"Update" NYC

Time Won’t Give Me Time

Time. Four little letters that can cause such an impact in one’s life, time is a word that can either be your friend or you foe.

To me, it seems I have been in a race against time. There are moments when you feel you are chained to your desk at work, and you are watching the clock tick by slowly as you wait for your dismissal. Yet, the minute you are out of the office you find yourself wishing that time would move slowly so that you can fully enjoy every, single hour before having to do it all over again.

As the two weeks continued to pass I’ve had very little communication with the Teacher while he is away because he has been in some construction site building homes for the less fortunate and I have been manning the city until he returns. Although I did manage to get a text from him in which, it had already been a few days since I had heard from him. It was one of those messages in which you knew what the subtext was actually all about.

His message read: “Raining today. Can’t work. Overall trip is going great. “

Translation: “I am doing well and I miss you.”

Some might call me naïve with the interpretation of that text message, but as I am getting to know the Teacher and he is not big on expression, I just knew in my heart what he was trying to express to me. Knowing that I have to play it cool in order not to scare him away, I simply responded with how I was holding down the city until he returned, and was glad that his mission down there was going swell.  As I predicted, I didn’t get another response from him. Normally, I would be trying to overanalyze why I didn’t get another message back, but I am dealing with a new kind of guy. A type that I haven’t dated before; and so I am finding myself treading lightly and making sure not to rock the boat. He is 100% book smart, but in the life department, that is where I come into play.

Knowing that he was going to be gone for two weeks, I was given the gift of “time.” Time to think about him, time to miss him and more importantly, time for myself. As we all know, the minute we begin to date someone new, all we want to do is be with that person every minute of every day, and our other relationships suffer. You begin not to see friends as much, don’t call family that often, and the gym schedule shifts. You find yourself transitioning from your single self to someone that might possibly become off the market. So literally, the minute after my date last Saturday with the Teacher, I found myself going to the movies and bars with my friends that very night. There is nothing like sitting in a dark bar, like “Nowhere” bar on 14th Street, with cocktails flowing and talk about everyone’s current relationships. At that point, in my own world, I was not even thinking of going on any other dates, but instead I was going to utilize my time by hitting the gym, seeing friends, and focusing on myself.

However, as fate would have it, this past Monday I was at my gym running and giving that treadmill one hell of a workout, when I noticed a guy looking at me. Normally I just assume when people stare at me in a gym that they are not really that interested, aside from being somewhat emotionally scarred of ever meeting someone at the gym again. You see, the last time I met someone at the gym I did something that I normally don’t do: I brought someone home with me. It was two or three years ago, and I was, again, running on the treadmill when I noticed this extra, yummy guy checking me out. Still I was determined to run at least five miles, so I finished my workout and went to the locker room to get my keys and go home. Still having my headphones on with my music blaring full blast. I had no idea that the yummy guy was literally right behind me. He motioned me to take my headphones off so he could talk to me. So I did, and he just asked me flat out, “Do you live around here?” I knew exactly why he was asking me if I lived around the neighborhood. I thought to myself that this was something I simply didn’t do, but here was my opportunity to not only be outside my comfort level but also to be a little scandalous. I knew my roommate at the time was at work so there was no chance of an awkward encounter. I told the guy that I did in fact live just around the corner and that if he wanted to come over for some iced tea, he should give me about ten minutes.

I quickly bought some iced tea at the deli, took a shower and lit a candle when the buzzer went off. Then up the stairs he went into my apartment. He walked in and no words were really spoken. I did notice however, that he kept rubbing his right eye for whatever reason I had no idea. After all was said and done, he thanked me as if I were some hooker, got up and reached into his workout shorts’ pocket to pull out a gold wedding band. He put it on his left hand and was just about to leave when I asked him if he was in fact married. He confessed that he was married, had one child and lived in New Jersey. I couldn’t get pissed at the guy considering how we met and after thinking that this wasn’t exactly a dating scenario still it was just rude. He couldn’t have waited to leave my apartment and then put his damn ring on? I told him to leave and that if he was going to continue going to my gym, to never, ever speak to me again. He smirked and left.

The very next day I woke up and my left eye was pink. I went to the office that day and all of my coworkers told me I had pink eye. I didn’t believe them for I had never had pink eye, and I am always very conscious about being clean at all times. Turns out, Mr. Unfaithful was rubbing his eye for a reason. He, in fact, had pink eye himself and gave it to me! I was forced to leave my office and not return until it had gone away. I never told my coworkers how I contracted it, but I sure wanted to kick that guy’s ass for giving it to me. And the ironic thing is that I never saw him again at my gym.

So, as you can see, I was pretty hesitant to even strike up a conversation with this new gym guy, but the minute I was done with my run he came up to me at the water fountain and asked my name. I told him my name, and while he wasn’t 100% “my type,” he did seem rather nice. He asked me for my phone number, but I wasn’t too comfortable giving him that information, so I gave him my email address instead. That night he emailed me and asked me out for a drink. I thought about it for a while before I responded. There was a tinge of guilt regarding the Teacher. Here he is working down South for people in need and here I am contemplating on going out for a drink with a new guy from my gym. But I had to tell myself that the Teacher and I are not boyfriends, for if we were boyfriends there is no way in hell I would be having a drink with any guy. We are simply dating and while it is good dating, that is all that it is for now. So, I agreed to meet this guy for a drink the next night.

