"Update" NYC

Class Dismissed

In last week’s entry it was all about “time.” How time can move slowly, quickly and sometimes it seems like it doesn’t move at all.

As the two weeks that the Teacher was gone continued to move, I was eagerly looking forward to his arrival this past weekend. However, I must admit that “time” certainly played an integral part for him and I.

Over the Easter break I met this other guy and he came across as funny, now as cliché as it sounds, a sense of humor is key I believe in any relationship. So I was rather pleased when this Funny Guy asked me out, last Tuesday. The date was going to be casual just a coffee and see if we even like each other. Again, in the back of my mind I felt, not guilty because the Teacher was away and I was going on dates but because I really did want things to work with the Teacher but aside from the occasional text message his communication left me in the dark.

So, on Tuesday, I met up with the Funny Guy at La Bergamote, right on 52nd Street. There he was, dressed how I like guy’s to dress…baseball cap, jeans, t-shirt and a smile. He had gotten there already before I showed but seeing that we were meeting on a nice weather day and it was a Tuesday, we were literally the only patrons in the joint. At first he told me that he wasn’t a big drinker (sigh), so I thought that we would get our coffees, do small talk and the date would be over with. However, he said his workday was rather busy and could use the glass of wine (yeah).

The wine was ordered and now the conversation can begin. I learned that he lives in the same neighborhood that I do, he has a dog and a cat, after many years of doing the agency thing he finally decided to take a chance and start his own agency and so far it is going well. So, not only was this guy funny but now he was ambitious! After having some rather bad service at this establishment and us both agreeing that we are having an amazing time together, I suggested we go across the street to his really amazing wine bar called, Ardesia.

As soon as we were seated and our wine was ordered, a few friends of mine, including my ex roommate walk-in. Sometimes this city is just too damn small. Introductions were made I was able to continue on my date. At first I felt like we were giving my friends a show as they watched how the night progressed but after the second glass of wine, I was simply having a great time. At around 10 p.m. we both decided that we were getting tipsy and to call it a night. As we paid the bill he told me that he really had a great time and that he found me attractive. Something that the Teacher would NEVER say out loud or even send via email now that I think about it.

He walked me to the corner of 52nd Street and 10th Avenue and smiled and said, “I had a really great time tonight but before we leave you do know you are going to kiss me.” Ok. He is funny. Cute. Ambitious and now he is aggressive too? So I gave him a kiss and walked away. As we all do on dates, the minute your date is out of sight you are grabbing your phone to see how called, emailed and text messaged. I noticed there was a missed called from the Teacher. He has NEVER called me before since we started dating, not once and of all days to call, it is when I am on a date. What is it about guys that the minute they suspect you are out there doing something else suddenly they become territorial? I listened to the voicemail and it said that he was in Buffalo and that things were going well there. So, I called him back and I probably shouldn’t have called him right away considering my mind was still lingering with the Funny Guy and I was a somewhat tipsy but I did anyway. From what I gathered from the phone conversation he was super stressed out about his paper he was writing and that he wanted me to keep him distracted during the rest of the week he also said he was back Friday night and hoped to see me on Saturday.

By the time I got home, I had received a text message from the Funny Guy and again telling me he had a wonderful time. Good move on his part. The next day I decided to message him and tell him again what a nice time I had. By the time Thursday rolled around, the Teacher and I talked on the phone each night so he could tell me about his day and I listened. During that day, I sent a text message to the Funny Guy seeing how his day was going and what he had going on that night. He responded with, “Are you asking to see me tonight because my plans got canceled and I am free?” I knew that I had scheduled plans to meet my girlfriend right after work for a quick drink, so I told him that we should go out to dinner around 8pm. He said he was looking forward to it and so in a matter of a week, I had managed to see him twice in 48 hours.

We agreed to meet at Ariba Ariba on Ninth Avenue and 51st Street at 8pm. One of the things that Funny Guy had said on our first date is that he hates it when people are late. Only with work am I on time, the rest can get a little tricky for me. So when I got a text message from him saying that he is already at the restaurant and that he put our names down, so assertive. I got there and he is standing outside and he doesn’t even say hi to me all he said was, “You look great tonight.” It was really nice to hear and I thanked him and he opened the door for me and I was ready to start the night. Wouldn’t you know, the minute we walk in there are the same friends from our first date at the restaurant, now that is comical and of course they sat us right next to each other.

