suggested we pop into G Bar to cool off from the heat with a couple of frozen cosmopolitans. It was refreshing and after the drink we made our way to Tipsy Parson. We had a lovely dinner with my friend, the same wonderful friend who helped me earlier in the week and it was nice. There were drinks, food and relaxation. It was the perfect bookend to a very lovely weekend. As we all said our goodbyes on the subway home, it dawned on me just how fucking lucky I am and how I am looking forward to the week ahead.

This last week taught me a lot about how everything happens for a reason. I don’t know the future of Mr. Architect but he certainly came into my life for a reason and maybe it was just the simple fact that the timing is right. Or the fact that the past came back and I was able to handle it in a way that normally would have sent me to my therapists couch.  Either way, it all has been happening for reasons I am not quite sure yet. I do know that my eyes and ears are open to discover the reasons why.

Coincidence? I think not.

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