If It’s Gotta Be Clean. It’s Gotta Be Tide
My friend Christian, whom I used to work with, decided it would be a good idea to set me up on a date. Keep in mind, I am not a big fan of the whole “set a friend up” cause it puts the friend in an odd position and the chances of really hitting it off are minuscule.
However, I agreed to go along with this date under the circumstances that it is just to meet for a drink and nothing more. Before I was to meet this guy, of course, I wanted to know a little bit about him.
Christian informed me that he actually doesn’t really “know” this person but rather it is a friend of a friend. Classic. However, here is what I found out:
He is 45 years old, 6 feet tall, lives in a small town upstate and is a chemist. When I first heard that he was a chemist, I was a tad intimidated for the only reason why I took Chemistry class in high school was because my crush, Sean Trejo, took the class and I got to sit behind him. Needless to say having Sean in the class was a major distraction and I did poorly in the class.
Moving back on track, I was rather intimidated cause while I am smart, I am not “chemist” smart, so I was nervous we wouldn’t have anything in common. Finally the email exchange began, and it was very polite and innocent and than the chemist asked me out. And it was a typical first date where the guy asking you out doesn’t have a plan or a place picked out and gives the very annoying statement of “so, where do you want to go”. Finally I had to take the lead and pick the place and the time to meet.
Once that was settled, it was time for the date. We met yesterday in the afternoon and I knew he was driving into the city so I picked a place that wasn’t just alcohol focused. The chemist arrived and on first impressions he was not at all what was described to me. He was not 45 years old but slightly older, he was not 6 feet tall and about the only accurate thing about what details were given to me was that he in fact lived in a small town upstate.
I don’t want to come across as a superficial person but the man had a mole on the side of his forehead the size of my oven. He also was wearing dad jeans that were pulled up strategically mid stomach, I felt in pain just watching him sit down. I also noticed he had a handkerchief in his back pocket (this will come into the story later).
As I ordered a much needed glass of wine, my date ordered a coke. The conversation was a struggle as he only talked about himself and as my mind drifted I noticed that his mouth kept filling up with an abundance amount of saliva and he constantly kept wiping the sides of his mouth with his handkerchief. I asked him what brought him to the decision of becoming a chemist, to which he replied, “I am not a chemist, I make laundry detergent for run down hotels to use for their linens”.
Finally after quickly finishing my glass of wine he tells me, “please excuse me, I have to use the little boys room”….sigh. Once he returns from the “little boys room”, he asks if I would like another glass of wine to which I quickly decline and that I should be leaving soon.
It was the minute that I declined the next glass of wine that he grabs my hand from across the table and tells me that I am attractive and that he wants to see me again and that he sees a big future for us. I pulled my hand away and politely told him that I don’t think we will be seeing each other again that he seems nice but I don’t see a future.
I thought he understood my response and than grabs my hand again and as his words were about to come out of his mouth…he spits on my right cheek instead. He must have noticed my reaction for he reached in his back pocket and pulled out his handkerchief and is now wiping my face at the table and apologizing profusely. I assure him that it is ok and that I can clean it off myself.
After running to the bathroom to wash my face, I grab my coat and thank him for coming down to meet me, etc. He gave his plea one last time on the street to meet up again and that the future looks bright for us. I reinforce that we will not be seeing each other again and that I wish him all the luck.
I left feeling deflated and in need of a shower. I get home, wash my face and call my friend Christian to give him the play by play of the date. He was speechless and that is why I don’t do set-ups.
My name is Alex Johnson and this is my blog, a blog that I hope everyone will read, enjoy, laugh, cry and can possibly even learn from. In it will be a journal of my dating experience, my friends, my family, the city and all the ups and downs that come with finding true love.
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