I chose a wine bar called Medi Wine Bar over on Ninth Avenue between, 53rd and 54th Street, mainly because it is close to my apartment. And while I wasn’t that interested in this guy, I also didn’t want to travel far. He arrived ten minutes earlier than what we had agreed upon, and as generally I am always late for dates for some reason, he emailed me telling me that he was at the bar already waiting. Having to hustle up to get ready didn’t make me entirely happy but I managed to get my ass in gear and show up at the wine bar exactly at 8 p.m. As I walked in, I noticed a friend of mine having a glass of wine with another friend of his (small city), so I gave him a hug and he asked what I was doing there, I explained to him and his friend I just met, that I was going on a first date.  My date was sitting at the bar and saved me a seat, so I apologized and explained that I had no idea a friend was going to be here at the same time. Somehow, my date looked better in gym clothes than he did in his “date” attire.

As we ordered our glasses of wine, (I knew in my mind already that this was not going to be an entire-bottle kind of date), so I decided to get to know this guy and I asked him first where he lived.  He told me he lives in the Upper West Side right by Columbia University. He said he works at the university and that he actually has an 18-year-old, adopted son. Naturally, my next question was going to be how he came to adopting his son, etc. He explained that he had a partner for a great deal of time and that they both agreed they wanted a child. They didn’t want a baby, but rather a child that is a little older. The day their adoption agency agreed to give them a child, my date’s then partner went out and found a guy to bring home so they could all have a threesome as some form of celebration. The look on my face was of pure and utter disgust. I didn’t want to judge this person, but you just got approved to bring a child into your life and this is how you celebrate?  He continued with his story and it turns out that my date’s partner ended up falling in love with the “third party”, leaving my date and the son to never be heard from again.  So, in the end, my date quickly became a single parent.  I asked him if it was hard raising a child under such difficult circumstances and also how his dating life has been affected. Of course it has been a huge transition, but four years later he and his son they have their system down, and like any normal 18 year-old, the son is becoming rebellious. I didn’t want to push any further on his parenting skills. He then asked me if I wanted to have children and I explained to him that, I do in fact want to become a parent whether that is through surrogacy or adoption. He asked if I wanted a baby or an older child. I told him that I wanted a newborn, and boy oh boy, did that set him on fire. He gave me a huge lecture on how it is selfish of me to want a baby when there are so many older children that need a home as well. I told him that it is none of his business on what type of child I want to bring into my world, and that he shouldn’t talk about any parenting skills given the fact that he participated in a threesome the day he found out he was going to become a parent.

Trying to change the mood of this date, I began to ask him about his family, whether or not he had any siblings, nieces/nephews. He was going on about his family when finally he asked me about mine, so I began to tell him about how I have two nieces that I love so much when he cut me off. He said, “I know you have two nieces. I saw the photos of you with them.” I was instantly concerned as to how he knew all this information. He went onto to say, “I went on Facebook today, looked you by your email address and stalked you.” This did not go over me so easily. It is one thing to cyber-stalk someone, and I personally don’t do it, but in this day and age it is probably smart to look someone up for you never know if they are going to have a track record or not. I was still not happy about his confession to me, but then he just couldn’t keep his mouth shut. His last sentence was, “I will also admit that I did look at your photos all day and jerked off.” That was it. Done. Over. I couldn’t believe that this man was confessing all this to me. Maybe it was his glass of wine that was allowing him to be so free but telling me all this was certainly not a selling point for me. In fact, it got me quite angry. I got my wallet, pulled out a ten dollar bill, threw it on the bar and left. I didn’t look back, say goodbye or even give him the time to further explain himself. I was out of there. The only thing I did do once I crossed the street was look back to see if he was following me to my apartment, which thankfully he did not.

Once I got home, the first thing I did was take a shower. I just felt dirty after that date. I also made sure to remind myself to ask my coworkers the next day, on how to make my Facebook profile private. It is now highly secured. While in the shower, I immediately thought of how wonderful my dates have been with the Teacher and asked myself, “What is another week before we see each other again?” It was at that moment, that I also decided that maybe a pair of Crocs isn’t so bad after all. The next day at the office while I was working thinking how great it would be to hear from the Teacher. Sometimes the universe is actually listening to what is going on inside your head, and as my luck would have it, a message from the Teacher appeared on my phone.

It was a text message that said, “BBQ today. Woo-hoo.”

Translation: “I like BBQ’s and I am thinking about you.“

I responded to have fun and gave him a phone number. To where I could be reached over Easter break since I would be in a place where there is no cell-phone service. His response, “Awww. Thanks.”

Translation: There is no translation because he never called. However, I did reach out to him on Sunday to wish him a Happy Easter and he responded quickly and said he was glad to hear from me.

As we start the week, I know the Teacher and I have another seven days to go before we see each other again, for he will be in Buffalo writing a paper. I eagerly await his return and hopefully with regards to him that the old saying, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” will be just what we both need.

It is funny that word “time.”  There are moments in your life when time is on your side and there are certain events where time is your enemy. However, in regards to time and matters of the heart; I can’t help but having that Boy George song on repeat where he sings, “Time wont give me time. And time makes lovers feel like they’ve got somethin’ real.” Here is hoping that Boy George is right.








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