"Update" NYC

What A Difference A Day Makes

As the great, Dinah Washington once sang, “What A Difference A Day Makes” the same goes for my current status in life. Having seen quite a bit of the Teacher these days’ things have been going swimmingly. We are in constant contact, the dates just seem to get better and better and frankly, I just have been pretty darn happy with the pace that it is going.

After our wonderful date last Monday at Alice’s Tea Cup, we both decided to see each other that following Friday night. During the course of the week we went back and forth with ideas of what to do. Finally on Wednesday we both came to the conclusion that since he had never seen my favorite movie in the entire world, Pretty Woman, that I would bring the DVD and he would be cooking me dinner. Gay or straight, we ALL know what this date means. The date that you invite someone over to your apartment to watch a movie and have dinner, in the dating world this date is otherwise known as: THE SEX DATE.

In preparation for this date, I doubled up on my gym sessions by going before work and after, got the haircut and even gave myself a home facial on Friday morning. And while the Teacher and I never discussed me staying the night, I assumed that after the sex that I would be staying over and all would be wonderful in this dating world that I was currently living in.

All day on Friday I was itching to hear from the Teacher. Just a cute text was all I was waiting for. You know something along the lines of, “Happy Friday. Can’t wait to see you. Come over at 6.” But alas, there was NOTHING. No text, no call and not one email. I was starting to panic that I was either being stood up or it was the beginning of the end. So, I did what anyone in my position would do…I reached out to him. He responded back quickly and said for me to swing by at 6:30. Whew. My potential breakdown was now subsided.

I jumped on the 2 train and set my sails off to Brooklyn. On the train I got that feeling, you know that feeling of excitement because this is the date you have been waiting for. After all those wonderful make-out sessions, the flirting, the handholding and finally it was here. I got off the train, checked myself in a parked cars side mirror and proceeded to his apartment. Rang that doorbell and was greeted with a smile and umm…how do I put this delicately? It was an outfit that I just…really left me confused. There are your comfy clothes that you relax in and than there is well, just let me tell you what I was greeted with. The Teacher was wearing a Hanes white undershirt, big gray sweatpants and let’s not forget that the white undershirt was tucked into his sweatpants and the grand finale was his footwear which were a pair of grey Crocs. DAMN IT. The only time those damn shoes should be allowed on feet are when you are gardening or running around the hospital and you are either a doctor or a nurse. At no other time should these damn ugly shoes be allowed to roam the earth. But there they were, just looking up at me and laughing in my face.

He hugged me and gave me a great big kiss and welcomed me into his home. As I got settled we began to update each other and he began to prepare our meal. As I sat on his kitchen counter drinking wine and watching him chop and blend away we updated each other on our days and there on his window seal; I saw that he was taking very good care of the orchid I had gotten him last week. He told me he planned on taking the flower to his parent’s house for them to take care of while he was away for work. It was that time that I slowly began to forgive the Crocs.

As we sat down at his dining table, I served the lovely meal he had cooked and he poured the wine and it was a really sweet feeling to have. One of those feelings where you think to yourself, “I could really get used to this.” But before I let my mind get too off course, I wheeled it back in and began to focus on the moment at hand. After the meal, we cleared the table and got settled in on the couch to watch the movie.

The movie began and I got comfy on his couch. I was semi-sprawled out and at the same time trying to look sexy, which I can never pull off without a disaster so I just wanted to be “casual”. Meanwhile, the Teacher was on the other side of the couch, sitting upright just like the Elephant Man. I knew that in order for him to even cuddle with me, touch me or do ANYTHING that I would need to be the one to make him relax. So I scooted my ass closer to him, began to caress his arm and than he smiled and finally we were back on track. His arm was around me, we watched the movie and he actually enjoyed it.

As the credits from the movie began to roll, I knew this was the time to try and seduce him. Usually I prefer when the other guy takes the lead and from there I can run the show but I was not dealing with an experienced dater here so once again, I leaned in and said, “When the hell are you going to kiss me?” And finally he did and our make-out session began. It felt a tad like I was in high school again with his fear to touch my back or leg or even my hair but I am no quitter and began to show him how it is really done. Half way through our kissing he thanked me for changing my plans this weekend to be with him and was really glad that I came over tonight. Major bonus points for him and so I asked if he wanted to take this little session to the bedroom and he responded with, “I am comfortable here.” Ok than, if you are comfortable on the couch than that is where we will stay. So we went back to our regular scheduled program and I thought things were beginning to heat up and mid-kiss he tells me, “It is getting late and I have class tomorrow morning. Might need to call it a night.” I was done. I had hit my limit. I got up, went to use the restroom to put cold water on my face while he was putting away the wine glasses in the kitchen. Once I got out of the bathroom I was silent and feeling rather rejected. Was it something I said? Was it the fact that I wasn’t wearing Crocs? Or was he just not that into me? It couldn’t have been any of those things for he was still walking around in his sweats with a boner so I knew it couldn’t be because he didn’t want me. But I didn’t push the subject and when he asked if there was anything the matter, I just went the cowardly route and said, “Nope. I am fine.” He didn’t even take the hint that I was upset instead he went on to ask me out for another date the next day since he would be gone for two weeks and really wanted to see me. So we settled on a time and I would be picking him up from his class the next day. He kissed me goodbye and back to the city I went. On the train, it dawned on me that I couldn’t really get pissed off at this guy. We are “dating” and we are not “boyfriends” we are simply dating each other. Nothing more and nothing less. I went to bed and tried to erase that icky feeling of total and utter rejection.