As the date began, I confessed to him that it was really nice that he was available to meet for dinner and he agreed. There was no loss for words, no awkward silences, just great conversation, and laughter and of course…margaritas.  The meal is done and it was still early but I didn’t want the night to end and I got a feeling he didn’t want it to end either.  He suggested that we go somewhere for one more drink and I said we could either go to Posh or Vlada (both places I have not been in a really long time). Off to Vlada we went and it was empty so we got our drinks and sat down. He kissed me and told me again how much fun he is having and how attractive he finds me. It was really sweet and I liked how honest he was about how he was feeling. It was there that he told me that while he likes me that he does have some heavy stuff going on and it is probably something I couldn’t handle. Fuck. I told him how much I appreciated his honesty and that while it is only the second date that I am somewhat bummed out by the turn of events. After that, the night kind of lost it’s spirit. So we ended the night with a kiss and he sent a text message wishing me a good night and that he hoped to see me on Sunday.

Friday was one of those workdays where it was complete and utter chaos. From the beginning right to the very end and I was looking forward to letting off some steam with my girlfriends. We always meet at this insanely dingy dive bar where the drinks are cheap and place looks even cheaper called, Sly Fox, it is on Second Avenue and 9th Street. They know us by heart there and before we even take our coats off the drinks are poured and we are sitting down on chairs that are covered in plastic. I begin to give my girlfriend the update on the Teacher (who was coming back that night from Buffalo) and with Funny Guy. The more I talked about it the more I knew that the likely hood of a future with either of them was not going to happen.  Once that reality kicked in that is when the drinking really commenced. Next thing I know it is almost 4 am and I am in cab to go home and sleep off the past week.

Saturday, still in bed but knowing that I needed to get out and motivate myself to enjoy the warm weather we had been having. I grab my phone while still in bed and notice that the Teacher sent me a text message at 8:30 in the morning saying, “I’m back!!!!” Could it be that he is changing his ways and becoming more aggressive with flirting and is going to tell me that he wants to get serious? Suddenly I got up, started the laundry and sent him a message back that welcome him back to the city and that I am looking forward to seeing him later. The next message I got was, “I am making a lot of progress on my paper.” Huh? That is not the message I was expecting nor was I going to accept it. So, I dialed his number and he answered. He said hello and than I just launched right into him, in a polite way at first, asking him if we were still on for meeting. Now call me crazy but if you like someone, you have been apart from each other for two weeks, you are locking down a time and a place to meet up. All he said was, “I am on a bus can I call you back in fifteen minutes?” I said, of course and when he called back I knew I had to defend myself and be the one to have to ask what the hell was going on. When he called back that is exactly what I did. I asked him what was going on between us and why he was being so vague with me. I received a lame ass excuse and he responded with, “I just don’t know how I feel about you. I like you but I am just not sure what to do with you.” That was all I needed to hear. So I gave it to him because he deserved it. I told him, “How do you string me along like this? You ask me out on dates, you let me meet your friends and your family. You call me say you are looking forward to seeing me on Saturday and now you are pulling this on me? I want to be with someone that wants to be with me and doesn’t have to question a second how he feels about me. So good luck.” Just as I was about to hang up the phone he said, “Wait. I really am sorry that I couldn’t be better. I am screwed up.” All he got was the dial tone. Done. Over.

Once that was done with, I had the great fortune to already have a house party to attend to and that was just what I needed to keep my mind off things. So, I got drunk yet again with my friends. When I woke up on Sunday, I was scheduled to meet up with Funny Guy but I just knew that going further with him was not an option and that it was best to be mature about it and let him know sooner rather than later. He took it really well and I was relieved because he is such a great person, from what I was able to get know. The rest of my Sunday was spent at a brunch at Agave and went home to work and nurse my hangover.

Once I began to analyze my current relationship status that being that I am single again there was a moment where I wanted to scream. Before I let out the noise to scream I told myself that I did the right thing. I handled the situation with the Funny Guy with grace and I didn’t allow myself to get dragged on any further with the Teacher. I stood up for myself, my beliefs and even after all this, I am still hopeful that there will be a man that knows he not only wants to be with me but doesn’t want to have to question how he feels about me. Class has now been dismissed.



1 Comment

  1. Nicole Struensee

    Hi Alex. Good for you for not only sticking up for yourself but also for continuing to be hopeful. You need to find someone who has a similar attachment style to yours. A good book to read which might help you is called Attached. Cant think of the authors name at the moment but if t=you google it you should find it. It is an interesting read and might be helpful to you. Bye for now. Nicole

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