The next morning I got up and decided that this is a clean slate. He is leaving for two weeks and I need to enjoy this time and deal with the rest at a later time. And I knew I would be seeing my friends later that night so I figured I could analyze what happened on Friday over cocktails. He asked me to meet him at a school on 85th and Madison Avenue and this time there was no Crocs, no sweatpants and I was relieved. Instead, I was greeted with a man that looked tall, handsome and was carrying his school papers. He kissed me a few times and told me what a great time he had last night. And aside from the rejection, I also had a wonderful time. It was an annoying weather day in New York on Saturday, misty rain, cold and windy and being on the Upper East Side, the options of finding a reasonable place to eat was rather slim.

He remembered that I have a German side to my family and suggested we go to this museum called, Neue Galerie, over on Fifth Avenue and 86th Street. It was gorgeous inside and he noticed that they have a beautiful café inside and suggested we go inside and eat there. Once we got a table, we ordered and so began our conversation and he asked about my dating life. I decided to not sugar coat anything and told him from my very first boyfriend to where I currently am. He was rather impressed with my dating history and saying that he felt rather intimidated by my experience versus his. I reassured him that I just have been on the quest longer than most and while he was off at school and achieving academics that I was busy bopping around New York City. I think once I spun it that way, he began to relax and suggested we get out of the café and take a walk in Central Park.

There was such a huge part of me that wanted to ask him before we even began our walk if he even wanted to be with me sexually or not. But the minute we hit the street, he grabbed me kissed me on the lips and said he is having a wonderful time and took my hand. I told myself to just keep my big fat mouth shut and walk. And that is exactly what I did. He held my hand the entire time, explained certain types of tress to me (not that I can remember the names of theses trees so don’t ask me but I nodded politely) and asked more questions about my dating life. As we walked from the east side of the park to the west side, I asked him what he would be doing in Alabama for a week and he told me that he will be taking some of his students down south to help build homes for the poor. Sigh. Then after that he would be coming back to spend Easter with his family and immediately driving up to Buffalo to work with his advisor on finishing his last paper in order for him to get his Masters degree. I couldn’t help but think of how selfish I was being. All I wanted from him was a slight reassurance that we are on the right path meanwhile, earlier before we met he was teaching under privileged kids at 8am, having a date with me and than going off to be St. Teresa.

Halfway through our walk he suddenly remembered that he had to go back to his class and pick up some papers and asked if I would go back with him, which of course I did. Inside the school, he introduced me to his other fellow teachers and I even met one of his brother’s best friends. He wasn’t hiding me at all but rather the opposite. Once we left the school he said, “I am still getting used to introducing you but I think I am getting better.” As soon as he said those words it occurred to me that I was suddenly the teacher and he was the student. At least when it comes to this relationship, he only knows stuff from a textbook and not from life. We are opposites. Period. And that is just fine.

He grabbed my hand and back through the park we went and I let it all go. I felt wonderful, I felt wanted and even desired. As we got on the subway for him to go home he asked me that while he is in Buffalo writing his paper that if we could speak every night for some sanity and because he wants to hear my voice. No man has ever asked to hear my speak, so of course I hugged him and told him that it would be my pleasure to provide him some mental breaks. As we rode the train he told me that he wants to see me the minute he gets back and already locking down the next date, that is exactly what I needed to put my mind at ease. We got to the 42nd Street stop and he kissed me goodbye and waved to me as the train took off.

That night I told my friends at Nowhere bar, all that went down on Friday and even on Saturday. Like me, they were more offended by the Crocs and lack of sex attempts but overall I have their support and that is always important to me when I am dating someone. As the night continued on, I found myself at periods of the night thinking of how fun it would be to have the Teacher by my side having cocktails, laughing with my friends and had to tell myself that we are only “dating” and we are not “boyfriends”. Will he ever become my boyfriend or simply stay as someone that I am dating? As the two weeks apart begins, this is the time in any relationship where you ponder and actually miss the person. In this case, it really isn’t about what a difference a “day” makes but rather what a difference “two weeks” makes.


  1. Nicole

    I think that he is afraid of what might happen after you turn that intimacy corner which changes things once the deed is done. So keep that in mind and in the meantime enjoy the courtship and the anticipation of being intimate. He is going slow because he is scared. But talking on the phone is nice and intimate as well. There is never ever an excuse for sweatpants but I will defend crocs as they saved my life when I broke my ankle do in spite of there unsightly spoear

    • Nicole

      Appearance they do indeed have a place in this world’. Enjoy the longing of being two weeks apart. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and the intimacy of speaking to him on the phone every night. Sounds romantic. Xo

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